MELL - Suna no Kaze translation

[yuko132]

Hi! this is my first time posting something in the forum However, I've been working on a translation of this song and here is my first draft. I know that I've Sound songs are complicated to translate because they use a lot of metaphors and are pretty symbolic, but I love MELL so I thought I'd give it a shot

冷たいガラスに　指先滑らせて
欠けた月をなぞる
張り付く涙は　私の血を洗った
青い鳥凍え落ちるの
I slide my fingertips along the cold glass
tracing the moon that is missing
the sticky tears washed away my blood
a blue bird freezes and falls over

時間を止めてあなたに捧げた
嘘を返して
人生の続き退屈な夢　そう
探せないの翼が壊れて
錆びて亡くした
終わりのない悲しみが廻る
I stopped time and gave it to you
giving you back your lies
the continuation of this path (life) is a boring dream
the wings I can't search for break
and become rusty, so I lost them.
the endless sadness goes around

重ねた幻で素肌に赤を描く
裂けた胸鮮やかに咲く
I paint red on my bare skin with the illusion that repeats itself
and my torn chest blooms vividly *

息を止めてあなたが求めた
心壊して
傷跡さえ残らないよう　そう
祈りさえも何も知らない
雨に流れて
焼き尽くした砂の風になる
Holding my breath I longed for you
to break my heart
without leaving behind even a scar
not knowing even how to pray
I drift in the rain
and become a scorching sandy wind

時間を止めてあなたに捧げた
嘘を返して
人生の続き退屈な夢　そう
探せないの翼が壊れて
錆びて亡くした
終わりのない悲しみが廻る
I stopped time and gave it to you
giving you back your lies
the continuation of this path (life) is a boring dream
the wings I can't search for break
and become rusty, so I lost them.
the endless sadness goes around

息を止めてあなたが求めた
心壊して
傷跡さえ残らないよう　そう
祈りさえも何も知らない
雨に流れて
焼き尽くした砂の風になる
Holding my breath I longed for you
to break my heart
without leaving behind even a scar
not knowing even how to pray
I drift in the rain
and become a scorching sandy wind

* I really don't understand this line very well... I think it's the singer who is painting using the illusion, but it isn't very clear to me, I'd really appreciate if someone could help me out with this xD

[EJTranslations]

>探せないの翼が壊れて
>錆びて亡くした

The -te verbs should all take the tense of the last verb in the sequence, and there's also not so much of a cause-and-effect relationship as the current translation implies -- "The wings I can't search for (find?) broke and rusted and I lost them."

>重ねた幻で素肌に赤を描く
>裂けた胸鮮やかに咲く

I think you've made as much sense as can be made of these lines, really. The "blooming vividly" part is probably a poetic reference to her blood, but I'm not sure what to make of the first line.

>息を止めてあなたが求めた

Notice that it's あなたが, not あなたを -- it's the "you" who is doing the longing.

[skyline1241]

Thank you so much for your post.

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