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Thread: Vocaloid (GUMI) - Eraser

  1. #1
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    Default Vocaloid (GUMI) - Eraser

    I'm not really sure I understand this song -- I thought I did when I started translating it, but now I'm just confused. So I should probably have given up, but oh well.

    I want to delete for the all
    笑えないこの自分なら
    I want to delete for the world
    泣きながら歩けばいい

    I want to delete for the all
    waraenai kono jibun nara
    I want to delete for the world
    nakinagara arukeba ii

    I want to delete for the all
    Since I can't smile
    I want to delete for the world
    I suppose I'll just walk while crying

    La, la, la……

    落とされた
    虚無と孤独のなか目覚め
    吸い慣れない空気の粒を飲み込む

    otosareta
    kyomu to kodoku no naka mezame
    suinarenai kuuki no tsubu o nomikomu

    Plunged
    Into nothingness and loneliness, I awaken
    I swallow the grains of air that I'm not used to breathing

    落ちてゆく
    最後の希望にすがりついた
    ただ報われたくて
    Sleeping, like a deadly Dawn

    ochite yuku
    saigo no kibou ni sugaritsuita
    tada mukuwaretakute
    Sleeping, like a deadly Dawn

    Falling
    I clung to my last hope
    Only wanting something to show for it
    Sleeping, like a deadly Dawn

    強がりさえも当てにならないならば
    掻き切るように
    振り払って
    消・す・よ

    tsuyogari sae mo ate ni naranai naraba
    kakikiru you ni
    furiharatte
    ke - su - yo

    If I can't even rely on bravado
    I'll make a clean cut
    I'll brush it off
    And erase it

    今すぐ
    I want to delete for the all
    笑えないこの自分と
    I want to delete for the world
    襲うつむじ風抜け

    ima sugu
    I want to delete for the all
    waraenai kono jibun to
    I want to delete for the world
    osou tsumuji kaze nuke

    Now
    I want to delete for the all
    Along with my unsmiling self
    I want to delete for the world
    As a sudden whirlwind blows through

    真っ黒なノートに描(えが)いた
    マクロな感情で
    そう 真っ白な昨日の幻想
    壊せ Eraser

    makkuro na NOOTO ni egaita
    MAKURO na kanjou de
    sou masshiro na kinou no gensou
    kowase Eraser

    Pure white illusions of yesterday
    Painted with my deep feelings in a
    Pitch-black notebook:
    Shatter them, eraser!

    La, la, la……

    目を閉じて
    誰かを騙す言葉を吐く
    ちっぽけな正義だけが生きる意味なの?

    me o tojite
    dareka o damasu kotoba o haku
    chippoke na seigi dake ga ikiru imi na no?

    I close my eyes
    And spit out words to deceive people
    Is this foolish justice the meaning of life?

    目を開けて
    尖る茨の道歩けば
    何かが見えるでしょ?
    Freezing, like a deadly Dawn

    me o akete
    togaru ibara no michi arukeba
    nanika ga mieru desho?
    Freezing, like a deadly Dawn

    If I open my eyes
    And walk the path of sharp thorns
    What will I see?
    Freezing, like a deadly Dawn

    後悔さえ出来ない日々過ごすなら
    遮るように
    虹放って
    消・す・よ

    koukai sae dekinai hibi sugosu nara
    saegiru you ni
    niji hanatte
    ke - su - yo

    If I'm living my life without even being able to regret
    Then to block it out
    I'll set loose a rainbow
    And erase it

    今すぐ
    I want to delete for the all
    悲しみに流されて bye bye
    I want to delete for the world
    逃げることを恥じないで

    ima sugu
    I want to delete for the all
    kanashimi ni nagasarete bye bye
    I want to delete for the world
    nigeru koto o hajinaide

    Now
    I want to delete for the all
    While washed away by sadness, bye bye
    I want to delete for the world
    Without being ashamed of running away

    真っ青な空を突き刺す
    まっすぐな衝動で
    そう 待っている明日(あした)のJigsaw
    作れ Eraser

    massao na sora o tsukisasu
    massugu na shoudou de
    sou matte iru ashita no Jigsaw
    tsukure Eraser

    With an impetus so straight and true
    I pierce through the clear blue sky
    Yes, tomorrow is a jigsaw that is waiting for me
    Create it for me, eraser!

    Dawn, So long, Work Days
    見えた灯台の火は遙か遠く
    その色は過去も何も洗い流すから
    Dawn, So long, Hard Days
    まばゆく強く 迷う魂を導いてくれる
    灯火は
    消・さ・な・い・で

    Dawn, So long, Work Days
    mieta toudai no hi wa haruka tooku
    sono iro wa kako mo nani mo arainagasu kara
    Dawn, So long, Hard Days
    mabayuku tsuyoku mayou tamashii o michibiite kureru
    tomoshibi wa
    ke - sa - na - i - de

    Dawn, so long, work days
    The fire of the lighthouse burns in the far distance
    Its color washes away my past and everything else
    Dawn, so long, hard days
    My guiding light
    Whose brilliance leads my lost soul onwards
    Do not fade away!

