PDA

View Full Version : EGOIST - Fallen



Haze~
12-05-2014, 10:06 AM
So I just finished translating this song, and it was SUPER hard, as far as I was concerned. I'd really appreciate any feedback on this.
Link: http://www.animelyrics.com/anime/psychopass2/fallen.htm

My translation:

"All is calm, all is bright"
Whispers the angel, not long before falling down to the ground.
I then gently devour you whole;
It's my guilty..!

As I open up my eyes,
The last thing I know,
I'm in this dim blue concrete.
Coldly,
Call my name and give me a kiss
Then take me in your embrace,
With this empty shell of a body of yours.

This life you hurled out of your throat,
Still takes on a shape of some sort.
I catch a glimpse of brilliant red eternity,
And it bursts into song right next to me.
What was I born for?
Hey, spare me some love.
'Cause I'm not letting go of you.

Hello mmmmmyyyyy name iiiiiiiisssss--

I take a sip, but it never quenches
This burning thirst inside.
These hands of mine poke fun at me,
Staining me in scarlet-red.

Before long,
I was immune to all sounds.
So I erased the sound of my breathing,
Upon the sight of your teary eyes.
Call my name and give me a kiss
Can I still bring you back,
When even the scent of blood left your body?

I crushed this peeled off glass,
And swallowed it, dripping down.
I catch a glimpse of brilliant eternity,
And it bursts into song right next to me.
What was I born for?
Hey, does that mean you'll love me?

The more it calls out to me,
I give in
To my responsive instincts.
Call my name and give me a kiss
Then take me in your embrace,
With this empty shell of a body of yours.

Love me 'till I'm nothing but fragments.
This life you hurled out of your throat,
Still takes on a shape of some sort.
I catch a glimpse of brilliant red eternity,
And it bursts into song right next to me.
What was I born for?
Hey, keep on loving me
'Till I'm satisfied.
'Till
There's nothing left of me.

Rei
12-07-2014, 01:09 PM
I'd say the whole thing looks pretty good, though I'd debate 'in this cold blue concrete', since it doesn't decisively say 「に」 or anything - so doesn't 'on' or something seem more probable?

Haze~
12-07-2014, 02:47 PM
Yup, I totally agree. I actually had some second thoughts regarding this one. Thanks for the feedback.