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Thread: I am a black hole wilder beast for you.

  1. #1
    Senior Member Annie Hall has a reputation beyond repute Annie Hall has a reputation beyond repute Annie Hall has a reputation beyond repute Annie Hall has a reputation beyond repute Annie Hall has a reputation beyond repute Annie Hall has a reputation beyond repute Annie Hall has a reputation beyond repute Annie Hall has a reputation beyond repute Annie Hall has a reputation beyond repute Annie Hall has a reputation beyond repute Annie Hall has a reputation beyond repute Annie Hall's Avatar
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    Default I am a black hole wilder beast for you.

    Your eyes, are like fire, and they burn me.

    I look into them, deeply because I love you, can't you see?

    And that hurts me more than anything, it's true

    that loving you

    is worse than the worst weather

    I know that we are not meant to be together

    You always said so

    that's how I know

    But, I really can change

    like a caterpillar into a butterfly, I can change.

    My love for you is like a black hole

    growing larger with the more that it consumes, becoming whole

    Soon I will consume you

    into my heart, like a ravenous wilder beast

    Then my pain will be gone

    as we lay together on your lawn
    Last edited by OminousCloud; 12-09-2010 at 12:40 AM. Reason: removed colours



  2. #2
    BOW BEFORE YOUR CHAT OVERLORD! Naughty Dog has a reputation beyond repute Naughty Dog has a reputation beyond repute Naughty Dog has a reputation beyond repute Naughty Dog has a reputation beyond repute Naughty Dog has a reputation beyond repute Naughty Dog has a reputation beyond repute Naughty Dog has a reputation beyond repute Naughty Dog has a reputation beyond repute Naughty Dog has a reputation beyond repute Naughty Dog has a reputation beyond repute Naughty Dog has a reputation beyond repute Naughty Dog's Avatar
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    Default Re: I am a black hole wilder beast for you.

    Oh. My. GOD. You have absolutly MOVED me. This is the best thing I have ever read *sniffle* My life is complete! Thank you!
    Last edited by Naughty Dog; 11-29-2010 at 03:59 AM. Reason: forgot an asterisk

  3. #3
    Senior Member Annie Hall has a reputation beyond repute Annie Hall has a reputation beyond repute Annie Hall has a reputation beyond repute Annie Hall has a reputation beyond repute Annie Hall has a reputation beyond repute Annie Hall has a reputation beyond repute Annie Hall has a reputation beyond repute Annie Hall has a reputation beyond repute Annie Hall has a reputation beyond repute Annie Hall has a reputation beyond repute Annie Hall has a reputation beyond repute Annie Hall's Avatar
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    Default Re: I am a black hole wilder beast for you.

    OMG THANKS!!! Seriously I worked soooo hard on this! I think it turned out perfect!!!
    If you noticed the black hole is a metaphor for my broken heart ;-;
    This poem means sooooo much to me, I'm so glad I could share it with you guyssss.

    Also, the part about the butterfly, I reallllyy feel that way, yano? It's like I've already metamorphasized into a beautiful creature ready to break out of my shell and like...do stuff yano?
    Last edited by OminousCloud; 12-09-2010 at 12:41 AM.



  4. #4
    BOW BEFORE YOUR CHAT OVERLORD! Naughty Dog has a reputation beyond repute Naughty Dog has a reputation beyond repute Naughty Dog has a reputation beyond repute Naughty Dog has a reputation beyond repute Naughty Dog has a reputation beyond repute Naughty Dog has a reputation beyond repute Naughty Dog has a reputation beyond repute Naughty Dog has a reputation beyond repute Naughty Dog has a reputation beyond repute Naughty Dog has a reputation beyond repute Naughty Dog has a reputation beyond repute Naughty Dog's Avatar
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    Default Re: I am a black hole wilder beast for you.

    Oh goodness, that just hit me! You are an amazing writer!

    YOU ARE GOD!

  5. #5
    Senior Member Annie Hall has a reputation beyond repute Annie Hall has a reputation beyond repute Annie Hall has a reputation beyond repute Annie Hall has a reputation beyond repute Annie Hall has a reputation beyond repute Annie Hall has a reputation beyond repute Annie Hall has a reputation beyond repute Annie Hall has a reputation beyond repute Annie Hall has a reputation beyond repute Annie Hall has a reputation beyond repute Annie Hall has a reputation beyond repute Annie Hall's Avatar
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    Default Re: I am a black hole wilder beast for you.

    It just comes to me!!! Like I can be sitting around just thinking, I do that alll the time yano? and uh yeah thoughts just flow through me...it's almost like I'm just a vessel for some greater good that has a message to be told.
    Last edited by OminousCloud; 12-09-2010 at 12:42 AM.



