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brolyx74
02-08-2011, 04:29 PM
Is marriage unavoidable? Is having children unavoidable? Personally, I don't plan on getting married or having children, but my dad thinks no matter what I do I will meet a girl who will get me to get married and have children.

What do you guys think? Are these things inevitable or can you make the decision to not get married or have children and stick with it?

Technically of course you can go through life without getting married or having children, so I suppose the real underlying question here would be "Does society substantially stress marriage and children on individuals?"

Eris
02-08-2011, 04:37 PM
I thought this thread was going to be about the show. I even started playing the theme song in my head. Now I am disappoint.

I'm playing this song instead

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h_Cwc7gUVbw

Penshiru
02-08-2011, 04:47 PM
Well "we" as a society today are more accepting today of people that do not marriage or children I think. I think the stress of mariage is more put on your parents because they got married and had you as your kid so they expect you to have kids of your own.
In the end they will accept your personal choice later on in life to have kids or not or even if you want to be married.
And who knows you may want to marry someone in the future so only time will tell.
( this is all my views on the subject I've had this topic for discussion many times in my psych class lol )

Meteorkeeper
02-08-2011, 04:48 PM
I don’t think it's unavoidable in the least but I do think it is far more socially acceptable to be marred before a cretin age.

Genghis Beatrix
02-08-2011, 04:50 PM
It's a person's choice whether they want to get married or have kids, and you can prevent one 100%, but the other only at a maximum of 99%. I chose to do both, and I love it. It's hard work, but I'm all the happier for it.

~*Red*~
02-08-2011, 04:54 PM
I want to get married and have kids later on in life, when I meet the right girl and we get settled down first.

Bibi of the Blue Sea
02-08-2011, 04:55 PM
I thought the same thing too.

I don't feel that marriage is unavoidable, however I do feel that the "need" or "desire" to have offspring is not just a social "norm". It's much more than that. As a species, it's in our instincts to want to copulate and bear children. It's necessary for the survival of our species.
Now that doesn't mean you must be married to do so.

Uta-chan~
02-08-2011, 04:59 PM
This is ironic seeing as yesterday I dreamt that I was married with two kids. @___@;;

Anyway, yes, of course people have their own opinions on marriage and having kids and their right to choose to do so or not but there is a lot of pressure to and society is a harsh critic. Marriage and having children seems more socially acceptable. If you're young and a virgin (say around my age) then society looks down on you yet if you're around 40yo and still a virgin society finds it hard to accept who you are and the choices you've made with the matter. But that's beside the point. So I think we're pressured into marriage. Also, because some parents want to be grandparents, they pressure their own to have children. But I still do believe that it's unavoidable but most likely that people stray down the other path and go with marriage.

Personally, I would like to be married one day and have my own children. If not, then I'd like to adopt ^^

TadashiED
02-08-2011, 05:09 PM
It is a person's choice, but what affects the choice is what you'll have to wait and see for.

CMNDR_Spinxie
02-08-2011, 05:09 PM
This is ironic seeing as yesterday I dreamt that I was married with two kids. @___@;;

Anyway, yes, of course people have their own opinions on marriage and having kids and their right to choose to do so or not but there is a lot of pressure to and society is a harsh critic. Marriage and having children seems more socially acceptable. If you're young and a virgin (say around my age) then society looks down on you yet if you're around 40yo and still a virgin society finds it hard to accept who you are and the choices you've made with the matter. But that's beside the point. So I think we're pressured into marriage. Also, because some parents want to be grandparents, they pressure their own to have children. But I still do believe that it's unavoidable but most likely that people stray down the other path and go with marriage.

Personally, I would like to be married one day and have my own children. If not, then I'd like to adopt ^^

Agreed. But nowadays, with the divorce rates as high as they are and society's general mindset drifting further and further into the realms of the egocentric, people aren't, I think, so judgmental about the singles out there. In fact, the popular voice of our peer generations seems to avidly and proudly protest against the marital constraints and the struggle of raising children.

It's definitely not inevitable; it's your own choice. :P

Meenah
02-08-2011, 05:47 PM
I really want to be a wife and a mother later on in my life. I don't care what society is like now or how it is. I came from a big family and I want one of my own. It would just make me happy and feel complete.
As for those who goes on to say that they don't want this, things do happen. ;P Be careful on things you say, it may end up biting you in the arse later on. lol Just saying~ funny things happen in life.

Kusuke
02-08-2011, 05:50 PM
I thought the same thing too.

I don't feel that marriage is unavoidable, however I do feel that the "need" or "desire" to have offspring is not just a social "norm". It's much more than that. As a species, it's in our instincts to want to copulate and bear children. It's necessary for the survival of our species.
Now that doesn't mean you must be married to do so.

I agree with this.

Marriage is a religious (and thus a social) practice so it is not necessary. Though it is so ingrained in our societies that even if you don't expect to marry, the person (or people) you end up being with in the future may further stress it. It's ultimately your choice though.

I would like to get married and have kids one day... It'll help make my life even more interesting than it already is.

Aleyna
02-08-2011, 05:57 PM
I hope it's unavoidable, because right now is the worst time for me to get knocked or something how magically have a baby without the use of a sperm(poor Mary)!

OtakuInu!!!
02-08-2011, 08:21 PM
It could be your decision to not marry and not have kids. But the future is unpredictable so you might change your mind.

It's not that they stress you to get married and have kids when you get older but it's just that it's common and when you grow up you need someone to take care of you and you won't be alone.

Anoleis
02-08-2011, 08:34 PM
They are both avoidable; neither are required to live, ergo one can live without them.

Light Buster
02-08-2011, 08:55 PM
Well, you don't have to but I just found out that people live longer if they have a family.

Wio
02-08-2011, 09:15 PM
I have to be honest. Marriage isn't just optional, it's dangerous--a sucker's bet. We all know the statistics. What do betrothed people think? "It's not going to happen to me." or "They're not as mature as we are."? I'm not sure whether to call this ignorance or arrogance. It takes two to tango, but it only takes one to slam your caboose to the ground and run off with most your money. Let's not forget that even if you don't get divorced, you still could end up in a miserable marriage as a cuckold or pack-mule spouse.

Quite a few profit off marriage, a few profit off keeping unhappy marriages afloat, but the real money is in divorce. In almost all divorces, there is a cash flow going from the higher earner (and usually the one who is more conservative with money) to the lower/non-earner (who spends other's money with no hesitation). Nothing could be better for companies that sell useless garbage. To the government it might be one less person on the dole where one party incapable of making sufficient income.

I know I'm cynical and I have every right to be. I've so many acquaintances and old friends who were burned by this system. A few had to be tossed around biweekly and poisoned by each parent against the other. A couple are cuckolds (one is trying to make things "work"). Another one was made to pay >80% of his income (literally impossible even if magically had no expenses). Actually I don't know where he is anymore because he had to expatriate. Keep in mind I'm talking about middle class, educated people here.

MiscPsychopath
02-08-2011, 09:37 PM
Hm. I have been told alot in my life that I was not born with a need for another person. I enjoy the thought of having a person there for me, but in reality I find it annoying. I couldn't ever see myself married, but I can see myself with a child. Never in any of my dreams have I ever had a husband or a boyfriend, but I have had a child in my dreams on several occasions.

=/ I think there are just some people that feel the need to have someone and to be married, while there are others that are fine alone with the random company.

Kusuke
02-08-2011, 10:04 PM
They are both avoidable; neither are required to live, ergo one can live without them.

Just because it's not required to live doesn't mean it's avoidable. The law in the U.S., for example, requires people to go to school from ~5 to 18 years old. I don't need school to live, but one of three things is now unavoidable. I'll either go to school, or juvenile hall, or if I'm young enough my parents will be held responsible and either pay or go to jail. I'm not saying that this is the same as marriage or child bearing, I'm saying that there may be external factors that direct you in ways where you may become unable to avoid a situation that ends up with one of those two things.

Anoleis
02-08-2011, 10:20 PM
Just because it's not required to live doesn't mean it's avoidable. The law in the U.S., for example, requires people to go to school from ~5 to 18 years old. I don't need school to live, but one of three things is now unavoidable. I'll either go to school, or juvenile hall, or if I'm young enough my parents will be held responsible and either pay or go to jail. I'm not saying that this is the same as marriage or child bearing, I'm saying that there may be external factors that direct you in ways where you may become unable to avoid a situation that ends up with one of those two things.
Explain a situation* where one is required to marry, and have children, to live.

*Realistic situation.

Skylar1
02-08-2011, 10:57 PM
ugh.. yeah, no.

It's completely avoidable.

I will not get married, and I most certainly will not have kids. I actually get really annoyed when people say otherwise because it implies that I'm some sort of idiot that doesn't know what they want.

Kusuke
02-08-2011, 11:29 PM
Explain a situation* where one is required to marry, and have children, to live.

*Realistic situation.

I didn't say that I had a situation... I just said that it can't be that they are avoidable ONLY because they're not required to survive.

I also didn't say they weren't avoidable in general.

But, here's a small example. If you wish to live in another country, if you are refused a visa or citizenship and you absolutely want to stay, your only choices are marriage or constant appeals. If by chance you choose constant appeals and you lose, they may decide to deport you or arrest you. If this is imminent, your only choice is marriage.

Anoleis
02-08-2011, 11:46 PM
I didn't say that I had a situation... I just said that it can't be that they are avoidable ONLY because they're not required to survive.
I didn't say that they were avoidable ONLY because one doesn't need them to survive :/

Kusuke
02-08-2011, 11:56 PM
I didn't say that they were avoidable ONLY because one doesn't need them to survive :/

It was the only reason you provided... So, I just assumed it was the only reason. O.O

dream magician
02-09-2011, 07:02 AM
Well, I think it depends on the individual if he will go with what the society is telling him/her to do.. I have met a lot of people who are still single- but I don't really know if it's their choice or not (sorry)..

Anuket
02-09-2011, 07:06 AM
If you were Chinese and lives in the mainland, then yes neither are avoidable. Eventually your parents would look for someone to have you arranged and have you doing the whole marriage business faster than you can spell the word divorce. But seeing as most of you don't then you pretty much have a say about it, you can choose. Just like the American way I was told by many foreign friends, "There's always a choice."

In my opinion, yes you can avoid marriage and probably even children but it has always bothered me that this way of thinking of avoidance only means that you haven't found the right person. Judge me for saying that but that's what I really think of when I meet someone in their 30s and still has no plan about marriage and/or children. Maybe it's just because of the way I was raised - the all-so-conservative - idea of family, but that's just how I see it.

Wouldn't you get lonely when you're old and there's no one their to keep you warm or even be their just for the sake of companionship?

miniPhil
02-09-2011, 12:30 PM
I will not get married, and I most certainly will not have kids. I actually get really annoyed when people say otherwise because it implies that I'm some sort of idiot that doesn't know what they want.

It's not so much that people think you're an idiot but rather that you're only 19. People change all the time, we grow and our opinions don't stay the same. I'm 20, I don't want to get married but who knows what can happen in ten or twenty years.

DOOM!
02-09-2011, 01:11 PM
Is marriage unavoidable? Is having children unavoidable? Personally, I don't plan on getting married or having children, but my dad thinks no matter what I do I will meet a girl who will get me to get married and have children.

What do you guys think? Are these things inevitable or can you make the decision to not get married or have children and stick with it?

Technically of course you can go through life without getting married or having children, so I suppose the real underlying question here would be "Does society substantially stress marriage and children on individuals?"

Oh, don't you worry your little head; you don't risk finding a significant other, spreading your genes and raising a house and responsible lifestyle to shelter them much. Some people actually strive hard to acquire that. Chances, in fact, are you'll be dead from heart failure in your sleep with your head on a nyo-neko-futanari-something pillow at age 40 and no one will find out till they break in because your rent will be due.

