Online relationships - Do they work? Are they real?

[Genghis Beatrix]

With the dangers of online dating, one needs to consider if the relationship can actually be real or fake. There have been so many stories where people were raped and killed after being drawn to a person *cough*predator*cough*.

Discuss.
Is it worth it?
Do they actually work?
Are they real?

[brolyx74]

Is it worth it? I personally don't believe so. It's like a long distance relationship without the prior meeting in public. And long distance relationships don't work.
Do they actually work? Again, i don't believe so. They are like long distance relationship without the prior meeting in public. And long distance relationships don't work.
Are they real? I don't think so. Talking to someone online without real contact on a regular basis does not a real relationship make. They are not real. You can believe they are, I won't stop you, but to me, it's just a friendship where people talk more than normal.

[Meenah]

Is it worth it? I personally don't believe so. It's like a long distance relationship without the prior meeting in public. And long distance relationships don't work.
Do they actually work? Again, i don't believe so. They are like long distance relationship without the prior meeting in public. And long distance relationships don't work.
Are they real? I don't think so. Talking to someone online without real contact on a regular basis does not a real relationship make. They are not real. You can believe they are, I won't stop you, but to me, it's just a friendship where people talk more than normal.

Prove it.

My parents had been in a long distance relationship for 10 years after they got married. Guess what? They're still together. I think it worked quite fine. Was there problems? Duh. From how I see it they were smart enough to fix up the problem.

I've been in a long distance relationship and I've actually lasted longer than the ones who are closer to me. :I My one ex and I were in a long distance relationship when he moved out of state, we lasted about 4 years. The two people I dated who lived close, we lasted 4 months. I know that my ex of 4 years that I dated ended but it was quite long. My current boyfriend now, its 2 years but he's pretty close. Yup.

Perhaps I'm real lucky, aren't I?

[Gjallarhorn]

Is it worth it? I personally don't believe so. It's like a long distance relationship without the prior meeting in public. And long distance relationships don't work.

Long distance relationships work quite frequently; I cite two members from this site (Fabala and SGI) who met on this site, began dating online, met each other several times over the course of a few years, and have been happily married for several years.

They are like long distance relationship without the prior meeting in public.

Which is both an advantage and a fault. It allows you to get to know how someone thinks, and really getting to know their personality without any sort of physical bias getting in the way. Of course the disadvantage here is that, should the two people meet one another in real life, they may not be physically attracted to one another, which is certainly an important aspect in any functional relationship. But this is a fairly week disadvantage, because even over the internet the two individuals can see pictures of one another, talk on webcams, etc.

The real disadvantage is that people have habits and quirks that may not come across well over the internet, and such qualities could provide conflict in a relationship. It's similar to two long-time friends who begin living in a dorm or apartment together; often times it does work out because while you know their personality, you're not familiar with all their personal habits and quirks.

But it's also very possible to meet up in public after the relationship has started.

Are they real? I don't think so. Talking to someone online without real contact on a regular basis does not a real relationship make.

I don't quite see where you're getting this "logic" from. They are simply not in the physical presence of one another; physical presence is hardly an implicit part of being in a relationship.

Any good, mature online relationship will eventually progress offline and become a long-distance relationship; and if that works out for both individuals, it's very simple for them to visit one another; and if that works out well for both individuals, they could move in together.

You can believe they are, I won't stop you, but to me, it's just a friendship where people talk more than normal.

Then how would you define what constitutes a relationship?

[brolyx74]

Then how would you define what constitutes a relationship?

To me, the 2 people need to see each other on a regular basis, go out with each other on a regular basis, and talk to each other on a regular basis. And taking your laptop out with you so you can talk to the person on your "date" doesn't count as going out with them. They can work for some people, but really, to me, since they're not real relationships, success at a fake relationship isn't much of an accomplishment. But that's just me.

[blueangel06661]

1. First and foremost to make any long distance work [online or not] it requires tremendous patience and trust. You'll have to go long periods of time without seeing each other. Maybe only once or twice a year. If you start getting to hasty you'll screw things up. Then you'll have to trust the person. If you're one of those people that likes to have their significant other on a leash then this type of relationship is not for you. If you start accusing them of sleeping with someone else every time they go to the grocery store then it's totally never going to work.

2. The only way I consider online dating to be successful is if in the end the two actually meet. Otherwise it's what? Just a RPG of feelings? Yeah.... Despite what most say not everyone on the interwebs in a predator.. You just have to know how and where to look. For instance I met my current best friend ever online by random chance. We happened to be attending the same anime con.. Met up and immediately clicked and have been visiting each other when we can. She's seriously more greater than any friend I could've found here.

