Needing Help? Or Advice.. :(

[Schildknecht]

Well... How do I start this? But I had a boyfriend his name is Chad [removed, please don't post other people's full names on the internets - Eris] and well... as of the Moment hes in the military he left on the 11th Of January and We've been together for.. almost a year.

but to get to the main point...
~ He broke up with me And he says its because we were in a distance, Hes in Kentucky im in Illinois But the thing I was thinking about was that With his other ex's he Visited them and he really didnt have much of a problem.

~ He said He was done with me Long time ago but He kept trying to get ahold of me.. or like kept trying to talk to me or somthing then one day on Xbox while i was on xboxlive ( Mrs Broly - its like that because Chads Gamertage was Broly sooo.... yeah. ) He sent me a Message at like 3 in the morning telling me to call him so when i called him he forwarded my call.. once again.

~ Then 2 days before he left which was on the 9th.. Sunday he called me unexpectedly and when I Picked up the phone i was really really happy to hear from him so I started laughing a bit but next thing you know like 5 minutes later .. I started to cry because i missed him so much and Im not ready for him to be leaving off to the military.
Like we were talking normally like how are you, how is everything, so we were talking and such but then he was saying how he Loves me and still cares for me then he said " you know your making it hard to be your friend " But when he said that I didnt quite get what he meant then he said He wanted to be my friend but i told him... " Im sorry.... I cant accept that.. " because what if I see him with someone else thats basically my heart getting shot at. Then he said "then this is where we go our separate ways and this is my goodbye to you then... Bye. " But the next day he Added me back on xboxlive.. why? I dont know.. didnt he say We go our separate ways? he said he was done? he said goodbye.. ? Now what?

Im so Lost because really I just dont know what hes trying to do.. All I want right now is to be with him and also In that conversation that we had he said he wanted to see me happy with someone else.. but I always told him I didnt want anyone else.. That all I wanted was you and when I say ILove You i stick by on what I say and I mean it. Then he said how im acting as if hes the only guy out there but he wouldnt let me talk.. then I was thinking... Yeah theres other people out there.. Yeah im young still but really.. No-one else did the things that you did.
( Such as... When my mom was beating on me and my brother Chad was the one who called the cops on her.. because he was scared for me and my brother and he was worried.. Thats something I cant forget. The way we Made Love... How we talked about our future.. kids.. a family.. marrage... and he was also the first person Ive mentioned to my family..)

But I really dont know what to do anymore I tried being with someone else but I couldnt because for one Inside it just didnt feel right by 95% and basically its like I dont want to be in a relationship and I dont want to be with anyone else other than Chad... and yeah For him I do have the patience to wait for him... Because after everything I just cant let him go and As for him I feel It and Its like I know hes not done with me I just have that feeling.. I know hes not and another thing Im scared for when he comes back because my friends say that when people come back from the military they tend to become more strict and their personality changes.

[-GAZKUL-]

first up, AF is probably the worst place on earth to come asking for advice so the amount of joke answers is gonna be horrendous. now that the disclaimer's out of the way i'll simply suggest talking to the guy face to face somehow.

[Schildknecht]

Not Really, My friend Posted something somewhat like this and He got pretty good advice out of this.

[SuXrys]

@Schildknecht

First off this is more something to be posted in the blog then in here. http://www.animeforum.com/blog.php

Second, don't post his name or location out like this. I would advice you to edit your OP and take away his name. ~

and third; I think that, even if you don't want to hear it, the best thing that you can do is trying to get over him. He broke of with you, that means he doesn't want to be together with you anymore. I know that that must be hard for you to hear, since im sure that you are still very much in love with him, but that is still a fact. Im sure that he didn't broke up with you before thinking threw that decision alot, since he is an adult (since he is in the military). You said that he still tries to get a hold on you, but still doesn't want to get back to you and I see that as either that he has a hard time giving you up (even if he still wants to) OR that he still have a "controll need" over you - by continue to have a contact with you he is making sure that you don't get over him. He has a need for that attention.

It's normal for you to be sad and crying about this, because you are heartbroken and misses him. But for your own sake and well-being then the best choice is to, even how hard that may be, try to get over him. Don't accept him over xbox live and such - because that will keep you having a contact with him. He has said that he just wants to be your friend, and nothing more. Keeping him close to you will just continue to making you feel bad - and will only keeping your hopes up.

If he still wants you when he comes back home again - he will contact you.
and if he does not.... then you're young and you will meet someone else, and you will not feel like this forever. You just have to give it time.

This 'wound' of yours are still fresh and new; but in time it will heal. Trust me.
You will feel better with time.

[wolfgirl90]

Not Really, My friend Posted something somewhat like this and He got pretty good advice out of this.

Trust me, you haven't been here very long, so you don't know this. But while we AF members have a bank of experience, we are not therapists. And for every one post that might seem genuinely friendly, there are usually about 5 more that will be making jokes about you because, at the end of the day, you did appeal to faceless nerds for your personal issues.

Now, to toss my two cents in, your friend Chad is a bit of a coward (at least in my eyes). He asked you to call him instead of doing it himself, he decided to break it off with you within days of leaving when he had plenty of time to do it before (since he was thinking about it for a while), and he was apparently waiting for you to give him the perfect excuse to break up with you when could have been more upfront about it. He was basically saying "I wanna be just friends because if you see with somebody else, you might go ballistic." You essentially confirmed that this would be the case, so he broke up with you.

However, he still wants to be your "friend". He wants to keep you in his back pocket in case the whole "get-a-military-squeeze" plan doesn't work out (and it probably won't; he's probably not that good at getting a girl if his skills at breaking up with a girl are any indication). Keep you happy, send some mushy messages, and then when he comes home, you are more than willing to forgive and forget, and resume your relationship.

Needless to say, you shouldn't. He can't figure out what to do with you. He doesn't want you getting in his face about being with other people but he doesn't want to get rid of you as a friend because he doesn't know if he's actually going to end up with those "other people" (apparently this is a trait; who in the fiery hell visits their ex's?!). Hell, he couldn't even straight up tell what he wanted from you and he's the one breaking up with you. He wants to play the grown up game, but he's no more grown up than you are; not emotionally, anyway.

Now, I haven't been in a "serious" relationship in a while (as a preference), so its a bit too easy for me to tell you to just drop him like a hot potato (or a bag of smelly garbage, which is what he is), but I'll allow myself to biased for a moment (since I hate people like him). What you should do is minimize the amount of time you think about him. Cry a little, get some advice, chew on it for a while, then swallow it. Don't ask about it anymore after that. Don't be his friend on Xbox, Facebook, wherever you would see his face, his name, his nickname, none of that.

He wants his separate ways, then give it to him. He doesn't know what to with you, so leave him until he can figure it out...or at least until he can get the user manual for whatever game he's playing.