Letting Go

[Rulloxp]

[COLOR=black]Okay, so I've been very interested in Poetry lately and I thought I should give it a shot. This is my first "published" work, and tell me what you think? I worked really hard, so any tips, or advice will be very nice. Thanks, VV [COLOR]

As you walk, the sun gets brighter
Running fast, you feel so lighter
Seeing various places to scowl,
Watching the animals, as they howl
Continuing on past the waves
Looking so anxious, you feel so brave
The sun can burn, only so brightly
Your passion is real, don't take that lightly

Stepping on Stones, you're reminded of before
When your heart was shattered, right from the core
Watching the waves crash and dance, a tear slides down your face
Pouring with emotion, you fall for the trance and suddenly you realize your place

When you do fall in love, the heart becomes pure
And you undoubtedly realize that there is no cure
Cherish the moments you have, and never let them go
Don't fear the unknown, just let your emotions show

Falling in love with them, you whisper, is the easiest part
Letting them go, you finish, can tear you apart

[Kaname Shikara]

This was VERY good for your first poem! I'm very proud of you for trying so hard. The only problem is the stanzas ^^ only make the poem one color because not many people will want to read a poem with more than that because they may get confused with them. Just space your stanzas apart. ^^ And one more thing would be the last line. -Letting them go, you finish, can tare you apart- "tare" should be changed to "tear" but other than that this is an amazing job for your first poem! I really hope you post more soon.

[Rulloxp]

This was VERY good for your first poem! I'm very proud of you for trying so hard. The only problem is the stanzas ^^ only make the poem one color because not many people will want to read a poem with more than that because they may get confused with them. Just space your stanzas apart. ^^ And one more thing would be the last line. -Letting them go, you finish, can tare you apart- "tare" should be changed to "tear" but other than that this is an amazing job for your first poem! I really hope you post more soon.

Thanks, that means a lot to me. And at first i had them spaced out, but i changed it for some reason. o.O Next time, I'll be sure to correct that; and about the spelling: i really should have checked it more thoughly before posting. :\ Sorry about that! But, thank you so much (: And i fixed the problems with the regular issues, (spelling, coloring) rofl, thanks(:

[Kaname Shikara]

You're welcome. It's no problem at all ^^ I'm glad to read your first poem, it was really good! ^^

[Rei]

This is a really good poem! Sorry I can't come up with any constructive comments...but yes, it really touched me. (:

[Rulloxp]

This is a really good poem! Sorry I can't come up with any constructive comments...but yes, it really touched me. (:

Thank you so much, I'll try to make sure i can post more (:

[Kaname Shikara]

I can't stop reading it! XD

[Rei]

Omg! Addiction! XD (LOL.)

[Rulloxp]

I think those are compliments. ^^ ? ROFL!(:

[Rei]

They SHOULD be... *grins evilly*

[Kirei Shijin]

Wow, what a wonderful poem. And, that's really your first published work?! That's so impressive.

The sun can burn, only so brightly
Your passion is real, don't take that lightly

^Favorite line.

Running fast, you feel so lighter

^I'd watch out for this one. It sounds a bit off/awkward but if you say "Running fast, you feel much lighter" or "Running fast, you feel so much lighter" would make perfect sense.

Other than that, great job! ^^

[Rulloxp]

Wow, what a wonderful poem. And, that's really your first published work?! That's so impressive.


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^Favorite line.




^I'd watch out for this one. It sounds a bit off/awkward but if you say "Running fast, you feel much lighter" or "Running fast, you feel so much lighter" would make perfect sense.

Other than that, great job! ^^

Thank you so much (: Yeah, their were a few lines i thought were a little funny. In my next one, i'll try to improve on that .!

[Kaname Shikara]

I'm sure you'll do a great job again ^^ I can't wait for the next one. XD