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Thread: Hated by those who know me not.

  1. #1
    La Nouvelle Lune NaitoTenshi has a reputation beyond repute NaitoTenshi has a reputation beyond repute NaitoTenshi has a reputation beyond repute NaitoTenshi has a reputation beyond repute NaitoTenshi has a reputation beyond repute NaitoTenshi has a reputation beyond repute NaitoTenshi has a reputation beyond repute NaitoTenshi has a reputation beyond repute NaitoTenshi has a reputation beyond repute NaitoTenshi has a reputation beyond repute NaitoTenshi has a reputation beyond repute NaitoTenshi's Avatar
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    Default Hated by those who know me not.

    Hated by those who know me not.

    A faintly herd scream of despair
    Shatters not even the strongest of the hearing
    Timidly offering no justice to a lost orpahn.

    Awakening to a desperate attempt at life
    Showering in reget and angish...
    To answer your question, "No."

    Destruction seemingly fades into shades of light blue
    As your empty heart foreshadows the days to come
    I asked no question, but yet recieved a response;

    Shadows dance on your face
    And yet there is no sunlight...
    but battered you are...not in focus you seek.

    A revelation awakens a moment to late
    For now the path chosen isnt the path you can take
    A door has been nailed, foresaking your exists;

    And yet you still hear the angels
    Creeping, crawling, and getting closer.
    But angels dont creep...

    A shinny new nickle, a pretty new penny
    Can buy you nothing; Even pitty cost more...
    So you lay there wanting nothing more but death

    He will not come for you now.
    And stilll your life has yet to find meaning
    Or at least to you.

    How can you offer help
    When it is in constant demand of your own being.
    Filmsy, faint, and feeble

    To no end you find your peace
    Once you rest your head on scattered sheep
    With a sign that reads "Will work to sleep"...


    This poem is dedicated to a homeless man that changed my life, and i didnt get to chance to return the favor...may his soul find better peace than his life provided!
    Last edited by NaitoTenshi; 01-22-2010 at 08:52 AM.
    ^^^SiGGY BY Bayamesa^^^
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  2. #2
    Kirako's medic soldier Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com's Avatar
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    It is a good poem though its very subtle and i can vaguely get what the poem is saying. That's what i think. I know there are others who disagree. It's not a bad poem but i can't appreciate it as much as i would like to.

  3. #3
    Stuck in Love's Capture Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara's Avatar
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    It was a great poem but it was a little sloppy. Don't let that get you down though ^^ you did a good job so keep it up

    Amazing set by
    Ezza Obsuna ^^

    The days fly by and the feelings remain
    So far away and causing us pain
    That's okay we'll make it through
    Soon we'll get to say "I love you"



  4. #4
    La Nouvelle Lune NaitoTenshi has a reputation beyond repute NaitoTenshi has a reputation beyond repute NaitoTenshi has a reputation beyond repute NaitoTenshi has a reputation beyond repute NaitoTenshi has a reputation beyond repute NaitoTenshi has a reputation beyond repute NaitoTenshi has a reputation beyond repute NaitoTenshi has a reputation beyond repute NaitoTenshi has a reputation beyond repute NaitoTenshi has a reputation beyond repute NaitoTenshi has a reputation beyond repute NaitoTenshi's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kirako Shima View Post
    It was a great poem but it was a little sloppy. Don't let that get you down though ^^ you did a good job so keep it up
    Its almost like a storyline of his life...or how so i felt it as he told me, umm it is VERY complex in the sense that it uses many metaphors and faint destribtions to clearify his surroundings but its just basically saying that when he was young, he was an orphan who didnt get any chance at a normal life (or so he thought) and as a homeless man he went through so much but at the end it made him realize that he was happy to be alive; i dont know if that will help you better understand it, but thats the jist of it! lol thanks for your feedback!

    Quote Originally Posted by Nightixu@hotmail.com View Post
    It is a good poem though its very subtle and i can vaguely get what the poem is saying. That's what i think. I know there are others who disagree. It's not a bad poem but i can't appreciate it as much as i would like to.
    Sloppy is sorta the theme i was going for! lol Its how i sensed his story...a sloppy chaos in a gentle lined vase! comlicated to understand but still beautiful! anywhoo thanks for thee feedback!
    ^^^SiGGY BY Bayamesa^^^
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  5. #5
    Kirako's medic soldier Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com's Avatar
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    Thank you. It helps me understand it tremendously now and appreciate it even more. Thank you for that commentary. After reading the poem once again, it does look like a really good poem. BUT it still has a few careless mistakes.

  6. #6
    Stuck in Love's Capture Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara's Avatar
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    When I read it I knew the meaning but the few mistakes just made it look a little sloppy >.< It's not bad. Like you said that's the way you wanted it to be and it's a wonderful poem

    Amazing set by
    Ezza Obsuna ^^

    The days fly by and the feelings remain
    So far away and causing us pain
    That's okay we'll make it through
    Soon we'll get to say "I love you"



  7. #7
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    Thanks for all the feedback! I take those things to note!
    ^^^SiGGY BY Bayamesa^^^
    Join my RPG!!!

  8. #8
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    Okay getting better. I'm glad I'm now able too see more of your poems and not just a couple because now I can really rate them.

    It had a decent flow and I liked your reasoning by the poem. Excellent topic and now all you need too do is a couple touch up on mistakes and you'll be all but ready.
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