    そうさいますぐ

    sou sa ima sugu

    Yes, right now

    I want to delete for the all
    笑いたくて泣くキミと
    I want to delete for the world
    褒める勇気を握って

    I want to delete for the all
    waraitakute naku KIMI to
    I want to delete for the world
    homeru yuuki o nigitte

    I want to delete for the all
    Along with you who cry while wanting to smile
    I want to delete for the world
    With the courage to praise held tightly in my hand

    真夜中不安を睨み
    まっすぐで障害もない
    真っ白な僕らの道を
    駆けろ Eraser

    mayonaka fuan o nirami
    massugu de shougai mo nai
    masshiro na bokura no michi o
    kakero Eraser

    At midnight, on our pure white path
    Straight ahead with no obstacles
    While staring at the uncertainty
    Dash, eraser!

    I want to delete for the all
    I want to delete for livin' People
    I want to delete for the world

    La, la, la……
    Last edited by bluepenguin; 11-07-2010 at 07:57 AM.

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Vocaloid (GUMI) - Eraser

    I want to delete for the all
    笑えないこの自分なら
    I want to delete for the world
    泣きながら歩けばいい
    >I want to delete for the all
    >Since I can't smile
    >I want to delete for the world
    >I'll have to walk while crying

    I can't put my finger on it but it looks to be off. The crying isn't forced (she can pick another emotion to go with) and the emphasis of the last line is lost. Although I'm never comfortable with translating '-ba ii' due to its complexity (how it can take "rather" or "is best" and many more...)

    ただ報われたくて
    I just wanted some repayment
    Sounds too moneyish, try
    Waiting for something to show for it


    真っ青な空を突き刺す
    まっすぐな衝動で
    そう 待っている明日(あした)のJigsaw
    作れ Eraser
    >Puzzle of the tomorrow I've been waiting for
    >Piercing through the blue sky with a
    >Purely straight arrow:
    >Make it, eraser!

    Uhh... There's all sorts of things here, I dunno but I see it as
    With an impetus so straight and true
    I pierce the blue sky
    Yes, for tomorrow is a jigsaw that is waiting for me
    Create it for me, my eraser!


    見えた灯台の火は遙か遠く
    その色は過去も何も洗い流すから
    >The far distant fire of the lighthouse I saw
    >Washes away the past and everything else

    Argg, you took away the impact of the line! You can put that 'kara' somewhere else too.
    The fire of the lighthouse burns faraway from my view
    Its color washes away my past and everything else


    まばゆく強く 迷う魂を導いてくれる
    灯火は
    消・さ・な・い・で
    >So this light
    >That strongly, brilliantly leads my wandering soul onward...
    >Don't erase it!

    No, no one's gonna disturb the light because it's so far away...
    Leading my lost soul with its gleaming brilliance
    Please, my guiding light
    Do. Not. Fade. Away.
    <- ooh same 5 syllables!

    ...I give up with the last stanza though, running out of battery anyway.
    Last edited by AzureDark; 10-31-2010 at 03:54 PM.

    祝! 『禁断の病棟』 アニメ化!

  3. #3
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    Default Re: Vocaloid (GUMI) - Eraser

    A few more things:


    今すぐ
    I want to delete for the all
    笑えないこの自分と
    I want to delete for the world
    襲うつむじ風抜け
    Now
    I want to delete for the all
    I, who can't smile
    I want to delete for the world
    Am blown about by whirlwinds
    Right now,
    I want to delete for the all,
    together with myself, who am unable to smile.
    I want to delete for the world,
    as a sudden whirlwind blasts through.



    今すぐ
    I want to delete for the all
    悲しみに流されて bye bye
    I want to delete for the world
    逃げることを恥じないで
    Now
    I want to delete for the all
    Washed away by sadness, bye bye
    I want to delete for the world
    There's no shame in running away
    Right now
    I want to delete for the all,
    while being washed away by sadness, bye bye.
    I want to delete for the world,
    without being ashamed of running away.


    I want to delete for the all
    笑いたくて泣くキミと
    I want to delete for the world
    褒める勇気を握って
    I want to delete for the all
    You cry when you want to laugh
    I want to delete for the world
    I gather up my courage to praise you

    I want to delete for the all.
    Together with you, who end up in tears when wanting to smile...
    I want to delete for the world.
    ...we grip in our hands the courage to praise.
    I think the two Japanese lines are connected to each other, and NOT connected to the English lines. Although, it is possible to translate the first two lines as a group, and the last two lines as a group:
    I want to delete for the all,
    including you, who end up in tears when wanting to smile.
    I want to delete for the world,
    with the courage to praise gripped in my hand.

    And you get an extremely depressing and slumpy atmosphere, which is not exactly the sense I get from the skippy and happy-ish impression of the song. Either way, the main reason that your original translation wouldn't work is because "kimi to homeru" can never mean "praise you"...


    真夜中不安を睨み
    まっすぐで障害もない
    真っ白な僕らの道を
    駆けろ Eraser
    Path of pure white which we
    Pass along straight ahead with no obstacles,
    Peering at midnight uncertainty:
    Run down it, eraser!
    At midnight, on our pure while path,
    straight ahead and clear of obstacles,
    while staring at the uneasiness,
    dash, eraser!


    You're right, though. The lyrics seem simple enough, but once you have to put them together, a lot of the lines just don't seem to make as much sense anymore. Kinda reminded me of some K-On songs I did a couple of weeks ago. Good times, good time...NOT!

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    Default Re: Vocaloid (GUMI) - Eraser

    Thanks guys, I've fixed it up a bit. (I guess I'll have to give up on my dream of preserving the alliteration from the original; it's just not possible without sounding hideously stilted. Too bad.)

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