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Khimintu
09-28-2014, 07:00 PM
Hello, thanks for taking the time to look at this! I'm looking for some help translating Ao Haru Ride's ending song, "Blue", by Fujifabric, before I submit it. I've done most of it, but there's a few lines I either don't understand or would like some feedback on. If it's not too much trouble, I would really appreciate the help.

So here we go! These are the big issues:

1. もう一人の僕が言い聞かせる

I'm taking it as "Already my lonely self is saying that." If that is correct, then I'm looking for a better way to word it because, according to my Japanese dictionary, 言い聞かせる means to persuade, to instruct, and to warn. I used "saying", and I feel like it doesn't have the same connotation. Unless I totally translated the phrase incorrectly.

2. 開く前に答え合わせ

I'm pretty sure the first part says "Before opening up..." but I'm having trouble with the rest. I know 答え means "answer". 合わせ looks to me like 会う, meaning "to meet", conjugated in the causative form, which makes it "make someone meet" or "let someone meet". However, it seems to leave off the rest of the conjugation. Is there some other meaning other than that then?

Okay a whole stanza this time:

3. 大きくなる踏切りの音|さわぐ さわぐ胸の中を|見せることができるのならどうなるんだろう?

I translated this as "The noise from the railroad crossing grows larger/Just as the inside of my chest that is also roaring/And if I can show it, how will things become?" What do you think?

I love this part because the repeated word, さわぐ (to roar/make a loud noise), adds to the image of a train approaching a crossing and ringing its bell. But aside from its rhetoric effect, I think its repetition subtly draws a connection between "the noise from the railroad crossing" and "the inside of my chest", which is why I added the "just as..." and so forth.

Okay lastly, there isn't a specific line, but if you look at the lyrics, the entire song is very vague about who is doing what (at least to me). I took my best guess of whether to use "I" or "you" based on the context. Sometimes I can avoid the issue by using "we". If you can suggest some tips for better understanding when it's "I" and "you" and so on, that would be greatly appreciated.

Here is the rest of my translation so far:

夕立残っている街の中 それじゃまたねと小さく振るよ
改札の先、目で追いかけて 期待通りにはなかなかね

In the town of remaining evening showers, we do a small wave and say, “see you then”
As I rather expected, my eyes follow you past the ticket gate

小さな灯りで満たされてく 一人きりでよける水たまり
なんだか思ってたよりもう一つ 自分勝手にはなれないね

The puddles that I dodge all alone are filling with a small light
I thought of it a little once again, but I can’t selfishly change it

何かが壊れてしまいそうで
また今日も過ぎていく

It seems like something is accidentally broken
And this day passes again and again

レールは君を運んで行くから
いつも同じ見飽きた帰り道
まとめた言葉 単純なのにな
いつも上手く言えないのはなんでだろう

The rail goes and carries you
The way home is always the same, and I grew tired of watching it
Though the words to summarize everything are simple,
Why can’t I always say it well?

「たとえ気まずくなってしまっても
また作り直せばいいはずさ
何も始まっていないからね」
もう一人の僕が言い聞かせる

"Even if things become bad
If we fix it again it will be just fine
Because nothing has started yet”
???

開く前に答え合わせ
大きくなる踏切の音
さわぐ さわぐ胸の中を
見せることができるのならどうなるんだろう?

???
The noise from the railroad crossing grows larger
Just as the inside of my chest that is also roaring
And if I can show it, how will things become?

臆病だけど冷めない心
乗り過ごして気付くんだ
今日もまた

I’m a coward, but my heart that hasn't cooled
Realizes it and misses my stop
And today too

レールは君を運んで行くから
いつも同じ見飽きた帰り道
まとめた言葉 単純なのにな
いつも上手く言えないのはなんでだろ

The rail goes and carries you
The way home is always the same, and I grew tired of watching it
Though the words to summarize everything are simple,
Why can’t I always say it well?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8AO3JC_1MD8

And that's it! I'm sorry this is so long. Thanks in advance for helping!

EJTranslations
09-29-2014, 07:34 PM
Hi, welcome to the forum!

もう一人のX (or もう一つのX, or whatever counter, really) is a construction meaning "another X", so that would probably be "another me" in that line. At a guess, the singer means it in the sense of "a part of me says this" or "this is what I tell myself".

As for 答え合わせ, what you've got here is a compound verb, and when 合う (or any kanji variation thereof) is in the second position in a compound verb, what it does is make the action of the first verb reciprocal/mutual. So for example, 語る is "to talk", and 語り合う is "to talk to each other". Not sure, but I think the things that are answering/responding to each other here might be the train and the singer's heart?

That's about all I've got the brainpower for tonight, but hopefully someone else can take a closer look at things.

Khimintu
09-29-2014, 07:53 PM
Ah I see. Thank you so much!

Grain
09-29-2014, 08:37 PM
>夕立残っている街の中 それじゃまたねと小さく振るよ
>In the town of remaining evening showers, we do a small wave and say, “see you then”

Maybe it's just me, but I feel like there's something wrong with the first half of this translation. It's pretty hard to put into English. As for the second half, I think it's more like, "We lightly wave to each other as if to say, 'Well then, see you later'."

>いつも同じ見飽きた帰り道
>The way home is always the same, and I grew tired of watching it

To me this line seems more like, "I'm tired of watching you always go home." The speaker isn't actually on the train. He's saying goodbye to his friend that he has a crush on. She went past the ticket gate, not both of them.

>いつも上手く言えないのはなんでだろう
>Why can’t I always say it well?

Itsumo + negative verb is usually translated as "never." In this case, "How come I can never say it smoothly?" Or perhaps, "Why can't I ever say it the right way?"

>たとえ気まずくなってしまっても
>また作り直せばいいはずさ
>Even if things become bad
>If we fix it again it will be just fine

I'm sorry to nitpick, but there are some problems. Kimazui doesn't just mean "bad," it means that two people are mutually experiencing an unpleasant feeling. Hazu means that the singer is stating his expectation in the second line. In the context of the song, the singer is a bit worried that he'll do something stupid and create an awkward situation with his crush.

Even if things suddenly get awkward
If we fix it up, it should be just fine

>開く前に答え合わせ
>大きくなる踏切の音
>さわぐ さわぐ胸の中を
>見せることができるのならどうなるんだろう?
>???
>The noise from the railroad crossing grows larger
>Just as the inside of my chest that is also roaring
>And if I can show it, how will things become?

Before the doors open, we reply to each other
As the railroad crossing gets really noisy
What would happen if I could show you
What's within my clamoring, clamoring chest?

That's my interpretation. Your translation is incorrect, since 見せる's object is 胸の中, not an implied それ.

Khimintu
09-29-2014, 09:03 PM
Oh I see what you mean! I do agree that the speaker isn't the one that goes on the train. Though I took it more as his love left sometime ago, and he frequently waits at the train station in case she returns.

I did know that 見せる's object is 胸の中. I suppose I was also just trying to keep the original order of the lines.

Thanks for your help!

Grain
09-29-2014, 09:31 PM
>I did know that 見せる's object is 胸の中. I suppose I was also just trying to keep the original order of the lines.

Oh, that's what you meant? In that case it's not wrong, but I still like my translation better.

>Thanks for your help!

:happy: