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WasuretaiRekishi
01-20-2012, 10:30 AM
I have decided to ask for help translating/checking the Negima Drama songs I took upon myself to translate~

Some of them really suck, lol, but I don't always translate very literally, so remember that, please.

Thank you!

So anywayyyyyyy, here's the first song, Kokoro, Nijuusou:

静寂を泳ぐ鼓動 眠れずに抱きしめてた
言葉に変えなくても 絆感じてるよ

素直になれずに 切なくて見つめてた
夕凪に身を潜めて 想い出を追いかけた

人は痛みを知るほど 優しくなれるよね
君に巡り逢えたから こんな気持ちになれたよ
光溢れてく

いつまでも変わらない君のその笑顔 見つめてたい
そばにいたいよ ずっとずっと輝き続けて
つまづいて落ち込んで涙流す日も 一人じゃない
見つめ合えるよ もっともっと今の先へ行こう

おとぎ話みたいな現実はどこにあるの?
情熱のプレリュード 日々は続いてゆく

幸せの形 それぞれに変わっても
答えは一つだけじゃない 「大切」を温もりに

星一つない夜でも 君を見つけるから
弱さも愛せるように 瞳を逸らさぬように
煌めく世界へ

いつの日か離れても心で強がる 願いがある
前に進もう ゆっくりでもいい 自分を信じて
理想とか憧れに胸が勇む日も 誰かじゃない・・・
自分に負けぬように行こう 本当の笑顔で

今ここに溢れてる奇跡を感じて 未来になろう
回り道にも答えがある 無駄なんてないよね!

いつまでも変わらない君のその笑顔
見つめてたい 一緒にいたいよ
ずっとずっと輝き続けて
つまづいて落ち込んで涙流す日も
一人じゃない 見つめ合えるよ
もっともっと光の先へと

A pulse swims in the silence, and can't I sleep embraced in it
Our words won't change, and I can feel our bonds

I can't turn honest after I've seen too much pain
My body is hidden in the evening calm, as I chase after distant memories

Even people who know too much pain can turn gentle
My feelings became this way when I met you
The light overflows

I want to see your certain smile, the smile that will never change
I want to always be by your side, and continue to shine
You're never alone on those days when you trip, fall or cry
More, more, look at me and let's go to the future
Where are you in this fairy tale-like world,
Where a passionate prelude continues daily?

Happiness is different for everyone
But there is always more than one thing that can make you feel important

I can still find you in a sky full of stars
Weakness is like love; you don't avert your eyes from it
Let's go a glittering world

One of these days, we'll be seperated because our hearts will wish to grow stronger
Let's believe in ourselves and slowly move on
Don't yearn for someone who may seem ideal on days that your heart aches
And so that I don't get hurt, I show my true smile

Right here, right now you can feel the overflowing miracle changing the future
Answers also exist on any detours you take, you're not useless!

I want to see your certain smile, the smile that will never change
Let's always be together, side by side, and continue to shine
You're never alone on those days when you trip, fall or cry
More, more, look at me and let's go into the light

Yeah, I hate the word 先, I can never understand what it's used for I can never understand what it's used for ;___;

Hinamawari
01-20-2012, 01:02 PM
眠れずに抱きしめてた
The object of 抱きしめてた is 鼓動 (and the implied subject would be 私), not vice versa.

言葉に変えなくても 絆感じてるよ
AをBに変える: turn A into B
The full sentence would be along the line of (私達の)絆を言葉に変えなくても感じてるよ

素直になれずに 切なくて見つめてた
There's a loose causal relationship between the two clauses. The action in the first clause (素直になれず) precedes the action in the seconnd clause (切なくて見つめてた).

人は痛みを知るほど 優しくなれるよね
知るほど: contraction of 知れば知るほど

そばにいたいよ ずっとずっと輝き続けて
Your translation is correct, though this could also be interpreted as: "I want to always be by your side, so continue to shine"

おとぎ話みたいな現実はどこにあるの?
ある is used for inanimate objects. The subject of ある should be おとぎ話みたいな現実 instead of 君

星一つない夜でも 君を見つけるから
A sky/night without stars (:

弱さも愛せるように 瞳を逸らさぬように
弱さも愛せる: Literally, being able to love even your weakness

いつの日か離れても心で強がる 願いがある
離れても: First condition: (even) if we...
心で強がる 願いがある: I think these are two seperate clauses: "my heart won't show any weakness" and "I have a wish"

理想とか憧れに胸が勇む日も 誰かじゃない・・・
自分に負けぬように行こう 本当の笑顔で
These two lines are connected. A breakdown would be:
理想とか憧れに胸が勇む日も
誰かじゃない、自分に負けぬように --> in order not to lose against no one else but yourself
行こう
本当の笑顔で

今ここに溢れてる奇跡を感じて 未来になろう
The subject is 私達, not 奇跡. I'm aware that you might have translated this line as such to avoid being too literal, but I think "you can feel the overflowing miracle changing the future" takes away a lot from the original meaning.

