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  1. #1
    Senior Member Movie Dave has a reputation beyond repute Movie Dave has a reputation beyond repute Movie Dave has a reputation beyond repute Movie Dave has a reputation beyond repute Movie Dave has a reputation beyond repute Movie Dave has a reputation beyond repute Movie Dave has a reputation beyond repute Movie Dave has a reputation beyond repute Movie Dave has a reputation beyond repute Movie Dave has a reputation beyond repute Movie Dave has a reputation beyond repute Movie Dave's Avatar
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    Default You

    NOTE: his is sort of the way i see the after life. though i didn't hesitate to add a bit of my imagination here.
    -BB

    You were on your way home when you died.

    It was a car accident. Nothing particularly remarkable, but fatal nonetheless. You left behind a wife and two

    children. It was a painless death. The EMTs tried their best to save you, but to no avail. Your body was so

    utterly shattered you were better off, trust me.

    And that’s when you met me.

    “What… what happened?” You asked. “Where am I?”

    “You died,” I said, matter-of-factly. No point in mincing words.

    “There was a… a truck and it was skidding…”

    “Yup,” I said.

    “I… I died?”

    “Yup. But don’t feel bad about it. Everyone dies,” I said.

    You looked around. There was nothingness. Just you and me. “What is this place?” You asked. “Is this the

    afterlife?”

    “More or less,” I said.

    “Are you god?” You asked.

    “Yup,” I replied. “I’m God.”

    “My kids… my wife,” you said.

    “What about them?”

    “Will they be all right?”

    “That’s what I like to see,” I said. “You just died and your main concern is for your family. That’s good stuff

    right there.”

    You looked at me with fascination. To you, I didn’t look like God. I just looked like some man. Or possibly a

    woman. Some vague authority figure, maybe. More of a grammar school teacher than the almighty.

    “Don’t worry,” I said. “They’ll be fine. Your kids will remember you as perfect in every way. They didn’t have

    time to grow contempt for you. Your wife will cry on the outside, but will be secretly relieved. To be fair, your

    marriage was falling apart. If it’s any consolation, she’ll feel very guilty for feeling relieved.”

    “Oh,” you said. “So what happens now? Do I go to heaven or hell or something?”

    “Neither,” I said. “You’ll be reincarnated.”

    “Ah,” you said. “So the Hindus were right,”

    “All religions are right in their own way,” I said. “Walk with me.”

    You followed along as we strode through the void. “Where are we going?”

    “Nowhere in particular,” I said. “It’s just nice to walk while we talk.”

    “So what’s the point, then?” You asked. “When I get reborn, I’ll just be a blank slate, right? A baby. So all my

    experiences and everything I did in this life won’t matter.”

    “Not so!” I said. “You have within you all the knowledge and experiences of all your past lives. You just don’t

    remember them right now.”

    I stopped walking and took you by the shoulders. “Your soul is more magnificent, beautiful, and gigantic than

    you can possibly imagine. A human mind can only contain a tiny fraction of what you are. It’s like sticking your

    finger in a glass of water to see if it’s hot or cold. You put a tiny part of yourself into the vessel, and when you

    bring it back out, you’ve gained all the experiences it had.

    “You’ve been in a human for the last 48 years, so you haven’t stretched out yet and felt the rest of your

    immense consciousness. If we hung out here for long enough, you’d start remembering everything. But there’s

    no point to doing that between each life.”

    “How many times have I been reincarnated, then?”

    “Oh lots. Lots and lots. An in to lots of different lives.” I said. “This time around, you’ll be a Chinese peasant girl

    in 540 AD.”

    “Wait, what?” You stammered. “You’re sending me back in time?”

    “Well, I guess technically. Time, as you know it, only exists in your universe. Things are different where I come

    from.”

    “Where you come from?” You said.

    “Oh sure,” I explained “I come from somewhere. Somewhere else. And there are others like me. I know you’ll

    want to know what it’s like there, but honestly you wouldn’t understand.”

    “Oh,” you said, a little let down. “But wait. If I get reincarnated to other places in time, I could have interacted

    with myself at some point.”

    “Sure. Happens all the time. And with both lives only aware of their own lifespan you don’t even know it’s

    happening.”

    “So what’s the point of it all?”

    “Seriously?” I asked. “Seriously? You’re asking me for the meaning of life? Isn’t that a little stereotypical?”

    “Well it’s a reasonable question,” you persisted.

    I looked you in the eye. “The meaning of life, the reason I made this whole universe, is for you to mature.”

    “You mean mankind? You want us to mature?”

    “No, just you. I made this whole universe for you. With each new life you grow and mature and become a

    larger and greater intellect.”

    “Just me? What about everyone else?”

    “There is no one else,” I said. “In this universe, there’s just you and me.”

    You stared blankly at me. “But all the people on earth…”

    “All you. Different incarnations of you.”

    “Wait. I’m everyone!?”

