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Thread: Translation - Fullmetal Alchemist (2009) - Golden Time Lover

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    Default Translation - Fullmetal Alchemist (2009) - Golden Time Lover

    So I'm bored, and I decided I'd submit a translation. I haven't done the translation test, but I have JLPT level 3 and a decent dictionary, so I'll give it a shot. Here's the URL: http://www.animelyrics.com/anime/fma...dentimelov.htm

    ----------------------------
    I can't concentrate, my body is still lost
    I was shaking, but I got control of myself
    Neither the sun nor the moon is turning towards me completely, but
    There's nothing to do but continue, mumbling to persuade them

    My condition is bad, but I have a gut feeling I shouldn't run away
    I have no foresight, but there's nothing to do but renew my courage
    While controlling my impulses, find the distance to my target
    The important thing is the threads of fate,
    Whether you taste the beauty of victory or the ugliness of defeat
    They turn the two into the pride of winning.

    My hands are flooded with the best golden time
    It was decided by my best poker face
    Drag me into the world of illusions

    The endless pressure game slipped through my fingers
    To jump over the border line of glory
    How much? What's the price?
    What won't you give up?

    Proof more than discussion, the one with results should be the winner
    Silence is banned. Given enough time it'll come out
    Carefully reading the flow with sharpened senses
    The average win ratio, some percentage of wins and losses,
    That's the real idea of the game
    Is the lurking shadow a devil?
    If I'm a man, I will challenge its readiness to scatter gracefully

    Adversity will clap hands and stand tall
    Fight your best against this new fighting style
    Pay attention! It's dangerous! Go beyond your limits!

    Cut the last fairy tale into history
    For the sake of showing off this all-encompassing instant,
    Are you ready? Throw away that wavering and muffling
    Climb the stairs of Babel

    Visualize your smile like a goddess
    Become obsessed with your charm
    While you're engrossed, I'll smash you!

    The urge in my heart grows, a limitless dream
    Nobody's going to stop me!

    My hands are flooded with the best golden time
    It was decided by my best poker face
    Drag me into the world of illusions

    The endless pressure game slipped through my fingers
    To jump over the border line of glory
    How much? What's the price?

    Adversity will clap hands and stand up
    Fight as hard as you can against it
    Attention! It's dangerous! Go beyond your limits!

    Cut the last fairy tale into history
    The amazing reversal will decide it spendidly
    Did you know? Fate is thing that steals
    At the top of Babel you can wash yourself in sunlight
    ---------------------------

    The only thing that seems off to me is the line "Adversity will...". I had no idea how to translate that line. I broke up the translation line-by-line, so if anyone has a better idea of how to translate that line, feel free to correct it.
    Last edited by Ertai87; 02-25-2010 at 01:49 AM.
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    I remember that day 'cause it's Sailor Mercury's birthday...or is it my mom's?

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    Well, I'm new here but sort of in the same boat (JLPT lv. 3 +), and since no-one else has replied yet I'll oblige if that's OK
    Coincidentally I've listened to this song about a thousand times over the last week and tried to translate it myself; while there are some things I did differently I guess that's just personal preference and yours seems good as far as I can tell (bearing in mind I'm no expert at all ^^).

    About the 'adversity' bit...I too noticed it's a little hard to translate; maybe it'd be more obvious without the gratuitous English? I had that line as 'clapping your hands in the face of adversity to cheer yourself up' or I guess 'make yourself cheer up' (originally I had 'clapping your hands in the face of adversity, mustering courage to stand tall' because of the unfamiliar '奮い立つ', but it made sense in the end...

    This probably isn't very much help, but I guess there are worse first posts I could have made


    In fact, for the heck of it, here's what I got; the second version is the revised one, but I've left the first in for completeness' sake.

    集中できてないな まだ体が迷っているんだ
    震えていたんじゃ コントロールしたってブレんだ
    太陽も勝負運(ツキ)もなんも 完全にこっち向いていないが
    やるしかないんだ 言い聞かせるように そうつぶやいた

    Unable to concentrate, my body is still hesitant
    It was trembling; the blurred thought 'I controlled it'
    The sun, the luck that dictates 'victory' or 'defeat'...nothing whatsoever is facing me, but
    'I've got to go for it'- I muttered, to give a warning

    I can't concentrate, my body is still hesitant
    It was trembling- the vague thought 'I controlled it'
    The sun, the luck that dictates 'victory' or 'defeat'...nothing is acknowedging me, but
    I mutter 'I've got to go for it' to persuade myself

