Khimintu
09-28-2014, 07:00 PM
Hello, thanks for taking the time to look at this! I'm looking for some help translating Ao Haru Ride's ending song, "Blue", by Fujifabric, before I submit it. I've done most of it, but there's a few lines I either don't understand or would like some feedback on. If it's not too much trouble, I would really appreciate the help.
So here we go! These are the big issues:
1. もう一人の僕が言い聞かせる
I'm taking it as "Already my lonely self is saying that." If that is correct, then I'm looking for a better way to word it because, according to my Japanese dictionary, 言い聞かせる means to persuade, to instruct, and to warn. I used "saying", and I feel like it doesn't have the same connotation. Unless I totally translated the phrase incorrectly.
2. 開く前に答え合わせ
I'm pretty sure the first part says "Before opening up..." but I'm having trouble with the rest. I know 答え means "answer". 合わせ looks to me like 会う, meaning "to meet", conjugated in the causative form, which makes it "make someone meet" or "let someone meet". However, it seems to leave off the rest of the conjugation. Is there some other meaning other than that then?
Okay a whole stanza this time:
3. 大きくなる踏切りの音|さわぐ さわぐ胸の中を|見せることができるのならどうなるんだろう?
I translated this as "The noise from the railroad crossing grows larger/Just as the inside of my chest that is also roaring/And if I can show it, how will things become?" What do you think?
I love this part because the repeated word, さわぐ (to roar/make a loud noise), adds to the image of a train approaching a crossing and ringing its bell. But aside from its rhetoric effect, I think its repetition subtly draws a connection between "the noise from the railroad crossing" and "the inside of my chest", which is why I added the "just as..." and so forth.
Okay lastly, there isn't a specific line, but if you look at the lyrics, the entire song is very vague about who is doing what (at least to me). I took my best guess of whether to use "I" or "you" based on the context. Sometimes I can avoid the issue by using "we". If you can suggest some tips for better understanding when it's "I" and "you" and so on, that would be greatly appreciated.
Here is the rest of my translation so far:
夕立残っている街の中 それじゃまたねと小さく振るよ
改札の先、目で追いかけて 期待通りにはなかなかね
In the town of remaining evening showers, we do a small wave and say, “see you then”
As I rather expected, my eyes follow you past the ticket gate
小さな灯りで満たされてく 一人きりでよける水たまり
なんだか思ってたよりもう一つ 自分勝手にはなれないね
The puddles that I dodge all alone are filling with a small light
I thought of it a little once again, but I can’t selfishly change it
何かが壊れてしまいそうで
また今日も過ぎていく
It seems like something is accidentally broken
And this day passes again and again
レールは君を運んで行くから
いつも同じ見飽きた帰り道
まとめた言葉 単純なのにな
いつも上手く言えないのはなんでだろう
The rail goes and carries you
The way home is always the same, and I grew tired of watching it
Though the words to summarize everything are simple,
Why can’t I always say it well?
「たとえ気まずくなってしまっても
また作り直せばいいはずさ
何も始まっていないからね」
もう一人の僕が言い聞かせる
"Even if things become bad
If we fix it again it will be just fine
Because nothing has started yet”
???
開く前に答え合わせ
大きくなる踏切の音
さわぐ さわぐ胸の中を
見せることができるのならどうなるんだろう?
???
The noise from the railroad crossing grows larger
Just as the inside of my chest that is also roaring
And if I can show it, how will things become?
臆病だけど冷めない心
乗り過ごして気付くんだ
今日もまた
I’m a coward, but my heart that hasn't cooled
Realizes it and misses my stop
And today too
レールは君を運んで行くから
いつも同じ見飽きた帰り道
まとめた言葉 単純なのにな
いつも上手く言えないのはなんでだろ
The rail goes and carries you
The way home is always the same, and I grew tired of watching it
Though the words to summarize everything are simple,
Why can’t I always say it well?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8AO3JC_1MD8
And that's it! I'm sorry this is so long. Thanks in advance for helping!
So here we go! These are the big issues:
1. もう一人の僕が言い聞かせる
I'm taking it as "Already my lonely self is saying that." If that is correct, then I'm looking for a better way to word it because, according to my Japanese dictionary, 言い聞かせる means to persuade, to instruct, and to warn. I used "saying", and I feel like it doesn't have the same connotation. Unless I totally translated the phrase incorrectly.
2. 開く前に答え合わせ
I'm pretty sure the first part says "Before opening up..." but I'm having trouble with the rest. I know 答え means "answer". 合わせ looks to me like 会う, meaning "to meet", conjugated in the causative form, which makes it "make someone meet" or "let someone meet". However, it seems to leave off the rest of the conjugation. Is there some other meaning other than that then?
Okay a whole stanza this time:
3. 大きくなる踏切りの音|さわぐ さわぐ胸の中を|見せることができるのならどうなるんだろう?
I translated this as "The noise from the railroad crossing grows larger/Just as the inside of my chest that is also roaring/And if I can show it, how will things become?" What do you think?
I love this part because the repeated word, さわぐ (to roar/make a loud noise), adds to the image of a train approaching a crossing and ringing its bell. But aside from its rhetoric effect, I think its repetition subtly draws a connection between "the noise from the railroad crossing" and "the inside of my chest", which is why I added the "just as..." and so forth.
Okay lastly, there isn't a specific line, but if you look at the lyrics, the entire song is very vague about who is doing what (at least to me). I took my best guess of whether to use "I" or "you" based on the context. Sometimes I can avoid the issue by using "we". If you can suggest some tips for better understanding when it's "I" and "you" and so on, that would be greatly appreciated.
Here is the rest of my translation so far:
夕立残っている街の中 それじゃまたねと小さく振るよ
改札の先、目で追いかけて 期待通りにはなかなかね
In the town of remaining evening showers, we do a small wave and say, “see you then”
As I rather expected, my eyes follow you past the ticket gate
小さな灯りで満たされてく 一人きりでよける水たまり
なんだか思ってたよりもう一つ 自分勝手にはなれないね
The puddles that I dodge all alone are filling with a small light
I thought of it a little once again, but I can’t selfishly change it
何かが壊れてしまいそうで
また今日も過ぎていく
It seems like something is accidentally broken
And this day passes again and again
レールは君を運んで行くから
いつも同じ見飽きた帰り道
まとめた言葉 単純なのにな
いつも上手く言えないのはなんでだろう
The rail goes and carries you
The way home is always the same, and I grew tired of watching it
Though the words to summarize everything are simple,
Why can’t I always say it well?
「たとえ気まずくなってしまっても
また作り直せばいいはずさ
何も始まっていないからね」
もう一人の僕が言い聞かせる
"Even if things become bad
If we fix it again it will be just fine
Because nothing has started yet”
???
開く前に答え合わせ
大きくなる踏切の音
さわぐ さわぐ胸の中を
見せることができるのならどうなるんだろう?
???
The noise from the railroad crossing grows larger
Just as the inside of my chest that is also roaring
And if I can show it, how will things become?
臆病だけど冷めない心
乗り過ごして気付くんだ
今日もまた
I’m a coward, but my heart that hasn't cooled
Realizes it and misses my stop
And today too
レールは君を運んで行くから
いつも同じ見飽きた帰り道
まとめた言葉 単純なのにな
いつも上手く言えないのはなんでだろ
The rail goes and carries you
The way home is always the same, and I grew tired of watching it
Though the words to summarize everything are simple,
Why can’t I always say it well?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8AO3JC_1MD8
And that's it! I'm sorry this is so long. Thanks in advance for helping!