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Thread: Continue Forward and Turn Back

  1. #1
    Stuck in Love's Capture Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara's Avatar
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    Default Continue Forward and Turn Back

    This poem came to me so fast today in school, I had to write it. I don't know why but it just flowed on the paper and it took a few minutes. I hope everyone likes it. ^^


    Continue Forward and Turn Back

    You're always in front and I'm always in back
    I don't think I'll ever catch up because of everything I lack
    Once I think I'm there, I see your smiling face
    You hold out your hand but I have to go my own pace

    I hit a bump in the road and stumble forward
    You stop and wait for me as I slowly come toward

    "I told you, don't wait for me, just keep moving, you have your own dream"

    You frown at my words but continue on
    It's just a matter of time before I'm too far gone
    I'm getting further and further behind you
    Pretty soon there wont even be a clue

    I give up and sit down, catching my breath
    Just waiting for this inevitable lonely death
    Until I hear a shuffle of footsteps in front of me
    My head shoots up and it's that goofy smile I see

    I try to speak but no words come out
    All the words I really want to shout
    But just then you take my hands
    Now, you are the one who speaks:

    "I don't plan on leaving you in the dust
    Even if you think that it's a must
    You are wrong and I have this to say
    Here with you is where I stay"
    Last edited by OminousCloud; 12-10-2010 at 03:58 AM. Reason: removed colours

    Amazing set by
    Ezza Obsuna ^^

    The days fly by and the feelings remain
    So far away and causing us pain
    That's okay we'll make it through
    Soon we'll get to say "I love you"



  2. #2
    Psychic Amnesiac Zandan has a reputation beyond repute Zandan has a reputation beyond repute Zandan has a reputation beyond repute Zandan has a reputation beyond repute Zandan has a reputation beyond repute Zandan has a reputation beyond repute Zandan has a reputation beyond repute Zandan has a reputation beyond repute Zandan has a reputation beyond repute Zandan has a reputation beyond repute Zandan has a reputation beyond repute Zandan's Avatar
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    Hmm....seems...I don't know...

    I'm having a hard time thinking of a word that describes this...kind of...bleh?

    I don't know, not great, but not bad. I like the message in the last stanza, but I can't feel emotion in the poem. I guess that's what is confusing me. I don't feel emotion reading this, and your poems are usually pretty good at drawing something out.
    I'm a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I'm going to forget.

    Children in backseats will cause accidents. Accidents in backseats can bear children.

    The more you learn, the more you know, the more you know, and the more you forget. The more you forget, the less you know. So why bother to learn?


    Made by Hakuchuumu

  3. #3
    Stuck in Love's Capture Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara's Avatar
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    Maybe because I rushed it and didn't change anything o.o hmm. Thank you for your comment. ^^

    Amazing set by
    Ezza Obsuna ^^

    The days fly by and the feelings remain
    So far away and causing us pain
    That's okay we'll make it through
    Soon we'll get to say "I love you"



  4. #4
    Forever Shattered Rulloxp has a reputation beyond repute Rulloxp has a reputation beyond repute Rulloxp has a reputation beyond repute Rulloxp has a reputation beyond repute Rulloxp has a reputation beyond repute Rulloxp has a reputation beyond repute Rulloxp has a reputation beyond repute Rulloxp has a reputation beyond repute Rulloxp has a reputation beyond repute Rulloxp has a reputation beyond repute Rulloxp has a reputation beyond repute Rulloxp's Avatar
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    Well, i really liked this one (: You rhymed and made it flow (: It makes alot of sense and has plenty emotion, for me too see. It shows that theirs always that friend who will always be their for you. And described that nicely. I liked this one, its very sweet. (:
    Legit, the best signature by: Kirako Shima <3
    "Maybe if my heart stops beating
    it wont hurt this much
    and never will I have to
    answer again to anyone"

  5. #5
    Stuck in Love's Capture Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara's Avatar
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    Thank you Rullo ^^ the story behind it:

    A girl who is always trying to catch up to a guy who is beyond her league but can never get the strength to be beside him because he's so far from her, so much smarter and he just keeps advancing. His sweet side makes him halt in his tracks to wait for the girl, but she shoos him away because he's trying to make his dream come true just like she is, she doesn't want to take that away from him, so she continues at her own pace.