    状況は悪いが ただ逃げ出すんじゃ根性ないな
    展望はないが 度胸でクリアするしかないや
    衝動は抑えたまま ターゲットとの間隔探れ
    必要なものは 勝つプライドを
    味わうのは勝利の美酒か それとも敗北の苦渋か
    そのすべては2つに1つ 操りたい運命の糸

    The situation's bad, but it's not in my nature to just run away
    Can't see a way out, but there's nothing for it except advancing with courage
    Suppressing impulses, searching for an opening on the target
    All that's needed is 'pride in victory'-
    Whether we taste the high-grade sake of 'triumph' or the bitterness of defeat,
    they're just two aspects of one thing; the thread of fate I wish to manipulate

    Although the situation's grim, I don't have the stomach to just run away
    I can't see how things will turn out, but all I can do is courageously advance
    Holding my instincts in check, searching the target for an opening
    The only thing you need is 'pride in victory'-
    Whether we taste the high-grade sake of 'triumph' or the bitterness of 'defeat',
    they're just two parts of the same thing: the thread of fate I wish to manipulate

    絶好のゴールデンタイム この手でつかめ
    渾身の ポーカーフェイス 決めて仕掛けるよ
    イリュージョンの世界へ 引きずり込んで

    The perfect 'golden time'- I'll grab it with these hands
    Putting everything into my poker face, it's the decisive strategy
    Dragged off to an illusory world

    The perfect 'golden time'; I'll seize it with these hands
    Giving my poker face everything I've got, this will be decided tactically
    Dragged away to an illusory world

    際限ないプレッシャーゲーム するりと抜けて
    栄光のボーダーライン 飛び越えるために
    ハウメニー? どれくらいの代償がいる?
    手放したくないのはどれ?

    Slipping away and escaping from a pressure game with no end,
    so I can clear the borderline of glory
    How many..? How many reparations must be made?
    How many things do you want to keep hold of?

    Escaping from this endless pressure game
    so I can clear the borderline of glory
    How many..? How many reparations must be made?
    What do you wish to avoid losing hold of?

    論より証拠なんだ 要は結果を出した者が勝者だ
    沈黙は禁だ 時がすぎればバレるんだ
    感覚を研ぎ澄まして 慎重に流れを読み取れ
    現状の勝率何パーセントを
    勝ち割るのは 現実のゲームセンス 
    潜む影法師は悪魔か
    男ならば 潔く散ってやるくらいの覚悟で挑め

    Evidence takes precedence over argument;
    the point is that whoever gets results is the victor
    Reticence is forbidden; if too much time is taken things can be exposed
    Senses are honed, read between the lines of the flow of discretion
    Right now, what's the chance of winning?
    What minimises victory is a game sense for reality
    Are the lurking, shadowy figures demons?
    If they're just men, resolve to bravely face the challenge of scattering them

    Evidence supercedes argument;
    the point is that whoever gets results is the victor
    You can't be reticent; if it takes too long we'll be discovered
    Reading between the lines of discretion with honed senses,
    What reduces our chance of winning right now
    is a game sense for reality
    Are the lurking, shadowy figures demons?
    If they're just men, resolve to bravely face the challenge of scattering them

    逆境の クラップ ユア ハンド 奮い立たせて
    斬新な ファイティングスタイル ギリギリを攻めろ
    アテンション 危ないぜ 限界超えて

    Clapping your hands in the face of adversity, mustering courage to stand tall
    Attacking at the last second with a unique fighting style
    Be alert- It's dangerous to surpass your limitations

    Clapping your hands to make yourself cheer up in adversity
    Attack at the last second with a unique fighting style
    Attention! It's dangerous; go beyond your limits

    最高の フェアリーテイル 歴史に刻め
    完勝の瞬間を 見せつける為に
    アーユーレディ? くぐもった迷いなど捨て
    バベルの階段を上がれ

    Carving the greatest fairy tale into history
    In order to present the moment of complete victory
    Are you ready? Dispense with hidden doubts,
    and climb the staircase of Babel

    Carve the greatest fairy tale into history
    to display this moment of complete victory
    Are you ready? Clear your mind of indecision
    and climb the staircase of Babel

    女神のように笑みを浮かべる
    君の魅力に捕り浸かれて
    誘われるまま落ちてゆく

    Smiling like a goddess
    I'm completely caught up in your charm
    Falling down in this state of temptation

    Assuming the smile of a goddess
    I'm subsumed by your charm
    Lured in like this, I fall