  6. #6
    Thunderbringer! RaShayRitto has a reputation beyond repute RaShayRitto has a reputation beyond repute RaShayRitto has a reputation beyond repute RaShayRitto has a reputation beyond repute RaShayRitto has a reputation beyond repute RaShayRitto has a reputation beyond repute RaShayRitto has a reputation beyond repute RaShayRitto has a reputation beyond repute RaShayRitto has a reputation beyond repute RaShayRitto has a reputation beyond repute RaShayRitto has a reputation beyond repute RaShayRitto's Avatar
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    Default Re: I am a black hole wilder beast for you.

    i liked the reference to the eyes like fire. I interpreted that as the speaker feeling pangs of guilt from the other's gaze

    well portrayed

    needs more boobs though, just saying =]
    Thanks to Wolley for the sexay siggeh! Good work, Wollz!
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  7. #7
    Senior Member Annie Hall has a reputation beyond repute Annie Hall has a reputation beyond repute Annie Hall has a reputation beyond repute Annie Hall has a reputation beyond repute Annie Hall has a reputation beyond repute Annie Hall has a reputation beyond repute Annie Hall has a reputation beyond repute Annie Hall has a reputation beyond repute Annie Hall has a reputation beyond repute Annie Hall has a reputation beyond repute Annie Hall has a reputation beyond repute Annie Hall's Avatar
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    Default Re: I am a black hole wilder beast for you.

    Oh man, I'm so happy you noticed that Rayshay, it was so subtle I was worried no one would.
    Sometimes it's so hard to really limit everything I'm thinking and feeling into the limitations of a poem, but like I said, I'm simply the vessel through which some beautiful divine message is being portrayed.
    Last edited by OminousCloud; 12-09-2010 at 12:34 AM. Reason: removed colours



  8. #8
    Senior Member Anime-Prince has a reputation beyond repute Anime-Prince has a reputation beyond repute Anime-Prince has a reputation beyond repute Anime-Prince has a reputation beyond repute Anime-Prince has a reputation beyond repute Anime-Prince has a reputation beyond repute Anime-Prince has a reputation beyond repute Anime-Prince has a reputation beyond repute Anime-Prince has a reputation beyond repute Anime-Prince has a reputation beyond repute Anime-Prince has a reputation beyond repute Anime-Prince's Avatar
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    Default Re: I am a black hole wilder beast for you.

    I liked that poem.
    Fascinated by the rain, influenced by the wind. Adventure for fun.

  9. #9
    Senior Member Annie Hall has a reputation beyond repute Annie Hall has a reputation beyond repute Annie Hall has a reputation beyond repute Annie Hall has a reputation beyond repute Annie Hall has a reputation beyond repute Annie Hall has a reputation beyond repute Annie Hall has a reputation beyond repute Annie Hall has a reputation beyond repute Annie Hall has a reputation beyond repute Annie Hall has a reputation beyond repute Annie Hall has a reputation beyond repute Annie Hall's Avatar
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    Default Re: I am a black hole wilder beast for you.

    Did you really??
    Last edited by OminousCloud; 12-09-2010 at 12:43 AM.



  10. #10
    Senior Member Anime-Prince has a reputation beyond repute Anime-Prince has a reputation beyond repute Anime-Prince has a reputation beyond repute Anime-Prince has a reputation beyond repute Anime-Prince has a reputation beyond repute Anime-Prince has a reputation beyond repute Anime-Prince has a reputation beyond repute Anime-Prince has a reputation beyond repute Anime-Prince has a reputation beyond repute Anime-Prince has a reputation beyond repute Anime-Prince has a reputation beyond repute Anime-Prince's Avatar
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    Default Re: I am a black hole wilder beast for you.

    Yeah I did. Your caterpillar metaphor was well placed. The poem wasn't written in a traditional way, it was very personalised. Almost like reading thoughts that were just being created. It gave the words a fresh basis, and allowed the reader to easily follow the story. It seems as though the person you're writing about is an anti hero. Yet, towards the end the roles become reversed. And that also shows the growth that has taken place. It's like the narrator turned inwards, and was consumed by the black hole, inside themselves, in the end. It was a good read..
    Last edited by Anime-Prince; 12-01-2010 at 09:39 AM.
    Fascinated by the rain, influenced by the wind. Adventure for fun.

  11. #11
    Senior Member Annie Hall has a reputation beyond repute Annie Hall has a reputation beyond repute Annie Hall has a reputation beyond repute Annie Hall has a reputation beyond repute Annie Hall has a reputation beyond repute Annie Hall has a reputation beyond repute Annie Hall has a reputation beyond repute Annie Hall has a reputation beyond repute Annie Hall has a reputation beyond repute Annie Hall has a reputation beyond repute Annie Hall has a reputation beyond repute Annie Hall's Avatar
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    Default Re: I am a black hole wilder beast for you.

    Wow thank you very very much, I'm glad someone understood my poem so well
    Last edited by OminousCloud; 12-09-2010 at 12:43 AM.



