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Thread: Crimson Coated.

  1. #1
    Artistic Muse Kirei Shijin has a reputation beyond repute Kirei Shijin has a reputation beyond repute Kirei Shijin has a reputation beyond repute Kirei Shijin has a reputation beyond repute Kirei Shijin has a reputation beyond repute Kirei Shijin has a reputation beyond repute Kirei Shijin has a reputation beyond repute Kirei Shijin has a reputation beyond repute Kirei Shijin has a reputation beyond repute Kirei Shijin has a reputation beyond repute Kirei Shijin has a reputation beyond repute Kirei Shijin's Avatar
    Gil
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    Default Crimson Coated.

    Zandan's and Kirako's darker poetry inspired me to write this along with the crazy nightmares I've been having lately.

    Thanks for inspiring me you two!
    ^^


    you put a strand of my hair
    behind my ear-
    as a romantic gesture
    with the edge of your blade.
    "it's common courtesy"
    you say, "to show what I
    do my foulest deeds with."

    you pick up my cold hand
    and kiss it as if to revive it-
    only so you can kill it again.

    you wipe off the blood on
    your white sleeve,
    you take your trusty sword
    and go at it again.
    "it's common courtesy"
    you say, "to clean up a mess
    before I start another."

    His voice trembles
    along with his hands:
    "I" he stabs my heart, again
    "loved" he stabs my thigh
    "you!" he stabs my eyes,
    repeatedly.
    as if once wasn't enough...
    he
    calls it tough love.


    "No longer do I have to see
    those two wretched things."
    he cries out like a sick psychopath
    in need of the electric chair.

    I try to cry
    but all that
    comes out is
    blood,
    my own liquid crimson
    paints the concrete canvas
    on which I lay.


    They say the dead don't feel pain,
    Then why do I feel metal shards
    Pushing into my skin? Over and over.
    He just won't stop
    until I can no longer
    be recognized.

    I wronged him,
    I know I did,
    I cheated, I lied-
    But did I really deserve this?
    Does cheating on the one you love
    equate to such a horrific death penalty?
    Maybe it does...
    Not like it matters now...
    If I could take back what I did;
    I would.
    But would he take back what he did?
    NO, never.


    He chops off my long blood drenched hair
    "No longer do I have to put your hair
    behind your lopsided ear. Not like you
    appreciated it you worthless wench.

    I lie there in my pool of blood
    Pool of lies.

    This must be hell.
    He must be Satan.

    God, please, take me away!
    Give me another chance!
    I promise this time around
    I won't give another guy a single glance
    I'll be faithful and loving-
    I'll never lie ever again.

    Please, don't tell me that this is my end.


  2. #2
    Stuck in Love's Capture Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara's Avatar
    Gil
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    I like it sis ^^ really like the ending o.o

    Amazing set by
    Ezza Obsuna ^^

    The days fly by and the feelings remain
    So far away and causing us pain
    That's okay we'll make it through
    Soon we'll get to say "I love you"



  3. #3
    Kirako's medic soldier Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com's Avatar
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    Default

    that was a scary poem. Interesting but scary. Though it definitely is an excellent poem. I once called someone on the phone (part of my job) and believe it or not, her name IS satan. What parent would name their child satan?!

  4. #4
    Member 3mO.AnG3L.La3La has a reputation beyond repute 3mO.AnG3L.La3La has a reputation beyond repute 3mO.AnG3L.La3La has a reputation beyond repute 3mO.AnG3L.La3La has a reputation beyond repute 3mO.AnG3L.La3La has a reputation beyond repute 3mO.AnG3L.La3La has a reputation beyond repute 3mO.AnG3L.La3La has a reputation beyond repute 3mO.AnG3L.La3La has a reputation beyond repute 3mO.AnG3L.La3La has a reputation beyond repute 3mO.AnG3L.La3La has a reputation beyond repute 3mO.AnG3L.La3La has a reputation beyond repute 3mO.AnG3L.La3La's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nightixu@hotmail.com View Post
    that was a scary poem. Interesting but scary. Though it definitely is an excellent poem. I once called someone on the phone (part of my job) and believe it or not, her name IS satan. What parent would name their child satan?!
    I agree but it was awesome, I have to say.
    And woah, probably parents who are Satanists and thought that naming a child Satan would please him
    WH3N D3ATH COM3Z. . .it shall be a r3li3f from the pain OF LIF3
    Tnx whoever changed my usertitle. Love ya

  5. #5
    Forever Shattered Rulloxp has a reputation beyond repute Rulloxp has a reputation beyond repute Rulloxp has a reputation beyond repute Rulloxp has a reputation beyond repute Rulloxp has a reputation beyond repute Rulloxp has a reputation beyond repute Rulloxp has a reputation beyond repute Rulloxp has a reputation beyond repute Rulloxp has a reputation beyond repute Rulloxp has a reputation beyond repute Rulloxp has a reputation beyond repute Rulloxp's Avatar
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    I like this, and the feeling it gives off. Very Intense.

    My Favorite Part<3:
    God, please, take me away!
    Give me another chance!
    I promise this time around
    I won't give another guy a single glance
    I'll be faithful and loving-
    I'll never lie ever again.

