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Thread: Hello, will you please...

  1. #1
    The Ramen Girl rEikAbLeU has a reputation beyond repute rEikAbLeU has a reputation beyond repute rEikAbLeU has a reputation beyond repute rEikAbLeU has a reputation beyond repute rEikAbLeU has a reputation beyond repute rEikAbLeU has a reputation beyond repute rEikAbLeU has a reputation beyond repute rEikAbLeU has a reputation beyond repute rEikAbLeU has a reputation beyond repute rEikAbLeU has a reputation beyond repute rEikAbLeU has a reputation beyond repute rEikAbLeU's Avatar
    Gil
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    Default Hello, will you please...

    this one, i wrote a long time ago...

    hope you guys appreciate it...

    C'n'C are always accepted here...


    ~~HELP ME GET OUT OF THIS MISERY,

    SHOW ME, I AM MEANT TO BE HAPPY,

    TELL ME THAT THERE IS SOMEBODY,

    SOMEONE, WAITING FOR MY HEART TO BE SET FREE!!!

    ~~FREE FROM THE PAIN I AM FEELING,

    FREE FROM THE MEMORIES I AM KEEPING,

    FREE FROM EVERYTHING AROUND ME,

    EVERYTHING THAT TAKES AWAY MY SANITY…


    ~~GIVE ME BACK THE OLD "ME",

    TAKE ME BACK TO THE TIME IM FULL OF GLEE,

    SHOW ME THINGS I HAVEN’T SEEN,

    BUT PLEASE DON’T SAY THINGS YOU DON’T MEAN…
    Last edited by rEikAbLeU; 03-07-2010 at 08:13 AM.
    "When You have eliminated the IMPOSSIBLE, whatever remains, however IMPROBABLE, must be the TRUTH" -Detective Conan



    "I'm not ready yet... It's been three years and I still can't greet him" -Hinata Hyuga

  2. #2
    The lonely wolf Howling Star has a reputation beyond repute Howling Star has a reputation beyond repute Howling Star has a reputation beyond repute Howling Star has a reputation beyond repute Howling Star has a reputation beyond repute Howling Star has a reputation beyond repute Howling Star has a reputation beyond repute Howling Star has a reputation beyond repute Howling Star has a reputation beyond repute Howling Star has a reputation beyond repute Howling Star has a reputation beyond repute Howling Star's Avatar
    Gil
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    Default

    I like it but I do not like it's flow.. Again blue interferes with blue. So try to take a better collor next time.=) Sorry for being such a critizier but I decided someone should do it!

  3. #3
    The Ramen Girl rEikAbLeU has a reputation beyond repute rEikAbLeU has a reputation beyond repute rEikAbLeU has a reputation beyond repute rEikAbLeU has a reputation beyond repute rEikAbLeU has a reputation beyond repute rEikAbLeU has a reputation beyond repute rEikAbLeU has a reputation beyond repute rEikAbLeU has a reputation beyond repute rEikAbLeU has a reputation beyond repute rEikAbLeU has a reputation beyond repute rEikAbLeU has a reputation beyond repute rEikAbLeU's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Howling Star View Post
    I like it but I do not like it's flow.. Again blue interferes with blue. So try to take a better collor next time.=) Sorry for being such a critizier but I decided someone should do it!

    thanks for the comment... sorry for the color, i'll change it...
    blue's my favorite so i try to use it often...
    ^^
    "When You have eliminated the IMPOSSIBLE, whatever remains, however IMPROBABLE, must be the TRUTH" -Detective Conan



    "I'm not ready yet... It's been three years and I still can't greet him" -Hinata Hyuga

  4. #4
    Junior Member Ancient is just really nice Ancient is just really nice Ancient is just really nice Ancient is just really nice Ancient is just really nice Ancient's Avatar
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    Default

    I liked this one as well... But the last line just doesn't seem to fit with the entire poem. Also I agree with Howling, the flow makes it sound a little rushed and continuous (Not really sure why, just how it sounds when I read it). Overall, not bad :-) ... Thanks for sharing!

  5. #5
    The Ramen Girl rEikAbLeU has a reputation beyond repute rEikAbLeU has a reputation beyond repute rEikAbLeU has a reputation beyond repute rEikAbLeU has a reputation beyond repute rEikAbLeU has a reputation beyond repute rEikAbLeU has a reputation beyond repute rEikAbLeU has a reputation beyond repute rEikAbLeU has a reputation beyond repute rEikAbLeU has a reputation beyond repute rEikAbLeU has a reputation beyond repute rEikAbLeU has a reputation beyond repute rEikAbLeU's Avatar
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    well, i don't know either why it seems off...

    but thanks for the comment...

    i'll do better next time... ^^
    "When You have eliminated the IMPOSSIBLE, whatever remains, however IMPROBABLE, must be the TRUTH" -Detective Conan



    "I'm not ready yet... It's been three years and I still can't greet him" -Hinata Hyuga

  6. #6
    Level: 4 Yoko Littner has a reputation beyond repute Yoko Littner has a reputation beyond repute Yoko Littner has a reputation beyond repute Yoko Littner has a reputation beyond repute Yoko Littner has a reputation beyond repute Yoko Littner has a reputation beyond repute Yoko Littner has a reputation beyond repute Yoko Littner has a reputation beyond repute Yoko Littner has a reputation beyond repute Yoko Littner has a reputation beyond repute Yoko Littner has a reputation beyond repute Yoko Littner's Avatar
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    Default

    I found it a bit shaky, and this can because of many reasons. Did you rush in making this poem? If not I'm sorry for thinking so : (

    Keep writing and if you ever need any suggestions just ask!
    Check out Anime Globe for the latest in anime reviews and anime news!


    ~Just my moe service to all of AF~

  7. #7
    boopaloop! Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys's Avatar
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    usually i rage on people who type in all caps, but it kind of worked for this. like it was a song where someone's yelling/really emotional.
    making emo kids[/URL] cry since 1998


  8. #8
    The Ramen Girl rEikAbLeU has a reputation beyond repute rEikAbLeU has a reputation beyond repute rEikAbLeU has a reputation beyond repute rEikAbLeU has a reputation beyond repute rEikAbLeU has a reputation beyond repute rEikAbLeU has a reputation beyond repute rEikAbLeU has a reputation beyond repute rEikAbLeU has a reputation beyond repute rEikAbLeU has a reputation beyond repute rEikAbLeU has a reputation beyond repute rEikAbLeU has a reputation beyond repute rEikAbLeU's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Miz View Post
    I found it a bit shaky, and this can because of many reasons. Did you rush in making this poem? If not I'm sorry for thinking so : (

    Keep writing and if you ever need any suggestions just ask!
    well, you're kinda right... this wasn't meant to be a poem, it's just supposed to be a shout out in one of my social network site, i think i wrote this in just 5 minutes... i just wrote what i thought... i really am not planning it as a poem, but it turned out to be ok, so i treated it as my poem...
    "When You have eliminated the IMPOSSIBLE, whatever remains, however IMPROBABLE, must be the TRUTH" -Detective Conan



    "I'm not ready yet... It's been three years and I still can't greet him" -Hinata Hyuga

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