The advantage to dating online or talking online is that like stated before... You get to actually know the personality first and appearance later. Unfortunately most of us have a hard time meeting people because we have this personal space bubble and even if we see someone we'd like to approach a majority of the time we don't and thus chance is lost. But online you can break through that shy and uncomfortable barrier easily.

------
This is really a hard subject because I've seen online dating fail for my two best friends when one moved. It lasted for half a year.

But yet I've seen it work well for others and that's how I make a majority of my friends [Who I do actually meet btw. And they are all wonderful people] But yeah. It really just depends case by case.

[Heinekenrana]

To me, the 2 people need to see each other on a regular basis, go out with each other on a regular basis, and talk to each other on a regular basis. And taking your laptop out with you so you can talk to the person on your "date" doesn't count as going out with them. They can work for some people, but really, to me, since they're not real relationships, success at a fake relationship isn't much of an accomplishment. But that's just me.

How is having ANY kind of relationship with someone a "fake" relationship regardless of the medium it's being had in? I have friends from this very forum who I consider just as important to me as the ones I see every day, without having sat down and had a proper face to face, simply because we talk all the time, have the same interests, have been through a lot together, etc. etc. I don't see how you can say "fake relationships" unless someone's made up another person who was never real to begin with, so we have to disagree there.

As for my thoughts on online relationships, I believe they can - and do - work, and my experience with them has been overall very positive. Are there some things about them I find to be bad points? Yes. Was it easier for someone like me to find someone through common interests rather than the meat market the dating scene in my area tends to be? God, yes. Are we happy? Well, I am. I don't know if he is, but since we're married, hopefully he's rather pleased with the situation. XD

[Light Buster]

I haven't used it yet so no, it doesn't work yet.

I have to use it to see if it works. Other people may come up to you and say it works but you need to do it yourself to see for yourself.

[~*Red*~]

I've been in three and the first two didn't work out, because the girls said they were going to turn to God and that just floored me. The third one said we should just be friends (which we are to this day). Online relationships didn't work out for me, but I think they might work if you have patience and so on.

[Bou]

I guess it really depends on the person. Though, for me.. I can't really say that they've worked out. Because, I never really took them seriously. But, if I were to find someone I actually cared about enough, then yes. I would make it work. Unless they lived like 1000000000000000000+ miles away or something. Then, there's only a slim chance we'll actually have a " real " relationship. All in all, yes.. I believe they are real, if you take is seriously.. And do they work? I have seen many online relationships that worked out in the end, so yeah. I believe they do.

[Tara//]

Its a maybe if online relationships could work. My mother and now step father met online and still happily married for 15 years. Just depends on where you meet the person and if you hear there voice or see them on camera. Trust is key and honesty. In my opinion. Really just 50/50 chance it will work or it wont.

[Marin]

To me, the 2 people need to see each other on a regular basis, go out with each other on a regular basis, and talk to each other on a regular basis. And taking your laptop out with you so you can talk to the person on your "date" doesn't count as going out with them. They can work for some people, but really, to me, since they're not real relationships, success at a fake relationship isn't much of an accomplishment. But that's just me.

I don't think you have have any right to decide what relationship is real and what is not. You sort of have absolutely no right to judge how other people do it. I'm sorry, but that's the way it is. You simply can't just try to demean someone else's relationship because it isn't done how you'd like it to be done. That's not only not logical, but it's also wrong.

I honestly don't see the controversy in this thread. Calling an online relationship fake is nothing but a childish insult and holds no more power than just that. Is it worth it? Depends on the person and the situation. Can they work? There are lasting online relationships so I'd have to say that's definitely a yes.

[Ramona Flowers]

Yoko: What about those relationships and marriages where their significant other is in the military, deployed every year, has to go to different places for a week or often longer for mere training? Making arrangements to see each other? Or those who work on oil rigs? etc etc? o_0 obviously going long periods of time without seeing each other and often having to make plans when to see each other again as so often we wont always sit in the place they left us

[Takumi Michio]

In my opinion, online relationships are just as real as personal relationships.
Although you don't have the cuddling, the kissing, etc. The feelings ARE real. Hopefully, one day, if you do have a relationship with someone, you could meet. BUT, that also depends. You must be careful, and be ONE HUNDRED PERCENT positive that the person you are "In Love With" isn't, like Genghis said, a predator. So it's a double sided blade.

