Write flattering reviews of yourself

[Eris]

You know when like computer hardware makers write reviews about their own stuff and then they plaster them all over the internet so you can't find objective reviews of their junk, ... well. Do that. Except, review yourself.


"Eris is awesome. No matter what I do, Eris will either already have done it, or come around and do something 10 times better. I'm like... why do I even bother getting up in the morning. Why are there people other than Eris? We're like placeholders or something"

"11/10. Eris is the best person ever. A shining beacon of freshness and innovation in a world of boring people."

[poshyterra]

"silverwings1415 are by far the most amazing pair of sisters in the world. Together, 14 and 15 are truly unstoppable. Combine the cunning and intelligence of 15 with the creativity and toughness from 14 and you have one combo that will stand the test of time. Hell, I can't even best them in Halo."

"Five out of five stars. 40 out of 40. 10/10. The list of perfects continues... These two are the dynamic duo."

[Hakuchuumu]

"I highly recommend Hakuchuumu. She works hard, has great results, and does her best to meet or exceed expectations. She's also very flexible and can do a variety of work. On top of all this, she values her work pretty poorly, so you're almost always going to get a great deal!"

-- "10/10 - Excellent work, very quick, very cheap."

Lawlz.

My friend Ramsey also writes a review:
"Kirsten's a beast. Rawr. 9001/10"

[Skylar1]

Did you make this thread with me in mind by any chance? ;P
--

There have been many people in my day, but none by far have crossed my path as best as this "Eric" person. What a reslpendent being indeed. As many times as I think it through my mind, I still can't seem to sit still as I feel the utmost desire to Jump up and scream with exicitment. Even years after meeting such a majestic person, I sometimes find myself writing his name within my notes without even realising it.

So much has he done for us, words can not even begin to describe.

All across the lands from near to far, they cry his name "ERIC, ERIC, THE GREATEST ONE, ERIC".
There is only ONE score that could mesure his awesomeness:

∞/10

----

Even Urban dictionary agrees.

Eric-

The most amazing person in the entire universe. Everything about him is perfect! He's charming, handsome, intelligent, strong, romantic, funny...everything you want in a guy. It's impossible not to fall in love with him! Once you lay eyes on him, you will know from that very moment that you will never stop loving him.

[Eris]

"Grey, empty and meaningless. That was the world, until I met Eris. Eris doesn't bring my life purpose. Eris is so genuinely awesome, my life doesn't -need- a purpose. I value Eris more than the meaning of my existence."

[.Sev]

Now let me tell you about sev121993. He started out small, an honest hard working american farmer born in mississippi. He embraces the true american values that made this country great with a smile on his hardworking face. People have said many kind things about good old sev, many exact quotes going along the lines of "He is a man among women, and a women among men". He is proud of the fact that he has never raped anyone under the age of 22 (Except in Indiana, of course), and continues to shower his blessings upon those he tolerates. The rest received the punishment of the chain, but they probably deserved it.
All in all, sev is a true american hero, the kind of person you would go drinking with but never trust around your women and children.

CAUTION: Sev is extremely flammable, KEEP OUT OF REACH OF CHILDREN

2/10 POOR:
The dag blasted thing wouldn't keep running for more than 10 minutes, and the user interface is AWFUL. While it works half of the time, mostly it keeps making this screaching sound that gets my blood boiling! Not recommended.

1/10 WHAT WAS I THINKING??!?!?!?!?!
WHY DID I USE THIS WORTHLESS PEICE OF CRAP?!?!?!11?!?! WHAT A WAIST OF TIME!!!!11!!1!

1/10 THE AD IS A LIE
What american values?! He treated me like a half eaten sausage from a dog!

1/10 I'D RATHER EAT A RAT
AND I REALLY HATE THE TASTE OF RATS!!!

[Eris]

sev121993: If those are flattering reviews, I'd hate to imagine what an accurate one would sound like.

[John Watson]

A conceited girls' self-review? Alright, you asked for it.

"Let me tell you about Lali. She's the sweetest and cutest girl you'll ever know! She's always able to make people laugh and give good advice to them. If you ever need a person to hear you out about your problems, then she's your girl. Honest-to-God and sincere, Lali is an irreplacable friend."

She'll be your bestest friend for everest! =D

Easy on the eyes and fun loving, we give Lali a 10/10. <333~

[tenzo_groupie]

"Tenzo_groupie is hard-working, honest and caring with a sense of humour and will most likely make random comments whenever she feels like it. She knows almost anything and everything there is to know about Australian birds and constantly updating herself. She comes with her very own German Shepard.
Warning: She is not compatible with very boring english lectures"

[Miss Moonlight]

A self-review would not be complete without adding a lot of useless information that no one cares about.

"Since the dawn of existence, only one special person has stood between people and unhappiness.

Miss Moonlight, that is.

