Hello, my pretties. I believe I've been gone from this section far too long. Please, enjoy the mind of a disturbed individual.
This is not to insult or offend anyone. It's just a joke. A very sick joke. If you are easily offended, don't read it.
'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
The cat had eaten it the weekend before
Then threw up bones and fur all over the floor.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
Filled with diamonds and rubies- no oranges or pears!
Ma’s in her red nightie, all trimmed in white fur,
In the hope that I would soon make her purr.
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I yelped in surprise, tore my boxers to tatters.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Stubbed my toe and I fell, got a really big gash.
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Shined on the cleavage of the hos down below.
When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a drunk, fat Santa kicking a big can of beer.
He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with vomit to boot.
His sack was full of bottles, all empty and rattling,
His hand and his crotch seemed to be battling.
The little old man, cursing and violent and quick,
Was giving a bad rap to Good Ol’ Saint Nick.
And he whistled, shouted, and called the hos by their name,
“Hey Dancer, hey Vixen and Blitzen! You are to blame!
“My eyes how they twinkled, my dimples were merry!
But drinking with you made my nose a red cherry!
My pipe is for show, but you stuffed it with weed!
It wasn’t a sleigh, but my car that you keyed!
"Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!
You girls gotta help me get to last call!”
He laughed and his big red belly did quake,
I laughed when I saw him, my breath he did take.
So up the street they staggered and swayed,
I knew without asking those girls would get paid.
A “Happy Christmas to all” followed them past,
And the street grew still, quiet at last.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
My prey caught my eye from the bed where she’s bound.
With red ribbon and lace and a box full of toys,
Tonight would be special- if we kept down the noise.