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View Poll Results: Is a long distance relationship possible?

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50. You may not vote on this poll
  • Of course. Love isn't all about physical contact.

    28 56.00%
  • No. It just wouldn't work out.

    13 26.00%
  • I have no opinion honestly.

    9 18.00%
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Thread: Long distance relationships

  1. #1
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    Default Long distance relationships

    I just had this conversation with a friend of mine who has a girlfriend in America. I told him I didn't like them because they wouldn't work out anyway. There was no physical contact, so that would kill the relationship for me. He said it was on the contrary, that you would actually be able to get to know someone before really knowing how they look like.

    The question is now, what do you guys think? do you guys think it is possible to have one, or do you think it is virtually impossible?
    Not everything is black and white like that.

  2. #2
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    Well, it isn't impossible but it's difficult. I mean you get to know someone in a different way, but you would rarely get to see them. But if you like or love that person enough and they feel the same way, I don't see why it wouldn't work out.

    I've been in a long distance relationship and it just upset me more than made me happy. But, hey, that's just me.


  3. #3
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    Its fine, that way the 4 of us will be happy. anyways I see her every weekend.

  4. #4
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    Wow, where do I start with this?
    To me, LDR is possible if the two in party/couple try to make it work.
    They have factors to think about such a communication and trust.

    In this military life of mine, I've seen a glimpse of a couples relationship going down hill from the start because the men and women in the service barely have time to talk to their love ones. Also ask Janeiro about this too. She has her husband deployed at this time and she can fill you in her side of the story. Anyways, a simple 10 minute phone call might be the only form of communication possible between any of the two. I've also seen a glimpse of the civilian life where a friend of mine was still dating his girlfriend who went away to college in New York. To this day the two is still going strong with their relationship. So I've given you two separate examples. I guess it's just up to the couple to really make it work.

    As for me, I'd try not to get my self involved with women at this point in my life even if its both local and LDR. I don't want to have to cause drama and heartaches towards that woman who can be treated much better than I can when I'm not around because of my duty.
    Last edited by Vyndrasta; 03-31-2010 at 04:27 PM.
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  5. #5
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    Not really a good idea unless you are a compatible match, and one moves in with the other.

    Otherwise, you're just asking for things to go wrong.

  6. #6
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    Been in one for 3 years and now that we've finally got a situation where we can make it work, we're movin' in together, with me moving from my country to hers (This is obviously a must that needs to be settled/planned/agreed on ASAP in any such serious relationship).

    Though I'll just point out that you'll be spending every free week, day and moment shifting your full attention to said partner if you hope to make something like that work over such a long period of time. Women are emotional squashbags, after all.

    That said, it'll work if you're in it for the right reasons.
    But then again, what people are in relationships for said reason in this decadent day'n'age?


    The rewards of tolerance are treachery and betrayal.

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zedekiah View Post
    Been in one for 3 years and now that we've finally got a situation where we can make it work, we're movin' in together, with me moving from my country to hers (This is obviously a must that needs to be settled/planned/agreed on ASAP in any such serious relationship).

    Though I'll just point out that you'll be spending every free week, day and moment shifting your full attention to said partner if you hope to make something like that work over such a long period of time. Women are emotional squashbags, after all.

    That said, it'll work if you're in it for the right reasons.
    But then again, what people are in relationships for said reason in this decadent day'n'age?
    Aw. That's cute. :3

    That definitely takes a lot of care and dedication - especially the moving to a different country bit.

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zedekiah View Post
    Though I'll just point out that you'll be spending every free week, day and moment shifting your full attention to said partner
    This. If you're in a long-distance relationship say bye-bye to a real social life. Some might try to argue with that, but I don't see how.

    It can definitely work if both people stay on the same page and feel they are working towards something that is absolutely worth the trouble. I told myself I would never do it again though (which is why I am now across the country...) its so draining, and if the relationship ends (which, most do distance or no distance) there can be a real feeling of lost time.