She's a shining, glistening beacon of hope. Without her in the world, people everywhere would sink into a deep, unfathomable hole of darkness and then start eating the legs off chairs. But she's here, so don't worry. Your chair legs are safe.

She also uses a little too much paprika in her tomato sauce. But then again, she's the spice of life, so it all works out in the end."

[unruley700]

thousands of people are asking "i'm in desperate need of a sexy fat man and i've nowhere to turn". these people are flocking to a new product, unruley700. he eats, he poops, and then he eats some more. there is nothing he can't do. need some back hair for that back hair knit hat you've been wanting to make?....just grab your unruley700 and shave away. i could go on all day, but here are some real life testimonials from people you know and trust:

tiger woods - "unruley700 is fabulous, i impregnated him 3 times and he was so awesome i never even asked him to have an abortion!"

charlie sheen - "this is the greatest fat man to have ever lived. i can kick the crap out of him on a daily basis and the body hair hides all the bruises, thanks unruley700"

iron fist eris - "yeah...i deleted a bunch of his posts."

[Sr Machinehead]

Machinehead is the best private technician for his price range. He never tells me to take my business elsewhere and has yet to mess up a job. for a price of ten to twenty bucks he is a lifesaver. definitely a genius in the making. I have never had to demand a refund and have never waited over a month for his work to be done. If Machinehead ever started a cooperation I would buy his stocks.

[Rolo Vi Britannia]

Rolo Vi Britannia is the greatest person in the world. He's so great that I don't even need friends. Rolo is better than friends. Rolo can cook, clean, repair, and is great at talking to people. Rolo is so handsome that I left my boyfriend because I realized what true beauty was. Forget your parents, I ditched them as soon as I got Rolo. I live in my car, and Rolo is there to warm me in the winter and cool me in the summer. He can do anything and everything better than anyone you've ever met before. I won't even eat something he hasn't cooked.
Now ask yourself, why haven't you tried Rolo today?

[Aku no Hikari]

Unlike all the people above, who all seem to be the greatest people in the world that it becomes meaningless to be also the greatest person in the world, AkuNoHikari is the ONLY person in this world. Everyone else in this world seems like just an NPC with poorly-written AI. (Or maybe with an AI that is written TO look poor. In that case, it's just perfect.)

AkuNoHikari's name alone is made of pure awesomeness that it shines like the goddamn sun in every thread he replies to!! So, NPC mortals... Be wary of being sun burnt while you're trying to reply to one of his awesome posts!!


Googolplex/10

[Gero50]

Gero50: Gero50 is very knowledgeable about computers and electronics. Whenever there is a issue with either you can get he'll be there to help or fix the problem. He also is developing home repair skills and by the time he finishes college he'll know a lot in that area as well.

[The Butcher]

"The Butcher works hard,and is a very smart guy.He always is prepared for every Debate/Argument he goes in to,but will not do stuff unless he KNOWS he can do it.He also enjoys undermining people."

Best I got.

[AnswerBAK]

"AnsweBAK is the new measure of greatness. You've heard of Eris, you've heard of MissMoonlight hell you've even heard of Gero50 but let me tell you folks nothing and I mean absolutely NOTHING will come close to AnswerBAK!!!!"

"AnswerBAK changed my life I used to wonder aimlessly through life until I found AnswerBAK but not anymore that was the old me he gave my lif purpose. We love you AnswerBAK"

Batteries not included, accesories sold seperately. Caution AnswerBAK may not be as described if for any reason you are not happy no refund will be distributed.

[Sephiroth]

"Sephiroth can be overclocked to 20 GHz on the stock fan and still be cool."

[LOVE STUFF]

"LoveStuff, most complex form of species, without Lovestuff there would be no Junkfood expert. Lovestuff characteristics are: honest, good will, awesomeness, Likes to party (weekend). Lovestuff loves food!"

Lovestuff famous quote:

"I'm the junkfood expert, boy!"

[Flah Blah]

Flah Blah is absolutely the best thing that has ever happened to the existence of this world. Without Flah Blah, life would not exist and natural selection would not be able to take its course. Flah Blah is the immense force that permits the universe to continue on expanding. Flah Blah is also the most epic platypus on this planet and will bring light to your soul.

There is no number in the world that exists that would not restrict the magnitude of Flah Blah's awesomeness therefore Flah Blah remains unrated.

WARNING: Flah Blah may be detrimental to your health because Flah Blah's epicness is too powerful to conceal that it may do some bodily harm to your person. Do not take Flah Blah with any form of hallucinogen for that is an insult to Flah Blah and that would distort the pure goodness that is Flah. Flah Blah should only be taken once a day. Side effects of taking Flah may include but are not limited to: nausea, heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach, diarrhea, depression, the need to break into song, and a receding hairline.

[Alphabet]

Put this on your resume?
"Moko can help you lose weight!"
Ahh I got nothing ._.
ooshy ooshy ooshy