This is almost finished, but I'm looking for some C&C before I give it to the woman it's intended for.
Lucid girl, my lips muster just short of my words. Never has this ghost of a man descried and spied a lovely woman in such grace and velvet, alluring restlessness that embodies you, your substance, your sinuous hair, embellished much the same as millions of ebon strands and strings that comprise the cradle of my lush heart; that which sits the beautiful Lilith - cradled she abide, cradled like the virgin - she's cradled a blackened bride. And in all of her symmetry, she rests with her sins - her demon - insipid; cast away deep, down in. Still, she rests cradled, tended by your dark eyes and the brilliance they withhold - elfin Lilith, embraced by none but you, you lucid girl.
Your dark eyes none but bright. You lucid girl; how they shimmer like the homely, sweet basin. The sun pay to it dearly, and it ripples ominously; a sweet, stark raisin. Alas, your menace - your menacing eyes - draw my eager heart nearer and nearer, swimming and kissing your dazed devise; you rest unwittingly by your waters. Perhaps you wait for me to take my step closer - and that step I will take, closer to you.
With open arms, you'll greet me always, you'll hold me tender and love me through all my endeared dementia; even when the nova severs this terra firma asunder, you'll embrace my forsaken subsistence and oh, take me under, and I'll still muster these words from my pale, ashen lips - I love you terribly, you lucid girl - I love you like this.