  12. #12
    Senior Member Anime-Prince has a reputation beyond repute Anime-Prince has a reputation beyond repute Anime-Prince has a reputation beyond repute Anime-Prince has a reputation beyond repute Anime-Prince has a reputation beyond repute Anime-Prince has a reputation beyond repute Anime-Prince has a reputation beyond repute Anime-Prince has a reputation beyond repute Anime-Prince has a reputation beyond repute Anime-Prince has a reputation beyond repute Anime-Prince has a reputation beyond repute Anime-Prince's Avatar
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    Default Re: I am a black hole wilder beast for you.

    I might have gotten most of it wrong, but that's the beauty of poetry I guess.

    What inspired you?
    Fascinated by the rain, influenced by the wind. Adventure for fun.

  13. #13
    Senior Member Annie Hall has a reputation beyond repute Annie Hall has a reputation beyond repute Annie Hall has a reputation beyond repute Annie Hall has a reputation beyond repute Annie Hall has a reputation beyond repute Annie Hall has a reputation beyond repute Annie Hall has a reputation beyond repute Annie Hall has a reputation beyond repute Annie Hall has a reputation beyond repute Annie Hall has a reputation beyond repute Annie Hall has a reputation beyond repute Annie Hall's Avatar
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    Default Re: I am a black hole wilder beast for you.

    An AF-user named nightwlf! as well as my melancholy nature.

    and nooo you were pretty much dead on!
    Last edited by OminousCloud; 12-09-2010 at 12:44 AM.



  14. #14
    Senior Member Anime-Prince has a reputation beyond repute Anime-Prince has a reputation beyond repute Anime-Prince has a reputation beyond repute Anime-Prince has a reputation beyond repute Anime-Prince has a reputation beyond repute Anime-Prince has a reputation beyond repute Anime-Prince has a reputation beyond repute Anime-Prince has a reputation beyond repute Anime-Prince has a reputation beyond repute Anime-Prince has a reputation beyond repute Anime-Prince has a reputation beyond repute Anime-Prince's Avatar
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    Default Re: I am a black hole wilder beast for you.

    Fair enough.

    Fascinated by the rain, influenced by the wind. Adventure for fun.

  15. #15
    Thunderbringer! RaShayRitto has a reputation beyond repute RaShayRitto has a reputation beyond repute RaShayRitto has a reputation beyond repute RaShayRitto has a reputation beyond repute RaShayRitto has a reputation beyond repute RaShayRitto has a reputation beyond repute RaShayRitto has a reputation beyond repute RaShayRitto has a reputation beyond repute RaShayRitto has a reputation beyond repute RaShayRitto has a reputation beyond repute RaShayRitto has a reputation beyond repute RaShayRitto's Avatar
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    Default Re: I am a black hole wilder beast for you.

    i liked how you conveyed your unorthodox position on the global situation of hustle and bustle. You admit your leanings toward bustle, but also openly sympathize with bustle--which leads the reader to believe you are actually showing the futility of the debate due to the mass concentration of the media conglomerate.

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    Default Re: I am a black hole wilder beast for you.

    I like how it transitions from hopelessness to a hopeful situation. What I mean by that is, first its like both narrator and the person they love aren't compatible at all, hence the phrase "I know that we are not meant to be together".

    Then the second half of the poem sees the light and grasps that chance that it could happen through chance, how the individual can change for the other person, hence the metamorphosis reference.

    Just take into a account that the other person can also change as well.
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  17. #17
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    Default Re: I am a black hole wilder beast for you.

    i'm shocked no one mentioned her reference to Charles Manson
    Thanks to Wolley for the sexay siggeh! Good work, Wollz!
    On a mountain top
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  18. #18
    Senior Member Annie Hall has a reputation beyond repute Annie Hall has a reputation beyond repute Annie Hall has a reputation beyond repute Annie Hall has a reputation beyond repute Annie Hall has a reputation beyond repute Annie Hall has a reputation beyond repute Annie Hall has a reputation beyond repute Annie Hall has a reputation beyond repute Annie Hall has a reputation beyond repute Annie Hall has a reputation beyond repute Annie Hall has a reputation beyond repute Annie Hall's Avatar
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    Default Re: I am a black hole wilder beast for you.

    It makes me so happy to know that my poem has touched people!
    Last edited by OminousCloud; 12-09-2010 at 12:44 AM.



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    Default Re: I am a black hole wilder beast for you.


  20. #20
    Heart Cold As Ice ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR's Avatar
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    Default Re: I am a black hole wilder beast for you.

    I wish not be mean by saying such words but it felt more like an assault of a lust towards a person, willingly wanting them, and in the end having them bend to it, almost as if dreaming it to be true. I don't feel the feelings I thought might be there, it is more like just reading the news paper, but you did well, keep writing, friend.
    Last edited by ELR; 02-01-2011 at 12:23 AM. Reason: fixing a misspell is all
    I am no more a rose than I am its thorns.
    No more a gentle breeze than I am the hailing storm.
    I am no more hated than I am loved.
    And I am no more heartfilled than I am heartless.
    This is who I am.
    ~ELR

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