Senjou_Akira
02-10-2011, 06:04 AM
i don't really want to die with only having my friends or relatives by my side.
honestly, i'm fond with kids. i do want to get married to the right person and have a happy family.
it's just somehow, i want to spend my old and mature years living for someone's benefit, that would be for my children.

Shinn Kamiyra
02-10-2011, 09:16 AM
With regards to the OP, neither having children nor getting married are inevitabilities. However, we live in a society* where many people believe otherwise and force their expectations on others.


Personally, I don’t plan on getting married or having children, but my dad thinks no matter what I do I will meet a girl who will get me to get married and have children.


I will not get married, and I most certainly will not have kids. I actually get really annoyed when people say otherwise because it implies that I’m some sort of idiot that doesn’t know what they want.

It’s not that their intentions are necessarily bad; it’s just that they, for the most part, never stop to seriously consider that what worked for them won’t work for someone else. IMO, some people are much better off not being married or having children. It doesn’t say anything, for good or bad, about them. It’s just who they are.

When all is said and done, we’re all still people who are capable of making our own choices. If you aren’t comfortable with the idea of marriage of having children, then don’t. Or, as I prefer to say it: “It’s your life, so live it up however the hell you want!”

* Refers to US society

manslayer101
02-10-2011, 09:48 AM
Actually, I think it has less to do with other people (unless your are easily influenced) and more with the individual and their experiences. If you would've asked me this question a couple of years back or so, I would've told you "I don't wanna have kids". I already wanted marriage, but I didn't really care for kids, but things changed. Now I'm desiring to have children, it's actually part of what I want to accomplish.

The marriage thing, well I feel it's important to get married rather than being with multiple partners. Yes that means commitment, but it's better than being attached to multiple people. I think that stuff can screw you up after a while, having multiple partners I mean, and then it just becomes like something to do on a friday evening.

Anyway, to sum up, I think it's up to the individual.

I think Marriage should be done if you plan on "bow chicka wow wow". (hmmm....bow chicka...)
I think children really depend on you and how much you can deal with them. They can be hectic, but in my opinion the good stuff outweighs the bad stuff.

Hypatia
02-10-2011, 11:49 AM
If you feel that you don't want to have a commitment like marriage or whatever your reason is then chances are that that person won't get married. Some women don't want to get married but they want children.
Whether or not marriage is stressed or not depends on where a person is living and their culture.
For me I do not plan to get married even though people I meet say that all young woman get married.

Infinita
02-10-2011, 12:06 PM
Is marriage unavoidable? Well, see, some people stay engaged for a very long time and never get married. Marriages are very expensive in this day and age and some people don't want to spend a massive amount of money on something like that. Personally, I would rather be engaged for a long time before even thinking of getting married. It's a good way to know that the person you have with is faithful to you and what not.

Is haveing children unavoidable? Having children can be avoidable if you are smart about it. I understand the fact that accidents can happen and not every contraception is 100% for sure. I personally believe this is a personal choice. If you want children or not or have them when you're young or when you're ready.

All in all, you don't have to get married. You can get engaged and remain that way. As for children, that's really a personal choice if you want to or not. When it comes down to it all, it's more of a personal choice than being pressured. I do see that society does stress that marriage is important and that having kids is important but it should be the individual's personal choice to want those things.

I know for a fact I don't want children till I am ready and who knows when that would be and as for being engaged...that will come with time. :3

Nene-Chan
02-17-2011, 08:17 PM
No matter what anyone else does or want's you do to later in life. Marriage and having children is of course optional. It's your life, and you should be the invetable one to shape your future the way you want right? Why else are we provided with a mind of our own? To decide on the action's we take in life of course.

Megamind's Minion
02-19-2011, 09:53 AM
both is a person's choice...
if either will make you happy and lets you escape from such an unhappy existence...
then go ahead.. go for it...