    Keep On Going! You'll get better and better
    Legit, the best signature by: Kirako Shima <3
    "Maybe if my heart stops beating
    it wont hurt this much
    and never will I have to
    answer again to anyone"

  6. #6
    Artistic Muse Kirei Shijin has a reputation beyond repute Kirei Shijin has a reputation beyond repute Kirei Shijin has a reputation beyond repute Kirei Shijin has a reputation beyond repute Kirei Shijin has a reputation beyond repute Kirei Shijin has a reputation beyond repute Kirei Shijin has a reputation beyond repute Kirei Shijin has a reputation beyond repute Kirei Shijin has a reputation beyond repute Kirei Shijin has a reputation beyond repute Kirei Shijin has a reputation beyond repute Kirei Shijin's Avatar
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Kirako Shima View Post
    I like it sis ^^ really like the ending o.o
    Thanks, sis.

    Quote Originally Posted by Nightixu@hotmail.com View Post
    that was a scary poem. Interesting but scary. Though it definitely is an excellent poem. I once called someone on the phone (part of my job) and believe it or not, her name IS satan. What parent would name their child satan?!
    Thanks! It's probably one of my scariest poems; I scared myself as I was writing it, haha. xD Wow, naming your kid Satan is messed up! I wonder if he's a creepy kid? o.0

    Quote Originally Posted by 3mO.AnG3L.La3La View Post
    I agree but it was awesome, I have to say.
    And woah, probably parents who are Satanists and thought that naming a child Satan would please him
    Thank you. :] And, yeah, I think you're right.

    Quote Originally Posted by Rulloxp View Post
    I like this, and the feeling it gives off. Very Intense.

    My Favorite Part<3:
    God, please, take me away!
    Give me another chance!
    I promise this time around
    I won't give another guy a single glance
    I'll be faithful and loving-
    I'll never lie ever again.

    Keep On Going! You'll get better and better
    Thank you, Rullo!


  7. #7
    Captain No Pants Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki.'s Avatar
    Gil
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    Hmm . . . interesting.
    I didn't think it was really scary, though.
    You can really feel the emotions of the two characters in it,
    so very well done there. ^_^

    I also think that a message was left unspoken, but lying just below the surface of the words: "When one does wrong, wrong them back ten times worse." O_O Seems to be what the male character is thinking.

    Anyway, that's my two cents.
    Despite it being well written, I can't say I enjoyed it. -_-
    I dunno, guess the imagery isn't to my liking. Graphic to say the least.
    Last edited by Tsuki.; 04-20-2010 at 11:23 PM.


  8. #8
    Psychic Amnesiac Zandan has a reputation beyond repute Zandan has a reputation beyond repute Zandan has a reputation beyond repute Zandan has a reputation beyond repute Zandan has a reputation beyond repute Zandan has a reputation beyond repute Zandan has a reputation beyond repute Zandan has a reputation beyond repute Zandan has a reputation beyond repute Zandan has a reputation beyond repute Zandan has a reputation beyond repute Zandan's Avatar
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    Default

    I like it, I like it a lot. Glad to have had a part in inspiring you.

    Quote Originally Posted by Nightixu@hotmail.com View Post
    that was a scary poem. Interesting but scary. Though it definitely is an excellent poem. I once called someone on the phone (part of my job) and believe it or not, her name IS satan. What parent would name their child satan?!
    I don't see what's wrong with that. Is that supposed to be bad? In the original Hebrew, the name just means "astray" or "distant", only in Abrahamic religions does it refer to the devil, who has many names anyway. Even in religious terms, it means "fallen angel" which can be a compliment, for example, "you're so beautiful, you must be an angel fallen from the sky," or something like that.
    I'm a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I'm going to forget.

    Children in backseats will cause accidents. Accidents in backseats can bear children.

    The more you learn, the more you know, the more you know, and the more you forget. The more you forget, the less you know. So why bother to learn?


    Made by Hakuchuumu

  9. #9
    Artistic Muse Kirei Shijin has a reputation beyond repute Kirei Shijin has a reputation beyond repute Kirei Shijin has a reputation beyond repute Kirei Shijin has a reputation beyond repute Kirei Shijin has a reputation beyond repute Kirei Shijin has a reputation beyond repute Kirei Shijin has a reputation beyond repute Kirei Shijin has a reputation beyond repute Kirei Shijin has a reputation beyond repute Kirei Shijin has a reputation beyond repute Kirei Shijin has a reputation beyond repute Kirei Shijin's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zandan View Post
    I like it, I like it a lot. Glad to have had a part in inspiring you.



    I don't see what's wrong with that. Is that supposed to be bad? In the original Hebrew, the name just means "astray" or "distant", only in Abrahamic religions does it refer to the devil, who has many names anyway. Even in religious terms, it means "fallen angel" which can be a compliment, for example, "you're so beautiful, you must be an angel fallen from the sky," or something like that.
    Thank you!

    And, good point; I didn't realize that.


  10. #10
    Senior Member ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR's Avatar
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    Murder to a liar, to a lover who deserves not what could have been given to her. I found my jaw had dropped by the end of reading, sharp pain soaring on the inside of realizing that what can be vizualized in this poem could happen to anyone. Scary. Keep writing, my friend.
    I am no more a rose than I am its thorns.
    No more a gentle breeze than I am the hailing storm.
    I am no more hated than I am loved.
    And I am no more heartfilled than I am heartless.
    This is who I am.
    ~ELR

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