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Thread: Greed is the Enemy

  1. #1
    The Fallen Wanderer The Rogue Devil has a reputation beyond repute The Rogue Devil has a reputation beyond repute The Rogue Devil has a reputation beyond repute The Rogue Devil has a reputation beyond repute The Rogue Devil has a reputation beyond repute The Rogue Devil has a reputation beyond repute The Rogue Devil has a reputation beyond repute The Rogue Devil has a reputation beyond repute The Rogue Devil has a reputation beyond repute The Rogue Devil has a reputation beyond repute The Rogue Devil has a reputation beyond repute The Rogue Devil's Avatar
    Gil
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    Default Greed is the Enemy

    Greed is the enemy of any land
    once you start taking you'll always want more
    when you don't have something, you take it from another's hand
    you never think of what's in store
    the consequences are dire
    yet you still want more
    your actions will never inspire
    you think of it as a chore
    You will hurt the ones you love
    yet you smirk and don't care
    they will fly away like doves
    you won't even be aware
    think before you want what you can't get
    it will only lead you down the wrong path
    Greed is never heaven sent
    you will feel your enemies wrath


    Trusting a person is giving someone the ability to destroy you, but at the same time being confident the he/she won't.......

    Project Chaos link below.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I5CyAAMyFKE


  2. #2
    Stuck in Love's Capture Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara's Avatar
    Gil
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    Default

    o.o this has a strong feel to it. Its a good poem ^^

    Amazing set by
    Ezza Obsuna ^^

    The days fly by and the feelings remain
    So far away and causing us pain
    That's okay we'll make it through
    Soon we'll get to say "I love you"



  3. #3
    The Fallen Wanderer The Rogue Devil has a reputation beyond repute The Rogue Devil has a reputation beyond repute The Rogue Devil has a reputation beyond repute The Rogue Devil has a reputation beyond repute The Rogue Devil has a reputation beyond repute The Rogue Devil has a reputation beyond repute The Rogue Devil has a reputation beyond repute The Rogue Devil has a reputation beyond repute The Rogue Devil has a reputation beyond repute The Rogue Devil has a reputation beyond repute The Rogue Devil has a reputation beyond repute The Rogue Devil's Avatar
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    Default

    thanks Kirako, I thought no one would even look at my poem


    Trusting a person is giving someone the ability to destroy you, but at the same time being confident the he/she won't.......

    Project Chaos link below.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I5CyAAMyFKE


  4. #4
    Kirako's medic soldier Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com's Avatar
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    Default

    It was a good try. The rhythm was inconsistent and it had a messy flow to it.
    The middle part was good and i like how you went with it but the whole poem is in disarray. It's a good try lad.

  5. #5
    The Fallen Wanderer The Rogue Devil has a reputation beyond repute The Rogue Devil has a reputation beyond repute The Rogue Devil has a reputation beyond repute The Rogue Devil has a reputation beyond repute The Rogue Devil has a reputation beyond repute The Rogue Devil has a reputation beyond repute The Rogue Devil has a reputation beyond repute The Rogue Devil has a reputation beyond repute The Rogue Devil has a reputation beyond repute The Rogue Devil has a reputation beyond repute The Rogue Devil has a reputation beyond repute The Rogue Devil's Avatar
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    Default

    thanks for the criticism but I didn't really try on it. It just came from the heart


    Trusting a person is giving someone the ability to destroy you, but at the same time being confident the he/she won't.......

    Project Chaos link below.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I5CyAAMyFKE


  6. #6
    SABER-lover -P.N.- has a reputation beyond repute -P.N.- has a reputation beyond repute -P.N.- has a reputation beyond repute -P.N.- has a reputation beyond repute -P.N.- has a reputation beyond repute -P.N.- has a reputation beyond repute -P.N.- has a reputation beyond repute -P.N.- has a reputation beyond repute -P.N.- has a reputation beyond repute -P.N.- has a reputation beyond repute -P.N.- has a reputation beyond repute -P.N.-'s Avatar
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by The Rogue Devil View Post
    thanks Kirako, I thought no one would even look at my poem

    I am looking at it.
    Messy, but readable.
    Currently on Chapter 11 FFXIII oh.. and FAT PRINCESS is a fun game haha.
    "Hoa đẹp l hoa c gai, gi đẹp l gi ph thai nhiều lần."



    My fav:
    GTO.
    Clannad (and after story of course).
    Toradora.
    Hajime no Ippo

  7. #7
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    Default

    This isn't a bad poem but it could use a bit more work.

    I liked the rhyming for the most part which was good for the flow but it almost seemed a bit forced to me at some points.

    You did a good job describing Greed, that's something I definitely wouldn't change.

    Good job overall. Just remember, with every poem you write, the more you'll improve!


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