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Thread: In The Shadows

  1. #1
    Stuck in Love's Capture Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara's Avatar
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    Default In The Shadows

    A poem I just wrote tonight. I hope everyone likes it. ^^


    In The Shadows

    Here in the shadows waiting
    Wondering what to do next
    Sitting here debating
    Dumbfounded and perplexed

    I'm sitting here alone
    Wishing someone would come
    But I should have known
    Things are starting to get numb

    Wishing I wasn't here but it's what must be
    I'm trapped here again, lost in thought
    Clinging to hope and what I see
    A shining light and its what I sought

    Time to come away from darkness
    Walking toward the light
    I notice you come and caress
    Now we hold each other tight

    Still being pulled back
    Numbing feeling coming to attack
    You hold me tight and my heart reacts
    So warm, nothing lacks


    I know it's awful >.<
    Last edited by Kaname Shikara; 02-27-2010 at 10:01 PM.

    Amazing set by
    Ezza Obsuna ^^

    The days fly by and the feelings remain
    So far away and causing us pain
    That's okay we'll make it through
    Soon we'll get to say "I love you"



  2. #2
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    it's good really good just one thing you have someone to pull you back from those dark shadow's remember that.
    ~ai~rox~

    Thanks teed for the site info

  3. #3
    Stuck in Love's Capture Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara's Avatar
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    Yes ^^ thank you.

    Amazing set by
    Ezza Obsuna ^^

    The days fly by and the feelings remain
    So far away and causing us pain
    That's okay we'll make it through
    Soon we'll get to say "I love you"



  4. #4
    Member ghostthegreat has a reputation beyond repute ghostthegreat has a reputation beyond repute ghostthegreat has a reputation beyond repute ghostthegreat has a reputation beyond repute ghostthegreat has a reputation beyond repute ghostthegreat has a reputation beyond repute ghostthegreat has a reputation beyond repute ghostthegreat has a reputation beyond repute ghostthegreat has a reputation beyond repute ghostthegreat has a reputation beyond repute ghostthegreat has a reputation beyond repute ghostthegreat's Avatar
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    Default

    I think it's really great, once again nice work. Only thing I would consider working on this time would be the last stanza. I like you threw off the rhyme scheme, this can have a powerful effect on the poem. Maybe add in a little more to emphasize this confusion? Or possibly make it a unified rhyme scheme (like a a a a) to show a sense of being pulled out of the shadows and into some sort of stability. And I would say after a few tweaks your poems are really very publishable. It's a shame that poetry is so unpopular in this country, really hurts great potential like yours from being broadcast to a wider audience.
    I need a new signature and I didn't know what to put, so I decided to throw this in.

    Also check out my blog at http://danielkamin.wordpress.com

  5. #5
    Stuck in Love's Capture Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara's Avatar
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    Wow o.o I'm really glad you think my poetry is close to being good enough to be published ^^ I'm going to fix the last stanza. Thank you for your comment.

    Amazing set by
    Ezza Obsuna ^^

    The days fly by and the feelings remain
    So far away and causing us pain
    That's okay we'll make it through
    Soon we'll get to say "I love you"



  6. #6
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    Sorry folks, Im sure everyone has missed my poem commenting! Well I guess I can do a few since I'm online.

    First of all, your starting to remind me of *Tsuki* in two major ways! Yes two, not one nor three. TWO.

    Your skilled, but then you think your awful at writing. Your not awful, your great and you know it. Alright?

    Your skilled, and I loved the poem : ) great work.
    Nonon Jakuzure - Best Kill la Kill bae
    Ota "The Cutest Otaku" 2016 - Lol, how's your account doing lately? Oh wait.
    Pretty damn great! #spoke2soon

  7. #7
    Stuck in Love's Capture Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara's Avatar
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    Thank you for your comment ^^ you should stay this time D:

    Amazing set by
    Ezza Obsuna ^^

    The days fly by and the feelings remain
    So far away and causing us pain
    That's okay we'll make it through
    Soon we'll get to say "I love you"



  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kirako Shima View Post
    Thank you for your comment ^^ you should stay this time D:
    Its no Prob, this is something I really like doing. I do it a lot in real life so I'm used to commenting on people's work.

