An acquaintance of mine has requested a bit of poetry translated from English to Japanese for a project she's doing. I've dashed off a prose translation as follows:


However, she wants it in 5/7/5/7/7, and I'm having trouble trimming it down. I would very much appreciate any advice.

I'm not including the original text since I think she'd rather I didn't spread it around, but I am happy to clarify what I'm trying to get at. To clear up in advance a few points that are vague, the "people passing by" are meant to be plural, and the speaker -- who is a ghost -- knows that they will someday die (not that she will, since she already has).

Thanks in advance!