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Thread: Hollow

  1. #1
    Stuck in Love's Capture Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara's Avatar
    Gil
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    Default Hollow

    Well...I thought I'd try a poem that didn't rhyme so much. I don't think much of this one, but some may beg to differ. Tell me what you think please ^^ I hope everyone likes it.


    Hollow

    This emptiness inside of me
    All I want is for it to reside
    But it's a lost cause
    I wonder why?
    Because the scars still petrify

    Deep in this tomb I call my mind
    Everything around me shakes
    As I'm haunted by these memories
    That pick away at me
    This immense pain is all I can bare

    Along the agonizing road
    Everyone disappears
    Now I'm all alone
    As these memories come flashing back
    Bringing me to my knees

    I'm alone
    Isolated
    Distant
    Shallow
    Hollow

    That's right, I'm a hollow shell
    I am what my painful past made me
    A dull, lifeless, hollow being
    I have no soul, I have no heart
    You want it back?

    Well, then let's go to start
    back where it all began...
    Last edited by OminousCloud; 12-10-2010 at 03:57 AM. Reason: removed colours

    Amazing set by
    Ezza Obsuna ^^

    The days fly by and the feelings remain
    So far away and causing us pain
    That's okay we'll make it through
    Soon we'll get to say "I love you"



  2. #2
    Member 3mO.AnG3L.La3La has a reputation beyond repute 3mO.AnG3L.La3La has a reputation beyond repute 3mO.AnG3L.La3La has a reputation beyond repute 3mO.AnG3L.La3La has a reputation beyond repute 3mO.AnG3L.La3La has a reputation beyond repute 3mO.AnG3L.La3La has a reputation beyond repute 3mO.AnG3L.La3La has a reputation beyond repute 3mO.AnG3L.La3La has a reputation beyond repute 3mO.AnG3L.La3La has a reputation beyond repute 3mO.AnG3L.La3La has a reputation beyond repute 3mO.AnG3L.La3La has a reputation beyond repute 3mO.AnG3L.La3La's Avatar
    Gil
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    Default

    Beautiful. Nice and dark (the way i like it! xP)
    WH3N D3ATH COM3Z. . .it shall be a r3li3f from the pain OF LIF3
    Tnx whoever changed my usertitle. Love ya

  3. #3
    Stuck in Love's Capture Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara's Avatar
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    Default

    Lol thanks XD

    Amazing set by
    Ezza Obsuna ^^

    The days fly by and the feelings remain
    So far away and causing us pain
    That's okay we'll make it through
    Soon we'll get to say "I love you"



  4. #4
    Forever Shattered Rulloxp has a reputation beyond repute Rulloxp has a reputation beyond repute Rulloxp has a reputation beyond repute Rulloxp has a reputation beyond repute Rulloxp has a reputation beyond repute Rulloxp has a reputation beyond repute Rulloxp has a reputation beyond repute Rulloxp has a reputation beyond repute Rulloxp has a reputation beyond repute Rulloxp has a reputation beyond repute Rulloxp has a reputation beyond repute Rulloxp's Avatar
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    Default

    I think that even though you cut around rhyming, it was still just as emotional The Poem was still very clear, and i loved it. Nice Job(;

    Favorite Part:
    Deep in this tomb I call my mind
    Everything around me shakes
    As I'm haunted by these memories
    That pick away at me
    <3
    Legit, the best signature by: Kirako Shima <3
    "Maybe if my heart stops beating
    it wont hurt this much
    and never will I have to
    answer again to anyone"

  5. #5
    Stuck in Love's Capture Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara's Avatar
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    Default

    Thank you Rullo I'm really glad that you like it. ^^

    Amazing set by
    Ezza Obsuna ^^

    The days fly by and the feelings remain
    So far away and causing us pain
    That's okay we'll make it through
    Soon we'll get to say "I love you"



  6. #6
    Psychic Amnesiac Zandan has a reputation beyond repute Zandan has a reputation beyond repute Zandan has a reputation beyond repute Zandan has a reputation beyond repute Zandan has a reputation beyond repute Zandan has a reputation beyond repute Zandan has a reputation beyond repute Zandan has a reputation beyond repute Zandan has a reputation beyond repute Zandan has a reputation beyond repute Zandan has a reputation beyond repute Zandan's Avatar
    Gil
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    Default

    O_O I like this. I like this a lot. Yeah, it could definitely be better, but it's good as it is too.