    心に住みついた欲望膨れ上がる果てなき夢
    誰も僕を止められない

    The limitless dream of desire residing in my heart grows
    Nobody can stop me

    The boundless dream of desire in my heart swells up;
    I won't be stopped by anyone

    絶好のゴールデンタイム この手で掴め
    渾身の ポーカーフェイス 決めて仕掛けるよ
    イリュージョンの世界へ 引きずり込んで

    The perfect 'golden time'- I'll grab it with these hands
    Putting everything into my poker face, it's the decisive strategy
    Dragged off to an illusory world

    The perfect 'golden time'; I'll seize it with these hands
    Giving my poker face everything I've got, this will be decided tactically
    Dragged away to an illusory world

    際限ないプレッシャーゲーム するりと抜けて
    栄光のボーダーライン 飛び越えるために
    ハウメニー? どれくらいの代償がいる?

    Slipping away and escaping from a pressure game with no end,
    so I can clear the borderline of glory
    How many..? How many reparations must be made?

    Escaping from this endless pressure game
    so I can clear the borderline of glory
    How many..? How many reparations must be made?

    逆境の クラップ ユア ハンド 奮い立たせて
    斬新な ファイティングスタイル ギリギリを攻めろ
    アテンション 危ないぜ 限界超えて

    Clapping your hands in the face of adversity, mustering courage to stand tall
    Attacking at the last second with a unique fighting style
    Be alert- It's dangerous to surpass your limitations

    Clapping your hands to make yourself cheer up in adversity
    Attack at the last second with a unique fighting style
    Attention! It's dangerous; go beyond your limits

    最高の フェアリーテイル 歴史に刻め
    驚愕の大逆転 華麗に決めるよ
    ドゥーユーノウ? 運命は奪い取るもの
    バベルの頂上に射す陽の光を浴びろ

    Carving the greatest fairy tale into history
    Finish it splendidly with a shocking turn-around
    Do you know? Fate steals from us
    Bask in the shining light at Babel's summit

    Carve the greatest fairy tale into history
    Snatch victory from the jaws of defeat and finish it magnificently
    Do you know? Fate is a plunderer
    Bathe in the glowing sun's light at Babel's summit


    Hope this doesn't come across as 'riding your coat-tails' or anything, just thought I might as well see if it could be of any use.
    Last edited by Ashiyura; 02-28-2010 at 12:41 PM.

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    I don't have time to look over the translation just now, but I wanted to say that if you've passed the JLPT3 you should be able to pass the translation test no problem. You'll need to if you plan on actually submitting your lyrics to the site, anyway.

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    Passing is one thing, but even knowing how to identify verb forms and space romaji well is another...

    Ashiyura, your submission reeks of inconsistency; full-stops are here and there, capitalisation on the first word of the line are haphazard too (even some lines are uncapitalised after a full-stop). It's either one or the other, can you make up your mind about this?

    祝! 『禁断の病棟』 アニメ化!

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    Certainly; no problem. I definitely see your point, but I didn't intend for it to be submitted in this form or anything; it was just for comparison with the OP's version. Actually, until it was pointed out that the OP wasn't able to post his version, I wasn't going to bother with mine. Still, now I know the ropes a little better, in future I'll make sure I have everything sorted before posting here, just to make things more clear/ properly done in the ideal manner

    Hopefully I can continue to improve- I did notice while working on this one how difficult it was at times to decide what exactly constituted one sentence or another, something I generally have no trouble with when working on manga translations or otherwise. I suppose it's due to the nature of song lyrics?

    One thing I did notice- after going over the translation and correcting capitals/ punctuation- was that although it was accepted and is now up on the site, there seems to have been some kind of formatting error which prevents quotation marks from coming up properly; that and it seems to have left off full-stops at the end of paragraphs, which I'd checked just before submission. I don't know if this can be rectified, but I thought it was worth mentioning so it didn't go unnoticed for too long. Thanks for your advice, AzureDark, it helps a lot to have things like this pointed out

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    I fixed the quotation marks, but the full-stops weren't there from the beginning, that's why I noticed it in the queue and wrote the reply.

    祝! 『禁断の病棟』 アニメ化!

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    Ah, right; I mistakenly believed you were referring to the translation as it was in this thread (also I didn't register that you were the one who checked submissions)- sorry about the confusion. Thanks for the quotation mark correction; as for the full stops, as you say if they weren't there I must somehow have missed them, which thanks to your replies I shan't be doing in future

    Did you also correct the capitalisations you mentioned before, because looking at the lyrics on the site I cannot see any instances of uncapitalised letters following full stops (although as you point out there are indeed instances of capitalised letters following an omitted full stop- which again, thanks to your earlier reply, I will avoid in future)? For that matter, nor do I find any instances of this in the word document from which I copied the text onto the site, so I'd appreciate clarification on this point. The only thing I can assume you are referring to is uncapitalised letters following semi-colons, but since that's not an error I'm somewhat confused. Thanks again.

