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Physical attraction -is- important to me. After all, when it gets down to it, you want to desire them, correct? it would be a lie to say otherwise.
It's just not more important than themselves. After all, if you're going to spend time with this person and invest emotionally in them, they can't suck as a person.
Then again, if all you are looking for is arm candy and/or a booty call/a status symbol, then yea, none of that matters. It's different for every person, but as for me, I want both, or the "full package", as it's considered.
Last edited by Miss Moonlight; 09-10-2010 at 05:28 PM.
Yea. I never understood the quote looks don't matter. Maybe they do, maybe they don't. Fact is I wouldn't want to date some smelly 600 pound female. Does that make me shallow? Oh well. Either way its how most people on AF are. If someone thinks looks don't matter then your lying to yourself.
This prince knows want he wants! It doesn't matter if the person is hot or not, it just matters if she has decent phsyical attraction.
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The way i see it , just being in a relationship means that you give the other party something they need (since they chose to get together with you). Whether it's sex , companionship , money or whatever. Caring or not doesn't change that. A normal human being wouldn't get into a relationship unless they benefit from it in some way . So on topic - do i think people should be labeled as shallow because they only consider their own needs?Nay. I don't think it's such a big deal nor do i I see anyone getting into relationships without gaining something.
Yeah they should contribute to their better half's happiness more than they do. They should care and make the other person as happy as they can but this ain't happening. Maybe you care a lot and try to make your girl friends as happy as possible but there's a million more different types of people who have different values and understanding of what's right and wrong.
Last edited by GrimStride™; 09-11-2010 at 05:58 AM. Reason: spelling mistakes.It's along post :D
Preferring good looking partners doesn't make you shallow (or a bad person or anything). It just makes you human.
If I don't find you attractive, I could be your friend, but no matter how much I enjoy your company, I'll never want to be anything more than that.
And trust me, there isn't a single person here who doesn't feel that way, it's just that some of them are hiding it for some reason.
How is breaking up with someone because of how they look any different from breaking up with someone because they have a bad sense of humor or bad personality?
Breaking up with someone because of how they look: you just don't like to look at them, or want someone who looks the way you want them to.
Breaking up with someone because their personality sucks: you simply can't stand to be around them, or find them annoying.
OK, but why would you stay in a relationship with someone you can't stand to look at. That's like saying you could just not listen to the person who's not funny.
It's not all about looks. It's about the persons actual personality. Which is the only thing that really matters in the long run.
" Embrace your dreams. If you want to be a hero, you need to have dreams. . . "
I'm sorry, but nobody would want to be in a relationship if you can't stand to look at the person. It's of equal importance as personality.
Well, I have never met a person that was unbearable to look at. . So. . xD
" Embrace your dreams. If you want to be a hero, you need to have dreams. . . "
Now, if they choose to get fat or stop bathing or something to subtract more points, it's their own fault.
The only debatable thing whether or not you'll leave them if they get disfigured somehow, in which case I would probably stay with a girl to help her through the tough times and then comes the big "let's be friends".
Am I shallow or a bastard or anything for that? No, I'm just human and I can't get turned on by a damn scarecrow, no matter how great person it is.
A lot of people choose to let themselves go out of laziness, while others fall into life's circumstances.
A good example is when someone gets a serious illness and their looks suffer, cause you know, um, their life is more important. Even at these times, leaving your partner because they have cancer (or are bedridden due to something else), have lost all of their hair, possibly lost too much weight and look gaunt-ish (or taking medications and in addition, not moving and piling on the pounds) and therefore, no longer look like the sparkling beauty they once were, makes you a craptastic person.
Then again, staying in that situation out of guilt (and not care) isn't good either, so. Also, I dislike the number rating system for people.
Sorry to be so through, but yea. Sometimes shallowness is part of immaturity.
Personally, I think the lack of physical attraction is usually one of the easiest things to overcome in a relationship. Generally it's issues of character than really ruin relationships. So if, when looking for a mate, you are willing to overlook appearances you'll increase your chances of finding a lasting relationship.
If you're not even looking for a lasting relationship, then you're right not to care. However it's considered shallow. I don't think this will change soon.
I think if you're extremely superficial you should go to hell. Like if a guy has a slight scar under his chin or if a girl has weird dimples. Now if you're flat out ugly and fat, you can't expect people to look through all of that to talk to you. I don't care how nice you are, if you smell bad and such, most people won't date you.
If I have to "diminish" my own ego and vanity just to talk to someone with excess bodyfat, i'll do it. If they smell horrible, obviously not. Bad scents are harder to deal with than simply a bad visual image. Maybe get a photoshop filter for your eyes?
Also, i'm sure most perceptive people realize, but
people who are fat = don't always smell
people who are fat = aren't always ugly (although that is a matter of simple perception)
people who are within your visual tolerance range aren't always necessarily the nicest (or even meanest) people
someone can be very put together physically and look great, but can also live in a craphole and have poor hygiene
talking to people who only make your eyes sparkle leaves too wide of a gap in which you might have met some otherwise pretty awesome people. (I say "might" because awesome people are pretty rare.)
I mean, it's all very relative. Looks are important for as long as they are sustainable. In my personal opinion, I find it a bit creepy when women in their 60's get cosmetic surgery to at least (try) to look like they are in their 30's. And women who lie about their age, what is that?
I guess it's their choice to look and feel as they please, but when i'm "old", i'm not going to pretend i'm younger.
I was just saying, if she was somehow disfigured so much that I no longer find her attractive, what do you expect me to do? Stay with her just so she can be happy, even though I'm not? I will be there as a friend if she wants me to, but if there's one thing I learned from my family's misfortunes, it's to never sacrifice my own happiness out of some idiotic sense of guilt or obligation. Look at it this way: she was a victim of circumstances. Why should I suffer indefinitely just so I can minimize her pain just a little bit more than I would as a friend? It's like I gave my entire damn house to some relatives who lost everything in a flood and became homeless instead of them.
isn't, it just isn't.
I'd never want someone to stay with me out of guilt. But, if they are a shell of their former selves and you find yourself lusting over the new hooter's barmaid/male stripper/both, you should at least come up with a believable and realistic excuse.
And, in my opinion, you should sacrifice your happiness as much as possible to balance it out with someone you potentially care for "oh, I can't go to school because dad's hospital bills are too expensive" ... etc. etc. But that's just me.
Happiness can always come back.
It's one thing to say you don't want to start dating someone because they're ugly. It's another thing to say that someone's looks are something which cannot be overcome. Looks are very easy to overcome when you become accustomed to them. If you haven't figured this out yet then I've got nothing.
significant weight gain for many people. Of course, this depends on a number of variables and other issues in addition to the medication/person so it varies, but the fact stands that there is more than one way to gain weight unnecessarily.
And really, if you had a wife and she was scarred from an accident, she would instantly become your "friend"? getting a divorce over such an issue seems outright ridiculous.
And I guess you can be supportive and stay with her because you desire to, which I imagine would be a lot cheaper than paying for surgery. Then again, if she wants the surgery (considering it would be her body), that's an altogether different issue.
But, telling her "you need this surgery because I can't stand to look at you" probably wouldn't work well in your favor.
Last edited by Miss Moonlight; 09-20-2010 at 01:38 AM.
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