The Day After Love

[lunarangel]

THE DAY AFTER LOVE


Its a cold,hollow day
There is emptiness all around
And there is nothing I can say
I hoped for the love to stay
I hoped for you to never go away
With you I was happy,joyful and gay
On that lovely Valentines day
But now the love is gone
And there is nothing I can say
To bring us back together
So here on the bed we lay
Looking at the ceiling up above
There is no hope for us
After the day of love

Just writing my first poem ever and I would love to here your opinions on it .

[ultra_maniac]

nice poem sweet gesture to it
just few mistakes

And a chilling wind coming ower way * make it over *

And they is nothing I can say *It should be there*

[lunarangel]

thanx for the advice.

[Kaname Shikara]

Nice poem it has a sad and forgotten feel to it. You're good so keep writing please. ^^

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THE DAY AFTER LOVE


Its a cold,hollow day
There is emptyness all around
And they is nothing I can say
I hoped for the love to stay
I hoped for you to never go away
With you I was happy,joyful and gay
On that lovely Valentines day
But now the love is gone
And they is nothing I can say
To bring us back together
So here on the bed we lay
Looking at the roof top up above
They is no hope for us
After the day of love

Just writing my first poem ever and I would love to here your opinions on it .

Those are the mistakes in the poem. Careful now, a poem has got to be perfect grammatically and without these careless spelling and word mistakes. The poem was decent and okay for your first try. It felt monotonous and especially so because of the rhyming. Its like the rhyming was abused. Rhymes are good for poems but a poems doesn't necessarily need rhymes to make it good. Keep writing and reading lunar. And a happy lunar new year to you. ^^

[lunarangel]

Thanx you guys and I promise I will do better next time .