    Btw, good luck Zedekiah, that's happy news. =)
    Last edited by Buruku; 03-31-2010 at 06:21 PM.
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  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by Buruku View Post
    This. If you're in a long-distance relationship say bye-bye to a real social life. Some might try to argue with that, but I don't see how.

    It can definitely work if both people stay on the same page and feel they are working towards something that is absolutely worth the trouble. I told myself I would never do it again though (which is why I am now across the country...) its so draining, and if the relationship ends (which, most do distance or no distance) there can be a real feeling of lost time.

    Btw, good luck Zedekiah, that's happy news. =)
    Thanks <3

    But I think Iron Will and working to end the "long distance" in the relationship is the most feasible solution.

    As such, I don't think a long distance relationship could work out in itself, but one that's putting solid work into getting together will. So in effect, long distance is a phase, not a relationship.


    The rewards of tolerance are treachery and betrayal.

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by Buruku

    It can definitely work if both people stay on the same page and feel they are working towards something that is absolutely worth the trouble. I told myself I would never do it again though (which is why I am now across the country...) its so draining, and if the relationship ends (which, most do distance or no distance) there can be a real feeling of lost time.
    I promised myself i'd never do it again either.

    Luckily, he's not so so far away, though. =3
    Last edited by Miss Electric Moonlight; 03-31-2010 at 06:40 PM.

  11. #11
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    Nah, I don't think it's possible unless you're really lucky. And if you both are of a certain personality that would make it work.

  12. #12
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    I can`t vote because I do have an opinion and it`s that you can`t lump this category into a yes/no possibility in terms of its success. The ones I`ve been in have failed for various reasons, but I`ve seen others work out until the couple has lived together.
    "A fool thinks himself to be wise, but a wise man knows himself to be a fool."

  13. #13
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    Sorry, out of experience... Long distance relationships don't work out well.
    I like to be able to hug and be with my guy, rather than IMing each other, which is the only way we can communicate.
    "Trust" tends to be used a lot in long distance relationship, I mean even in a regular one, but at least you get to know whats going on with your other half, easier than having a long distance one. Coz you don't know if they cheated on you, they won't tell you, and you'll never know. At least you can tell if that person did, if you were to have a regular relathionship.

    ALSO, you do not know if that other person is truly what they claim themselves to be. I've seen lots of relationships like that. That and they claim that looks aren't anything, but in reality they want their partner to be good looking. D:

    That is all.

  14. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by Taikyo View Post

    ALSO, you do not know if that other person is truly what they claim themselves to be. I've seen lots of relationships like that. That and they claim that looks aren't anything, but in reality they want their partner to be good looking. D:

    That is all.
    The looks aside (which is a part of any kind of relationship, i'd assume), I don't know how you'd guarantee your partner's fidelity (you aren't with them in person, how do you know they are staying true to you?)

    also, the whole "big promises" thing that seems all fun and nice in theory (before you meet), but when it comes for it to happen in actuality, and it just doesn't come to fruition, that's going to suck if/when it fails.

    I would say you'd need double the amount of trust in a long-distance relationship as you'd need in a person-to-person relationship.

    And, most importantly, a person who shares the same goals as you, not just someone who wants to pretend, book, and then leave you holding the bag when they decide that the seemingly mutual plans/fantasy aren't what they thought it was, or what they had in mind.

    Add double suckage points to the above scenario if all this happens after you choose to move in with them.
    Last edited by Miss Electric Moonlight; 03-31-2010 at 07:30 PM.

  15. #15
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    I was in a long distance relationship once... Then she noticed me in the bushes across the street.

    But seriously, long-distance relationships don't work unless they are for a very short period or unless they're established after something like marriage. A relationship requires emotional attachment and intimacy and being without those things puts too much of a strain.

    Voices and good intentions can't sustain a bond as brittle as love.
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  16. #16
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    Definately possible, but so far I'm 0-1 because my attempt was failed.
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    I definitely don't see it as "impossible" though difficult, of course. But I agree with Zedekiah that it can work if the long distance is simply a "phase" of the relationship, where ending up in person is the end result soon or later.
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    Well I wouldn't say it's impossible; it's happened before.