    After getting into an extreme sense of disappointment, she falls behind even more, he gets even further away now because she lost her will power to move forward. After seeing that there was no way she could catch up to him, she gave up completely and stopped in her tracks to catch her breath--(Think things over) all she thinks about is how hopeless it seems so she slowly starts to doubt herself even more, drifting into despair thinking that he's gone now...but she looks up to find he's come back for her with a great big smile on his face saying that he will advance when she does so they can succeed together.

    Amazing set by
    Ezza Obsuna ^^

    The days fly by and the feelings remain
    So far away and causing us pain
    That's okay we'll make it through
    Soon we'll get to say "I love you"



  6. #6
    Forever Shattered Rulloxp has a reputation beyond repute Rulloxp has a reputation beyond repute Rulloxp has a reputation beyond repute Rulloxp has a reputation beyond repute Rulloxp has a reputation beyond repute Rulloxp has a reputation beyond repute Rulloxp has a reputation beyond repute Rulloxp has a reputation beyond repute Rulloxp has a reputation beyond repute Rulloxp has a reputation beyond repute Rulloxp has a reputation beyond repute Rulloxp's Avatar
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    See!? Sweet, i loved it *(:
    Legit, the best signature by: Kirako Shima <3
    "Maybe if my heart stops beating
    it wont hurt this much
    and never will I have to
    answer again to anyone"

  7. #7
    Senior Member
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    It was...okay, I guess...pardon me when I say it sounded like a teen romance of which I normally try to avoid. The rest of it is good, and I still say the main point of poetry is to let out what you feel. (:

    On a different note, thank God Princess Minako locked the Poetry Forum thread. It had no point in the first place. And since when is the stuff we write here 80% romance? And 5 bad poems on the first page? >_>;;; I agree it was flame baiting. And Ai acts all superior in front of newbies. So she was a mod here once. So what? She doesn't use proper spelling and grammar in her usual posts, either. Rant rant rant...


    いつからかの思い出

  8. #8
    Stuck in Love's Capture Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara's Avatar
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    Lol this isn't how I feel, I just wanted to write it. Thank you for your comment ^^

    And YES you are right

    Amazing set by
    Ezza Obsuna ^^

    The days fly by and the feelings remain
    So far away and causing us pain
    That's okay we'll make it through
    Soon we'll get to say "I love you"



  9. #9
    Junior Member Kimochi-chan is on a distinguished road Kimochi-chan's Avatar
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    Cool I love your poem!

    Hi! I really enjoyed reading your poem! It was filled with emotion and I felt something when I read it! You're a really nice writer! I hope to read more of your poems in the future! ^^
    Thank you to all my friends, for making this world such a wonderful place! I love you!! ^^

  10. #10
    Stuck in Love's Capture Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara's Avatar
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    Thank you very much Kimo. ^^

    Amazing set by
    Ezza Obsuna ^^

    The days fly by and the feelings remain
    So far away and causing us pain
    That's okay we'll make it through
    Soon we'll get to say "I love you"



  11. #11
    Psychic Amnesiac Zandan has a reputation beyond repute Zandan has a reputation beyond repute Zandan has a reputation beyond repute Zandan has a reputation beyond repute Zandan has a reputation beyond repute Zandan has a reputation beyond repute Zandan has a reputation beyond repute Zandan has a reputation beyond repute Zandan has a reputation beyond repute Zandan has a reputation beyond repute Zandan has a reputation beyond repute Zandan's Avatar
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    Hmm....I guess I was the only one that couldn't feel the emotion...
    I'm a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I'm going to forget.

    Children in backseats will cause accidents. Accidents in backseats can bear children.

    The more you learn, the more you know, the more you know, and the more you forget. The more you forget, the less you know. So why bother to learn?


    Made by Hakuchuumu

  12. #12
    Junior Member julay is a splendid one to behold julay is a splendid one to behold julay is a splendid one to behold julay is a splendid one to behold julay is a splendid one to behold julay is a splendid one to behold julay is a splendid one to behold julay's Avatar
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    I know how this feels
    This poem is about someone you love I gurantee it .
    well You lack same thing as I did confidence.
    Only who has been in this emotion can get true feel of this poem.