    And maybe I will, maybe I won't. We'll see how the day and the week turns out.
    Nonon Jakuzure - Best Kill la Kill bae
    Ota "The Cutest Otaku" 2016 - Lol, how's your account doing lately? Oh wait.
    Pretty damn great! #spoke2soon

  9. #9
    Senior Member Gero50 has a reputation beyond repute Gero50 has a reputation beyond repute Gero50 has a reputation beyond repute Gero50 has a reputation beyond repute Gero50 has a reputation beyond repute Gero50 has a reputation beyond repute Gero50 has a reputation beyond repute Gero50 has a reputation beyond repute Gero50 has a reputation beyond repute Gero50 has a reputation beyond repute Gero50 has a reputation beyond repute Gero50's Avatar
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    This is good quite interesting. I really liked the comparative words you used.
    Gero Server Guru




  10. #10
    Stuck in Love's Capture Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara's Avatar
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    @Raiken, That's cool and I hope you stay. ^^

    @Gero, Thank you for your comment as well, I love it when people think my work is good. ^^

    Amazing set by
    Ezza Obsuna ^^

    The days fly by and the feelings remain
    So far away and causing us pain
    That's okay we'll make it through
    Soon we'll get to say "I love you"



  11. #11
    Artistic Muse Kirei Shijin has a reputation beyond repute Kirei Shijin has a reputation beyond repute Kirei Shijin has a reputation beyond repute Kirei Shijin has a reputation beyond repute Kirei Shijin has a reputation beyond repute Kirei Shijin has a reputation beyond repute Kirei Shijin has a reputation beyond repute Kirei Shijin has a reputation beyond repute Kirei Shijin has a reputation beyond repute Kirei Shijin has a reputation beyond repute Kirei Shijin has a reputation beyond repute Kirei Shijin's Avatar
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    This was very good.

    I like the abab rhyiming scheme better than aabb. But it's good that the last stanza is that way because it's different from the rest which puts emphasis on it. I'd watch out for the 1st stanza, 2nd line; the wording sounds strange. I'd just stick with "Wondering what to do next" That was by far the best stanza too in my opinion. Great job overall Kirako. ^^


  12. #12
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    Absolute
    Wonderful
    Enigmatic
    Superior
    Ominous
    Magnificent
    Enduring

    Fascinated by the rain, influenced by the wind. Adventure for fun.

  13. #13
    Stuck in Love's Capture Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara's Avatar
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    @Kirei, Thank you I took out the "on" in the stanza. I'm glad you liked it.

    @Anime-Prince, A-w-e-s-o-m-e lol. Someone has tried that with me before ^^ I'm glad you liked it too. ^^

    Amazing set by
    Ezza Obsuna ^^

    The days fly by and the feelings remain
    So far away and causing us pain
    That's okay we'll make it through
    Soon we'll get to say "I love you"



  14. #14
    Senior Member Anime-Prince has a reputation beyond repute Anime-Prince has a reputation beyond repute Anime-Prince has a reputation beyond repute Anime-Prince has a reputation beyond repute Anime-Prince has a reputation beyond repute Anime-Prince has a reputation beyond repute Anime-Prince has a reputation beyond repute Anime-Prince has a reputation beyond repute Anime-Prince has a reputation beyond repute Anime-Prince has a reputation beyond repute Anime-Prince has a reputation beyond repute Anime-Prince's Avatar
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    They wrote awesome as words that were about how good your poem was?
    Fascinated by the rain, influenced by the wind. Adventure for fun.

  15. #15
    Stuck in Love's Capture Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara's Avatar
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    Lol no about something different.

    Amazing set by
    Ezza Obsuna ^^

    The days fly by and the feelings remain
    So far away and causing us pain
    That's okay we'll make it through
    Soon we'll get to say "I love you"



  16. #16
    Senior Member noelynn1995900 has a reputation beyond repute noelynn1995900 has a reputation beyond repute noelynn1995900 has a reputation beyond repute noelynn1995900 has a reputation beyond repute noelynn1995900 has a reputation beyond repute noelynn1995900 has a reputation beyond repute noelynn1995900 has a reputation beyond repute noelynn1995900 has a reputation beyond repute noelynn1995900 has a reputation beyond repute noelynn1995900 has a reputation beyond repute noelynn1995900 has a reputation beyond repute noelynn1995900's Avatar
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    You're poem is really good. My poems can't compare to that.
    Roleplayer, gamer girl, band nerd, and ROTC cadet.
    You ain't got nothin' on me.

  17. #17
    Stuck in Love's Capture Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara's Avatar
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    Thank you, but don't put your work down, just practice. ^^

    Amazing set by
    Ezza Obsuna ^^

    The days fly by and the feelings remain
    So far away and causing us pain
    That's okay we'll make it through
    Soon we'll get to say "I love you"



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