    The key element in making a long-distance relationship work is trust. Usually they fall apart when you feel you can't trust another when they're far away. These feelings of insecurity coupled with the fact you can't see and talk to the person make the relationship difficult to handle.

    But if you're willing to sacrifice physical contact and you can trust the other person and the other person trusts you with all your hearts, then I believe it can work.
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    They don't often work out, but I wouldn't use military relationships as an example of why. There's a big difference between "my boyfriend lives two thousand miles away," and "my boyfriend is fighting in a war." Very different kinds of stress.

    Long-distance relationships are tricky things. They require participating members to trust one another, to be capable of no physical intimacy for long periods of time, and to eventually have the means to meet up however often. There is also the danger of said relationships slipping into "friend zone" territory, where the lack of physical intimacy becomes habitual, even preferred, by one or both members and the "romance" part of the relationship simply dies away.

    For some people, they can work. For most, they can't.


    Bad Memory

  20. #20
    Senior Member Shinn Kamiyra has a reputation beyond repute Shinn Kamiyra has a reputation beyond repute Shinn Kamiyra has a reputation beyond repute Shinn Kamiyra has a reputation beyond repute Shinn Kamiyra has a reputation beyond repute Shinn Kamiyra has a reputation beyond repute Shinn Kamiyra has a reputation beyond repute Shinn Kamiyra has a reputation beyond repute Shinn Kamiyra has a reputation beyond repute Shinn Kamiyra has a reputation beyond repute Shinn Kamiyra has a reputation beyond repute Shinn Kamiyra's Avatar
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    Long-distance relationships are a tricky business, to be sure. They require quite a high level of trust and commitment on both parts; being able to withstand both the physical and mental frustrations of not being able to physically be next to each other and the belief that your partner will remain faithful to you even if you're not there.

    As many people here have already said, it's not something that just anyone can do. This isn't to say that it's impossible, for it most certainly isn't, but it takes a certain kind of someone with a helluva lot of fighting spirit to make it work.

    My thanks to Xey Oiz for the awesome new set.

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  21. #21
    SES Member zansa has a reputation beyond repute zansa has a reputation beyond repute zansa has a reputation beyond repute zansa has a reputation beyond repute zansa has a reputation beyond repute zansa has a reputation beyond repute zansa has a reputation beyond repute zansa has a reputation beyond repute zansa has a reputation beyond repute zansa has a reputation beyond repute zansa has a reputation beyond repute zansa's Avatar
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    its funny how the vowels appear before the h xD

  22. #22
    What a feeling in my soul Artcell has a reputation beyond repute Artcell has a reputation beyond repute Artcell has a reputation beyond repute Artcell has a reputation beyond repute Artcell has a reputation beyond repute Artcell has a reputation beyond repute Artcell has a reputation beyond repute Artcell has a reputation beyond repute Artcell has a reputation beyond repute Artcell has a reputation beyond repute Artcell has a reputation beyond repute Artcell's Avatar
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    Well,my boyfriend lives in America.And I'm like,half the world away from him!lol.
    But we've been together for about almost a whole year.
    Even if I don't have physical contact with him,I'm still happy as long as our souls are connected.I love him,so I am not gonna give up on this relationship,I am gonna try my hardest to make this work out in the end!
    So,I think long distant relationships work out,maybe not for everyone,but if you try really hard and feel strongly for your partner then of course it's possible to make it work.^^
    Lovely set made by the awesome Arxia!
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  23. #23
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    I always laugh when people argue that relationships which begin online/long distance "won't" or "can't" work. Plenty of people have had them work, so clearly that's a foolish notion. I think what people often mean to say is either that they couldn't handle being in an online/long distance relationship themself or that a relationship that is solely online/distance won't work. The first I can't comment on, but the second has some weight to it.