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    Okay what you can do now is to give me, right now, the full and fixed translation. I'm not gonna take it from your previous post because it's too much work.

    祝! 『禁断の病棟』 アニメ化!

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    There would be no point taking it from that long post anyway, as it was revised since then prior to submission. At any rate, sorry you got dragged into helping me out, but you seemed to be the guy with all the answers based on your critique; thanks for the help nonetheless

    This is the finished version. There are definitely no missing full stops- or uncapitalized letters following full stops- and so therefore hopefully it's now up to scratch. Given that I don't know what caused the formatting error with the quotation marks before, it's likely it'll happen again, but as I said that's out of my control.


    I can’t concentrate; my body is still hesitant.
    It was trembling, but the blurry thought comes- ‘I controlled it’.
    Nothing is facing my way- not the sun, nor the luck dictating ‘victory’ or ‘defeat’, but
    I muttered ‘I’ve got to go for it’ to persuade myself.

    The situation looks grim, but it’s gutless to just run away.
    I can’t see how things will end, but all I can do is courageously advance,
    hold my instincts in check, and search the target for an opening.
    The only thing you need is ‘pride in victory’-
    whether we taste the high-grade sake of ‘triumph’ or the bitterness of ‘defeat’,
    they’re just two parts of the same thing: the thread of fate I wish to manipulate.

    The perfect ‘golden time’- I’ll seize it with these hands;
    finish this by battling with a poker face that takes everything I’ve got.
    Dragged away to an illusory world.

    Escaping from this endless pressure game
    so I can clear the borderline of glory.
    How many..? How many reparations must be made?
    What do you wish to avoid losing hold of?

    Evidence supersedes argument;
    the fact is that whoever gets results is the victor.
    You can't be reticent; if things take too long we'll be discovered.
    Read between the lines of discretion with honed senses;
    what reduces our chance of winning right now
    is a game sense based in reality.
    Are the lurking, shadowy figures demons?
    If they're just men, resolve to bravely face the challenge of scattering them.

    Clapping your hands to make yourself cheer up in adversity,
    attack at the last second with a unique fighting style.
    Attention! It's dangerous; go beyond your limits.

    Carve the greatest fairy tale into history
    to display this moment of complete victory.
    Are you ready? Clear your mind of indecision
    and climb the staircase of Babel.

    As you assume the smile of a goddess
    I'm subsumed by your charm.
    Lured in like this, I fall.

    The boundless dream of desire in my heart swells up;
    I won't be stopped by anyone.

    The perfect ‘golden time’- I’ll seize it with these hands;
    finish this by battling with a poker face that takes everything I’ve got.
    Dragged away to an illusory world.

    Escaping from this endless pressure game
    so I can clear the borderline of glory.
    How many..? How many reparations must be made?

    Clapping your hands to make yourself cheer up in adversity,
    attack at the last second with a unique fighting style.
    Attention! It's dangerous; go beyond your limits.

    Carve the greatest fairy tale into history,
    snatch victory from the jaws of defeat and finish it magnificently.
    Do you know? Fate is a plunderer.
    Bathe in the glowing sunlight at Babel's summit.
    Last edited by Ashiyura; 03-04-2010 at 07:53 PM.

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    PSN ID: azutsukimiya

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    There would be no point taking it from that long post anyway, as it was revised since then prior to submission.
    I assumed you would be editing that post.

    Given that I don't know what caused the formatting error with the quotation marks before, it's likely it'll happen again, but as I said that's out of my control.
    It's because you're using ‘ (lsquo) and ’ (rsquo) instead of ' (apos). Lyrics are stored in the system in plaintext charset, which makes these symbols (and similarly as you can imagine special accented characters like (aacute) and kanji along with derived S-JIS characters) pretty much screwed up when re-read and displayed.

    To make them display right, I have to refer to a unicode chart and replace those symbols with its appropriate escape sequence.

    How about improving the system by replacing the storage format? I wouldn't want that because it will remove an important functionality that is only available in plaintext, which is the use of double-spacing. I just laugh at people copying my stuff to HTML-type fields that strip off the double spaces and make some of my work incomprehensible.
    Last edited by AzureDark; 03-04-2010 at 09:20 PM.

    祝! 『禁断の病棟』 アニメ化!

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