  13. #13
    Senior Member
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    @Zan: I didn't get much from it as well. So not only you.


    いつからかの思い出

  14. #14
    Stuck in Love's Capture Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara's Avatar
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    I know, it could have been so much better, I think I'm trying too hard lol.

    Amazing set by
    Ezza Obsuna ^^

    The days fly by and the feelings remain
    So far away and causing us pain
    That's okay we'll make it through
    Soon we'll get to say "I love you"



  15. #15
    Artistic Muse Kirei Shijin has a reputation beyond repute Kirei Shijin has a reputation beyond repute Kirei Shijin has a reputation beyond repute Kirei Shijin has a reputation beyond repute Kirei Shijin has a reputation beyond repute Kirei Shijin has a reputation beyond repute Kirei Shijin has a reputation beyond repute Kirei Shijin has a reputation beyond repute Kirei Shijin has a reputation beyond repute Kirei Shijin has a reputation beyond repute Kirei Shijin has a reputation beyond repute Kirei Shijin's Avatar
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    Beautiful! There's not much else I can say, Kirako. I loved it! <3



    Quote Originally Posted by Zandan View Post
    Hmm....I guess I was the only one that couldn't feel the emotion...

    The emotion is there but depending on one's personal experiences it could be difficult to feel/understand an emotion a poet is trying to evoke. It's really okay, that could happen to just about anyone.


  16. #16
    Stuck in Love's Capture Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara's Avatar
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    Thanks sis

    Amazing set by
    Ezza Obsuna ^^

    The days fly by and the feelings remain
    So far away and causing us pain
    That's okay we'll make it through
    Soon we'll get to say "I love you"



  17. #17
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    I think it was well written, I loved it.
    Good and Evil have never been this cute

  18. #18
    Stuck in Love's Capture Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara's Avatar
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    Thank you for your comment, but I have yet to top my poem "Into The Sands" (At least I think it's that one lol) I think I am trying too hard to top it though, which is why I come out with these poems. My original intention of this poem was to make it dark and saddening, but I changed my mind for some reason.

    Amazing set by
    Ezza Obsuna ^^

    The days fly by and the feelings remain
    So far away and causing us pain
    That's okay we'll make it through
    Soon we'll get to say "I love you"



  19. #19
    Member 3mO.AnG3L.La3La has a reputation beyond repute 3mO.AnG3L.La3La has a reputation beyond repute 3mO.AnG3L.La3La has a reputation beyond repute 3mO.AnG3L.La3La has a reputation beyond repute 3mO.AnG3L.La3La has a reputation beyond repute 3mO.AnG3L.La3La has a reputation beyond repute 3mO.AnG3L.La3La has a reputation beyond repute 3mO.AnG3L.La3La has a reputation beyond repute 3mO.AnG3L.La3La has a reputation beyond repute 3mO.AnG3L.La3La has a reputation beyond repute 3mO.AnG3L.La3La has a reputation beyond repute 3mO.AnG3L.La3La's Avatar
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    don't trouble yourself to much. it was awesome so leave it at that
    WH3N D3ATH COM3Z. . .it shall be a r3li3f from the pain OF LIF3
    Tnx whoever changed my usertitle. Love ya

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    Psychic Amnesiac Zandan has a reputation beyond repute Zandan has a reputation beyond repute Zandan has a reputation beyond repute Zandan has a reputation beyond repute Zandan has a reputation beyond repute Zandan has a reputation beyond repute Zandan has a reputation beyond repute Zandan has a reputation beyond repute Zandan has a reputation beyond repute Zandan has a reputation beyond repute Zandan has a reputation beyond repute Zandan's Avatar
    Gil
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kirei22 View Post

    The emotion is there but depending on one's personal experiences it could be difficult to feel/understand an emotion a poet is trying to evoke. It's really okay, that could happen to just about anyone.
    That could be it. I have felt what it feels like to constantly trail behind someone. But I've never really felt the feeling one would feel if they turn back for you.
    I'm a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I'm going to forget.

    Children in backseats will cause accidents. Accidents in backseats can bear children.

    The more you learn, the more you know, the more you know, and the more you forget. The more you forget, the less you know. So why bother to learn?


    Made by Hakuchuumu

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