    “Now you’re getting it,” I said, with a congratulatory slap on the back.

    “I’m every human being who ever lived?”

    “Or who will ever live, yes.”

    “I’m Abraham Lincoln?”

    “And you’re John Wilkes Booth, too,” I added.

    “I’m Hitler?” You said, appalled.

    “And you’re the millions he killed.”

    “I’m Jesus?”

    “And you’re everyone who followed him.”

    You fell silent.

    “Every time you victimized someone,” I said, “you were victimizing yourself. Every act of kindness you’ve done,

    you’ve done to yourself. Every happy and sad moment ever experienced by any human was, or will be,

    experienced by you.”

    You thought for a long time.

    “Why?” You asked me. “Why do all this?”

    “Because someday, you will become like me. Because that’s what you are. You’re one of my kind. You’re my

    child.”

    “Whoa,” you said, incredulous. “You mean I’m a god?”

    “No. Not yet. You’re a fetus. You’re still growing. Once you’ve lived every human life throughout all time, you

    will have grown enough to be born.”

    “So the whole universe,” you said, “it’s just…”

    “An egg.” I answered. “Now it’s time for you to move on to your next life.”

    And I sent you on your way.




    "Tell her that I miss our little talks."




     

  2. #2
    Member Dave-kun is a jewel in the rough Dave-kun is a jewel in the rough Dave-kun is a jewel in the rough Dave-kun's Avatar
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    Default Re: Original Fiction: You

    O.O woah. Dude this sounds like your probing all religions wrong and making you own DX.....Very creative
    Last edited by Dave-kun; 11-26-2010 at 05:19 PM.

  3. #3
    Senior Member Desulishor has a reputation beyond repute Desulishor has a reputation beyond repute Desulishor has a reputation beyond repute Desulishor has a reputation beyond repute Desulishor has a reputation beyond repute Desulishor has a reputation beyond repute Desulishor has a reputation beyond repute Desulishor has a reputation beyond repute Desulishor has a reputation beyond repute Desulishor has a reputation beyond repute Desulishor has a reputation beyond repute Desulishor's Avatar
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    Default Re: Original Fiction: You

    phew... While the reincarnation thingy was cliched, as was the neutral attitude towards religions, the twist at the end is quite confusing. It reminds of philosophy lessons back in high school. Technically it's possible that the whole world is just a neverending dream with no1 else inside, kinda like here. However, that is a very bleak, perhaps a bit self-centric way of seeing this world. But this is just me arguing about taste matters.

    If I were to offer critics to this as a literary work, i'd have to say there's no big faults in the writing itself. ( not so with the content) The dialogue-based storytelling serves it's purpose since the piece is a short one.
    We are Pop Candy, very happy! ^--^

  4. #4
    Senior Member Movie Dave has a reputation beyond repute Movie Dave has a reputation beyond repute Movie Dave has a reputation beyond repute Movie Dave has a reputation beyond repute Movie Dave has a reputation beyond repute Movie Dave has a reputation beyond repute Movie Dave has a reputation beyond repute Movie Dave has a reputation beyond repute Movie Dave has a reputation beyond repute Movie Dave has a reputation beyond repute Movie Dave has a reputation beyond repute Movie Dave's Avatar
    Gil
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    Default Re: Original Fiction: You

    thanks for your comments....and uh no. iam not making a religion o.o




    "Tell her that I miss our little talks."




     

  5. #5
    May precipitate OminousCloud has a reputation beyond repute OminousCloud has a reputation beyond repute OminousCloud has a reputation beyond repute OminousCloud has a reputation beyond repute OminousCloud has a reputation beyond repute OminousCloud has a reputation beyond repute OminousCloud has a reputation beyond repute OminousCloud has a reputation beyond repute OminousCloud has a reputation beyond repute OminousCloud has a reputation beyond repute OminousCloud has a reputation beyond repute OminousCloud's Avatar
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    Default Re: Original Fiction: You

    There are various faults with the content and execution of the ideas in your work. Why say he's been reincarnated lots and lots of times when you're later going to tell him he is everyone? Why not incorporate a much more cryptic response, something that will allude to him being everyone. The whole section about interacting with himself is also out of place, because he's interacting with himself all the time. The idea of time is also contradictory, to the being everyone statement. If he is everyone, then why the need to send him to 540 AD? 540 AD has already happened, he has already lived that life, why would he be living it again?

    You're writing from the viewpoint of the God. Reincarnation would have happened billions of times up to the point of this nameless 48 year old man. How many times has this conversation occurred? Should it even be taking place while other versions of him are dying? I'm not convinced that a dialogue between the God and the man would have been the best way to get your message out there. It seems like a monologue from the God may have been a more suitable option. You could have portrayed his thoughts and feelings on how His egg is maturing so far, or something like that.

    There are some very interesting concepts in this work but you give little to no explanation of how or why such a thing would make sense, making it difficult to even entertain the thought that such a premise could exist.


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