[Skylar1]

You must be careful, and be ONE HUNDRED PERCENT positive that the person you are "In Love With" isn't, like Genghis said, a predator. So it's a double sided blade.

How can you be "100% certain"?

Somehow meeting someone in person excludes them form being a psychopath? You can never be completely sure of someone's intents, online or in person.


Anyways, moving on...

I don't see a problem with online dating. Why should someone limit their dating potential to only those that exist in their orbit? There's about 6 billion people on Earth. No where near that many when you compare the people you come into contact on a day to day basis. It's about probability of success, and when you're including 6 billion people, you increase odds for yourself exponentially.

Just because that person you're talking to is behind a computer screen, doesn't somehow make them "less of a person". .-.

[Armageddon]

Just because that person you're talking to is behind a computer screen, doesn't somehow make them "less of a person". .-.

You know, I couldn`t agree more with that.

Well done.

=]

[Takumi Michio]

How can you be "100% certain"?

Somehow meeting someone in person excludes them form being a psychopath? You can never be completely sure of someone's intents, online or in person.

I honestly don't know how you can be one hundred percent certain. But, if it's true love, you have to take a chance or a risk. If you truly believe, it'll hopefully be worth it in the end.

[kenny_killer]

I have read about people who have had sucessful relationships begining online.
One example is a photographer by the name of Sarah R. Bloom.

I have also met several people online who have said they had developed strong feelings for people online through texting, IMs, and social networks.

so based on personal experience, I would say yeah they can work. Although they can be legitimate relationships, it takes a particular kind of person for the relationship to evolve into anything meaningful.

[BoldMushroom]

I feel similarly about online and long-distance relationships as I do about casual relationships (and, for that matter, open relationships and polyamorous relationships). I've personally never seen it work, and I couldn't imagine myself being happy in a relationship like that - but, different strokes for different folks. If you think it'll work for you, go ahead and try it.

EDIT: Actually, that's not quite true. I do know one couple in a long-distance relationship, and they're one of the most devoted couples I know. And it did start online. So... yes! It does real! In at least one instance, anyway. Which, basically, affirms my original opinion. (And yes, they are an ACTUAL couple. It's not just avatars behind a computer screen. They only get to see each other in the flesh a handful of times a year, but they're still loyal.)

[brolyx74]

@Shengli Maybe you are lucky, but to be honest, a long distance relationship will not last forever. It can only last so long without actually being with the person. People need direct contact. ANd a long distance relationship after marriage will probably last longer because they're already married. But to be honest again, long distance relationship may last longer then regular relationships, because there is less opportunity to get into fights over actions. Yes, there are more fights about words, but more often, fights about actions are worse than those about words.
But this is a discussion is about online relationships. Lets try to keep it that way.

[Meenah]

@Shengli Maybe you are lucky, but to be honest, a long distance relationship will not last forever. It can only last so long without actually being with the person. People need direct contact. ANd a long distance relationship after marriage will probably last longer because they're already married. But to be honest again, long distance relationship may last longer then regular relationships, because there is less opportunity to get into fights over actions. Yes, there are more fights about words, but more often, fights about actions are worse than those about words.
But this is a discussion is about online relationships. Lets try to keep it that way.

In your first post, you mentioned about long distance relationship and they are the same as online relationship, except for one thing, you have not met the person face to face at all (yet). And I say yet because I bet theres some people that were in an online relationship and actually met. ;/

I think that no matter what kind it is, a relationship is a relationship. It works in the same way, you love each other and then, the unfortunate thing happen, you break up. Its for everything and to me its sounds like a "real relationship". And obviously for a relationship to work is the two people needs to maintain it. Yup.

[Anoleis]

Is it worth it?
Do they actually work?
Are they real?

It depends on the individuals involved. You can't properly answer any of these until the two participants have seen each other in person.

[wildsparky886]

After trying long distance relationships several times, including ones with girls I have met online, I have finally decided to stop it and not even try. There's no physical contact, you can't see their face all the time, and it hurts, especially when you get attached. You also can never tell whether they are telling the truth or not, or whether it's real. I had someone that pity dated me for a year before finally telling me I lived too far away, then go out with some guy in russia (she lives in texas, me in mass). After that I just gave up. Never again will I do an online relationship. Too much hurt involved.

My opinion? Don't. waste of time. Try for someone near you.

[Gero50]

Of course they're are real and so are the people involved. Just because, you only know someone only that dose not mean it is any less impotent then meeting them face to face.

[thcuteness]

True but meeting them face to face sure does help the relationship and keeps you from feeling like your dating your computer.