回り道にも答えがある 無駄なんてないよね!
The 回り道 are not 無駄

もっともっと光の先へと
光の先: literally, beyond the light. I think of this as: Let's go and see what lies beyond that (light).

WasuretaiRekishi
01-23-2012, 02:48 PM
Thanks so much for helping me!

DX I tend to translate one line at a time, so I miss when lines are connected and so on.

And a weird thing, I thought I edited it, but 勇む is actually 痛む, XD, my bad.

So, re-editing the translation I get....

This:

I swim in the silence, and the embraced pulse can't sleep (...I don't think this is totally correct)
Even if our bonds can't be changed into words, I can feel them

I couldn't turn honest and now I've seen too much pain (切なくて isn't exactly "pain" but it seems to make the most sense to me in this sentence)
My body is hidden in the evening calm, as I chase after distant memories

If people know pain, they know too much, but they can still be gentle (...Eh, this one kinda erks me a bit ;__;)
My feelings became this way when I met you
The light overflows

I want to see your certain smile, the smile that will never change
I want to always be by your side, and continue to shine
You're never alone on those days when you trip, fall or cry
More, more, look at me and let's go to the future

Where is that fairy tale-like world,
Where a passionate prelude continues daily?

Happiness is different for everyone
But there is always more than one thing that can make you feel important

I can still find you in a sky without stars
I love everything about you, even your weak points (Yeah, this one isn't too literal, lol)
Let's go a glittering world

Even if someday we get seperated, my heart won't show any weakness... I have a wish?? (I honestly don't know where this should go, it seems out of place...)
Let's believe in ourselves and slowly move on
There are ideal things that you yearn for on days your heart aches
So we don't lose to anyone but ourselves,
Let's go with our true smiles

Right here, right now, we can feel the overflowing miracle turning into the future (...DX Yeah, I need some more help here)
Answers also exist on any detours you take, they're not useless!

I want to see your certain smile, the smile that will never change
Let's always be together, side by side, and continue to shine
You're never alone on those days when you trip, fall or cry
More, more, let's see what's beyond the light

Yeah, I still need a bit of help DX

Hinamawari
01-24-2012, 10:20 PM
静寂を泳ぐ鼓動 眠れずに抱きしめてた
For the first clause, what you originally had is correct: 静寂を泳ぐ modifies 鼓動 (i.e. 鼓動 is the subject of 泳ぐ). For the second clause, the implied subject is 私 and the implied object is 鼓動. There are two actions in the second clause: unable to sleep and embrace.

切なくて見つめてた
I've seen too much pain
切なくて is an adverb; it modifies the action 見つめてた.

人は痛みを知るほど 優しくなれるよね
Literally: The more people know pain, the more they can become gentle.

瞳を逸らさぬように
You omitted the translation for this part

I have a wish??
The wish is elaborated in the following sentences: for the two of them to keep moving forward and to have faith in themselves.

理想とか憧れに胸が痛む日も
There are ideal things that you yearn for on days your heart aches
理想 and 憧れ are both causes for 胸が痛む. The way you have it right now, the nuance is different: 理想 and 憧れ are subsequent actions of 胸が痛む.

未来になろう
Let's become the future

Still, you'll need to pass the level 2 test before you can submit your own translations, though.

WasuretaiRekishi
03-14-2012, 01:34 PM
*incredbly late response*

XD Yeah, it must seem weird that I'm asking for help when I can't even sumbit the lyrics.

But, I'm using them to learn more about Japanese, because I must've read a thousand books, but nothing helps me learn more than the songs. Lol, that's weird, isn't it?

But back on topic...

I shall now take another shot!

I can't sleep embraced in the pulse that swims through the silence (This sounds the same as my first one :/)
But, even if our bonds can't be put into words, I can still feel them

Now I've painfully seen what's happened because I couldn't be honest
And my body is hidden in the evening calm as I chase after distant memories

The more people know pain, the more they can become gentle
My feelings became this way when I met you
The light overflows (Honestly, there has to be somewhere I can work this in...)

I want to see your certain smile, the smile that will never change
I want to always be by your side and continue to shine
You're never alone on those days when you trip, fall or cry
Look at me more and more, and let's go to the future

Where is that fairy tale like world,
Where a passionate prelude continues daily?

Happiness is different for everyone
But there is always more than one thing that can make you feel important

I can still find you in a sky without stars
I love everything about you, and I can't take my eyes off you (The weak points got the boot, but it "everything" includes those... I hope)
Let's go to a glittering world

Even if someday we get seperated, my heart won't show any weakness
I have a wish for us to believe in ourselves and slowly move on
Even if your ideals and wishes cause your heart to ache
And so we don't lose to anyone but ourselves, let's go out with our true smiles

Right here, right now, we can feel the overflowing miracle turning us into the future
There are answers where ever you go, so don't be afraid to take a shortcut (This isn't literal at all, but the literal line is too boring for me xD)

I want to see your certain smile, the smile that will never change
I want to always be by your side and continue to shine
You're never alone on those days when you trip, fall or cry
Let's see more and more of what lies beyond the light