    Seems like the start of a tragic story, which is something I really like.

    You must write more! More!! MOAR!! *cough* Ahem, sorry about that.

    (side note)I would post another poem...but it is probably too graphic and inappropriate. It is very disturbing, even for me. I don't even remember writing it, and it's scary how discriptive it is.
    I'm a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I'm going to forget.

    Children in backseats will cause accidents. Accidents in backseats can bear children.

    The more you learn, the more you know, the more you know, and the more you forget. The more you forget, the less you know. So why bother to learn?


    Made by Hakuchuumu

  7. #7
    Stuck in Love's Capture Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara's Avatar
    Gil
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    Default

    Hm o.o so I guess I'll try it like this more often o.o; lol. I'm glad you like it too Zandan ^^ you're the reason I tried writing something like this, always saying I should write a poem that didn't rhyme. So it was good? O_o

    Hmm, that graphic poem, do you think you could send it to me in PM? You've got me really interested in it o.o;

    Amazing set by
    Ezza Obsuna ^^

    The days fly by and the feelings remain
    So far away and causing us pain
    That's okay we'll make it through
    Soon we'll get to say "I love you"



  8. #8
    Psychic Amnesiac Zandan has a reputation beyond repute Zandan has a reputation beyond repute Zandan has a reputation beyond repute Zandan has a reputation beyond repute Zandan has a reputation beyond repute Zandan has a reputation beyond repute Zandan has a reputation beyond repute Zandan has a reputation beyond repute Zandan has a reputation beyond repute Zandan has a reputation beyond repute Zandan has a reputation beyond repute Zandan's Avatar
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    Default

    Glad to see that my opinion is important enough to warrant an attempt.

    I'd say it's really good. I tend to like poems more when they don't rhyme so much, although I can easily appreciate a good rhythm and rhyme. It's just my preference I guess.

    I can send it to you through a pm, hope it isn't too bad...I think I'm a bit sick (not ill) for dreaming up something like it though...
    I'm a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I'm going to forget.

    Children in backseats will cause accidents. Accidents in backseats can bear children.

    The more you learn, the more you know, the more you know, and the more you forget. The more you forget, the less you know. So why bother to learn?


    Made by Hakuchuumu

  9. #9
    Kirako's medic soldier Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com's Avatar
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    Default

    this poem really touched me. It was beautiful. Elegant and haunting. I loved it. Kirako, you're a damn fine poet.

  10. #10
    Stuck in Love's Capture Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara's Avatar
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    Thank you Night ^^ that means a lot coming from you as well because you're an awesome poet too.

    Amazing set by
    Ezza Obsuna ^^

    The days fly by and the feelings remain
    So far away and causing us pain
    That's okay we'll make it through
    Soon we'll get to say "I love you"



  11. #11
    Artistic Muse Kirei Shijin has a reputation beyond repute Kirei Shijin has a reputation beyond repute Kirei Shijin has a reputation beyond repute Kirei Shijin has a reputation beyond repute Kirei Shijin has a reputation beyond repute Kirei Shijin has a reputation beyond repute Kirei Shijin has a reputation beyond repute Kirei Shijin has a reputation beyond repute Kirei Shijin has a reputation beyond repute Kirei Shijin has a reputation beyond repute Kirei Shijin has a reputation beyond repute Kirei Shijin's Avatar
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Rulloxp View Post
    I think that even though you cut around rhyming, it was still just as emotional The Poem was still very clear, and i loved it. Nice Job(;

    Favorite Part:
    Deep in this tomb I call my mind
    Everything around me shakes
    As I'm haunted by these memories
    That pick away at me
    <3
    I couldn't agree with Rullo any more! He's right. Good job, sis.


  12. #12
    Stuck in Love's Capture Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara's Avatar
    Gil
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    Thanks sis ^^

    Amazing set by
    Ezza Obsuna ^^

    The days fly by and the feelings remain
    So far away and causing us pain
    That's okay we'll make it through
    Soon we'll get to say "I love you"



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