4696 Kanji Check Please

[Hikarin]

I'm ready to submit the lyrics for this song, but I just need someone to check over it if they can because I got the lyrics from the video. Just don't want to make any mistakes. I also made a few changes which are marked in red along with a number to refer to them with. I also change the spelling with two words because they were inconsistent with what was written prior.

Here's a video link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=coVU_DyF0CY


ある時代　ある場所
二匹の白黒猫は
道路越しに　捨てられていた
叶えたい夢がある
敵わない今がある
切望した未来のために
絶望した現実のために
君は喜劇を唄った
お前は悲劇を詠った
奇遇だね　不遇だよ
愉快だね　不快だな
それでも俺は


４６９６～クロノネガイ～


いつからだろいつからだっけ？
俺とお前は道路挟んで
向かい合ったダンボールの中
こんな田舎ハズレの街じゃ
人通りもシケてるけど
拾われるために俺は歌うんだ
箱の中の俺は必死だぜ？

けど、真っ白い毛並みのお前は
いつもすまして何考えてんだか
どうせくだらない悲劇のストーリー
妄想でもしてんだろ

雨の日も　晴の日も
風の日も　雪の日も
箱から眺める景色
そう変わりやしないや
お前のその面も飽きたぜ？
いいかげん少し口きいたらどうだ？
俺には関係ないけどな

いつの日か　拾われる
その為に　歌うんだ
いつかは夢見た景色
そう遠くはないよ
俺が歌歌ってて[1]もお前は無視して
妄想ばかり「聞いてんのか？」
お前は俺が嫌いなんだな

どうしてだろどうしてだっけ？
お前と向き合い捨てられてた
理由なんて忘却の中
こんなボロイだけの寝どこじゃ
まともに夜も眠れないから
早く拾われて幸せになってやる
お前との日々も悪かないけどな？

なのに真っ白い毛並みのお前を
可愛い少女が笑顔でつれていく
おいやめろ　どこに連れて行くんだ
俺らを切り裂くんじゃねぇよ

辛い日も　嬉しい日も
眠い日も　だるい日も
箱から眺めた景色
そう変わらないのに
まさか先に拾われるのか？
お前は俺を一人にすんのか？
俺だけがここに残るのか

だけれども　寒空の
ここよりも　幸せだろ
前から夢見た景色
そう広がってんだろ
「俺にかまわず行けよ！」と叫んだのに
またお前無視した「聞いてんだろ！」
俺はお前が嫌いだ…

時は流れ冬の季節
大っきらいな色が空から振ってきた
ふと思い出す
あいつ幸せにやってっかな
最後まであいつ何も言わなかったな
いなくなってせいせいしたぜって
あぁでももう…歌う
（意味はないな） / （意味もないな）[2]

俺の前に倒れるいけすかない白い姿
おい　なんだ　お前説明しろ

なんでそんなにボロボロだ
どうしてお前はここに来たんだ
温かいご飯があっただろ？
ふわふわ布団はどうした？
お前は一体何が不満で
こんなとこに戻ってきたんだ
お前がいるとこはここじゃねぇダろ
お前は俺のことが嫌いｄ…？！

「君の歌、聞かせてよ」

雨の日も　晴の日も
黒い日も　白い日も
箱から眺める景色　お前がいつもいた
お前いつも聞いてたんじゃねぇか？
すました顔して聞いてたんじゃねぇか！
お前はほんとに嫌な奴だ

助けてくれ　助けてくれ
お願いだ　お願いだ
俺の親友(だち)[3]が今ここで　もお死にそうなんだよ
おいお前ら無視すんじゃねぇよ！
頼むからこいつ拾ってくれよ
このまま悲劇にするもんか

どんな日も　どんな日も
お前がいた　幸せが
だから俺は歌い続けていたんじゃないか
ほらお前が望んでた歌を歌っても
目を閉じたまま「聞こえてるだろ！」
俺はお前が…　大嫌いだ[4]

[1] Even though the lyrics say "utatte", I keep hearing it as "utattete". This needs to be verified.
[2] This is a line in the song that wasn't written on the video but clearly audible. Only thing is, I can't work out if they're saying "Imi wa nai na" or "Imi mo nai na". I'm pretty sure that's what the line is like anyway.... makes sense :x
[3] "Shin'yuu" was written in the lyrics, but I think they sing "dachi"; is that right?
[4] That last part also wasn't written in, but I don't think there's any problem with that line.

[animeyay]

Haha, finally submitted this song, huh?

[1] yes, "utattete".
[2] I hear "Imi mo nai na".
[3] a colloquial term for friends "dachi" (from "tomodachi" of course)
[4] that's an easy one.

---------- Post added at 08:46 AM ---------- Previous post was at 08:44 AM ----------

Also, you absolutely have to mention in your submission that 4696 = shiro-kuro. That's too cool to leave out, XD

[Hikarin]

Ah, thank you animeyay!^^ I had a feeling you would be the first to check it. Yes, well I finally got around to typing out the lyrics.
I just had to make sure I wasn't mishearing anything here so people don't complain to me later ;p Glad I got number 2 cleared up though because it was going too fast for me to tell which one it was. If I could give you reputation, I would *I have to spread some around first* ;p

And wait.... Oh my gosh! I'd been wondering what it meant all this time, but now I get it! I feel like a complete idiot now! =0 *pats* You ish so smart :3

While I have you here, how would you translate this line? 大っきらいな色が空から振ってきた To me, it has somewhat of a double meaning with furu.

[animeyay]

"My most hated color has started to fall from the sky."

It's referring to the snow, of course, which is white, and the black cat hated the white one for a while, didn't he?

[Hikarin]

True; that much I get. So you'd put fall? It's just that that version of furu is slightly different from something falling from the sky. It's more like to swing or to shake; that's what I meant by the whole double-meaning thing.
Oh, and the black cat is totally tsundere. He said he hated her, but her really loved her.

[animeyay]

O WAIT! I see what you mean now. O.o
I read that line "daikkirai na iro ga sora kara futte kita", and completely missed the fact that the kanji for furu was 振 instead of 降.

Let's see, my first impulse is that it's a simple typo... If they were careless enough to miss a て in 歌ってて, then I won't be surprised that they also used a wrong kanji. 振る is a transitive action verb that means "to shake something", so there would need to be an object for the "shake" meaning to work. "swaying" snow would need the verb 震える (which is related to 振る) or more likely 揺れる...

ALTHOUGH, 振られる means "to be rejected/dumped", so maybe there's a double meaning there? Since the black cat thought he had been abandoned by the white cat. I guess you could try "dump" instead of "fall" if you want to at least touch on this kinda-ish double-meaning?

[Hikarin]

Un, that's exactly what Mayumi-chan said. Once I pointed out to her that that furu wasn't the falling kind, she said it's probably reffering to how the cat was abandoned. I think.... I'll work that in somehow and add a comment about it at the end.

[animeyay]

Oh ok! I was afraid I might be overthinking there about furareru, but guess not. =)

Btw, may I weakly ask who Mayumi-chan is again? I wanna say she's your Japanese friend, but my memory doesn't serve.

[Hikarin]

No, your supposition was fine^^
I don't believe you have asked. Mayumi-chan is a Japanese girl that I met and found out that she lives in the same town as me only about two months ago^^ It's great cause I had noone to speak in Japanese to until then. She's originally from Nagoya.