    I'm not sure that there are many people out there who have no desire meet/live closer to their loved one. Maybe none. I think there's generally an existing desire to bridge the gap, so to speak. Thus it is my opinion that for an online/distance relationship to grow, meetings MUST occur, and in the case of long distance relationships, it is likely someone will have to move in order to get anywhere. How long the relationship can last prior to those things comes down to many variables which include:
    • Communication. Human beings pick up so many subtle clues from one another that I imagine we pay them little mind...until they aren't there. From an observational perspective, I think poor communication is the greatest killer of online/distance relationships. To succeed there has to be a clear understanding of the limitations which exist. What I learned to do in my own relationship was to verbalize like I never had before. The odds of my then-boyfriend picking up on my being upset in a phone conversation was probably not as good as if we were together in person. Therefore I would tell him what was bothering me. Offer it, rather than wait for him to comment on it and grow unjustly angry when he didn't. Novel concept.
    • Honesty. Always good to have, but when there's distance it becomes crucial to be upfront and so allay the insecurity and fears which will inevitably strike.
    • Desire to bridge the gap. Again, I think the end goal is usually to be together, and making this clear helps both parties see that there really is an achievable future. I find it helps to keep in touch in a variety of ways...phone, email, IMs, webcams, letters, packages, etc. There's something especially nice about receiving mail from a loved one far away. It's comforting.
    • Clear definitions on what is and isn't cheating. This is something that I think is blurred worse in online/distance relationships than elsewhere. I highly doubt a relationship consisting of one person who considers their online relationship a folly to pass the time (while they date someone in person or are looking to do so) and another who wants the online relationship to become something serious will last. Also, again because insecurity tends to run rampant in these relationships, I think it is important to be clear about what you do and don't consider cheating. In an online relationship, flirting with others online may be considered more serious than in other instances because, hey, that's how YOU met.
    • Dedication. Moreso than other relationships, online/distance relationships require work. Both sides have to make efforts to keep in touch, to communicate, to show their interest, etc.
    • PATIENCE. I don't think I can stress this one enough. While I don't imagine everyone will wait even as long as I did for their happily ever after, it's unlikely to yield instant gratification. I think this is another common relationship killer.
    I've mentioned my own experience in threads before, so I'll be brief. I met SGI when he was 16 and I was 15. He lived in Australia and I in the states. Neither one of us was looking for a relationship, but we also couldn't deny it once we were struck. Over the years we grew closer and closer, and when I turned 18 I flew out to visit. There were more visits in the following years, as many as we could afford the time and money to make. Finally, because we knew there were only a few possible outcomes, we married each other in the states when he was 22 and I was 21. I moved to Australia a few months later (after obtaining a visa) and nearly 4 years later we're still disgustingly crazy about each other. In short, these things DO happen, and CAN work, but it's a far cry from easy.

  24. #24
    Senior Member Dr. Evil has a reputation beyond repute Dr. Evil has a reputation beyond repute Dr. Evil has a reputation beyond repute Dr. Evil has a reputation beyond repute Dr. Evil has a reputation beyond repute Dr. Evil has a reputation beyond repute Dr. Evil has a reputation beyond repute Dr. Evil has a reputation beyond repute Dr. Evil has a reputation beyond repute Dr. Evil has a reputation beyond repute Dr. Evil has a reputation beyond repute Dr. Evil's Avatar
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    I think they can work. It takes a lot of trust that many people don't have. If you get extremely luck, it will work. I wouldn't date a girl in another country but maybe in the same region of the country. Depends on the girl I guess. I don't know if it counts but I dated a girl that lived an hour away. That's about as close to a Long distance relationship as I've ever gotten.

  25. #25
    Junior Member dusk8448 has a reputation beyond repute dusk8448 has a reputation beyond repute dusk8448 has a reputation beyond repute dusk8448 has a reputation beyond repute dusk8448 has a reputation beyond repute dusk8448 has a reputation beyond repute dusk8448 has a reputation beyond repute dusk8448 has a reputation beyond repute dusk8448 has a reputation beyond repute dusk8448 has a reputation beyond repute dusk8448 has a reputation beyond repute dusk8448's Avatar
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    i think they can work out it takes a lot of trust ant the two peolpe have to be able to trust one another.
    im so alone in this hellish hole that i call my life.i find myself thing all i want to do is to kill that thing im suppossed to call a brother

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