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Thread: Departure

  1. #1
    Kirako's medic soldier Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com's Avatar
    Gil
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    Default Departure

    From the heavens above flew a pretty dove;
    White and pure. That i might see it right
    In my sight on a moonlit night; Such rarity
    I much agree to myself. Of all the things i love
    And hold dear, is of God's creation from here
    To foreverwhere; And full of cheer i be,
    Rid with fear of death as all life to me is beauty.
    But steady are those greedy, who already
    Live better off than those needy, but demand more
    For their pleasure; Ignoring the toils and sorrows
    Of hardworking dogs who live like a rag-and-bone.
    The moon is soon set but darkness remains
    And the light i shall never see; nor will it see me.
    For this dove has come, an omen i believe;
    To paradise i shall be received, free from my grief
    And my body so bone-like already, when my heart
    Stops its beat and my breath breathes into silence


    The 'Foreverwhere' isn't a word but just something of mine i decided to use. A mix of forever and everywhere. So you don't have to point it out ^^

  2. #2
    La Nouvelle Lune NaitoTenshi has a reputation beyond repute NaitoTenshi has a reputation beyond repute NaitoTenshi has a reputation beyond repute NaitoTenshi has a reputation beyond repute NaitoTenshi has a reputation beyond repute NaitoTenshi has a reputation beyond repute NaitoTenshi has a reputation beyond repute NaitoTenshi has a reputation beyond repute NaitoTenshi has a reputation beyond repute NaitoTenshi has a reputation beyond repute NaitoTenshi has a reputation beyond repute NaitoTenshi's Avatar
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    Default

    This poem is very good
    Although the meaning was hidden at first, i soon understood the entire thing by the end of it!
    GOOD JOB!
    Keep it up!
    ^^^SiGGY BY Bayamesa^^^
    Join my RPG!!!

  3. #3
    Keeping Score Without The Music Yoko Littner has a reputation beyond repute Yoko Littner has a reputation beyond repute Yoko Littner has a reputation beyond repute Yoko Littner has a reputation beyond repute Yoko Littner has a reputation beyond repute Yoko Littner has a reputation beyond repute Yoko Littner has a reputation beyond repute Yoko Littner has a reputation beyond repute Yoko Littner has a reputation beyond repute Yoko Littner has a reputation beyond repute Yoko Littner has a reputation beyond repute Yoko Littner's Avatar
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    Gamertag: NanoEdge EX

    Default

    Pretty cool, with a decent mixture of flow in there. I liked your idea, but I still know you can do a tad better than this. By the way, don't think I didn't like it! Cause I did.

    Other Comments :
    - Try to leave spaces between your lines because it will make it easier to read.
    Check out Anime Globe for the latest in anime reviews and anime news!


    ~Alice Carroll reading articles on Anime Globe~


  4. #4
    Captain No Pants Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki.'s Avatar
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    Default

    That was really fun to read. ^^
    Even reading your last part that wasn't the poem,
    I was still readin' it like I did the poem. xD

    Glad you posted it, and thanks for sharing. ^_^
    Can't wait to see more. =D


  5. #5
    Stuck in Love's Capture Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara's Avatar
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    Default

    You did an awesome job!! it created a very descriptive picture while I was reading it. I couldn't take my eyes off of it so I read it 6 times before moving. I loved it brother!

    Amazing set by
    Ezza Obsuna ^^

    The days fly by and the feelings remain
    So far away and causing us pain
    That's okay we'll make it through
    Soon we'll get to say "I love you"



  6. #6
    Kirako's medic soldier Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com's Avatar
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    Default

    Weee-eee-eell .....
    You know you make me wanna shout! Kick my heels up and shout! Throw my hands up and shout! Throw my head back and shout! XD

    Thank you Naito-kun, Mike DA MIZ!!, Tsuki-san and Kirako-chan ^^
    You don't know how much your feedback means to me. I am grateful for them and i wholeheartedly appreciate it. And of course, i will reflect on your comments and suggestions.

    I want you to know
    I said i want you to know right now Yeah!
    You been good to me guys
    Better than i've been to myself Hey! Hey!
    Haha. Thats the song Green day covered in their concert and i just cant get it outta my head. @_@

  7. #7
    Stuck in Love's Capture Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara's Avatar
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    Default

    You're an awesome poet so you deserve every bit of praise
    Last edited by Kaname Shikara; 01-21-2010 at 01:06 AM. Reason: Heh o.o;; not thinking

    Amazing set by
    Ezza Obsuna ^^

    The days fly by and the feelings remain
    So far away and causing us pain
    That's okay we'll make it through
    Soon we'll get to say "I love you"



  8. #8
    Kirako's medic soldier Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kirako Shima View Post
    Your an awesome poet so you deserve every bit of praise
    ^^ you think so? If there's at least one person and it's Kirako-chan no less, that thinks i'm an awesome poet, then i am happy and content and also filled with such pride. Heee eey! Heee eeey!

  9. #9
    Stuck in Love's Capture Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara's Avatar
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    I still have much to learn though. All of your poems have spoke to me ^^ so keep it up

    Amazing set by
    Ezza Obsuna ^^

    The days fly by and the feelings remain
    So far away and causing us pain
    That's okay we'll make it through
    Soon we'll get to say "I love you"



  10. #10
    Artistic Muse Kirei Shijin has a reputation beyond repute Kirei Shijin has a reputation beyond repute Kirei Shijin has a reputation beyond repute Kirei Shijin has a reputation beyond repute Kirei Shijin has a reputation beyond repute Kirei Shijin has a reputation beyond repute Kirei Shijin has a reputation beyond repute Kirei Shijin has a reputation beyond repute Kirei Shijin has a reputation beyond repute Kirei Shijin has a reputation beyond repute Kirei Shijin has a reputation beyond repute Kirei Shijin's Avatar
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    Wow! you keep on getting better and better! I love the way you words things, it's so beautiful!! Simply amazing! What really amazed me was the line; "The moon is soon set but darkness remains
    And the light i shall never see; nor will it see me."


  11. #11
    Stuck in Love's Capture Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kirei22 View Post
    Wow! you keep on getting better and better! I love the way you words things, it's so beautiful!! Simply amazing! What really amazed me was the line; "The moon is soon set but darkness remains
    And the light i shall never see; nor will it see me."
    I loved that line too Kirei! Lol

    Amazing set by
    Ezza Obsuna ^^

    The days fly by and the feelings remain
    So far away and causing us pain
    That's okay we'll make it through
    Soon we'll get to say "I love you"



  12. #12
    Artistic Muse Kirei Shijin has a reputation beyond repute Kirei Shijin has a reputation beyond repute Kirei Shijin has a reputation beyond repute Kirei Shijin has a reputation beyond repute Kirei Shijin has a reputation beyond repute Kirei Shijin has a reputation beyond repute Kirei Shijin has a reputation beyond repute Kirei Shijin has a reputation beyond repute Kirei Shijin has a reputation beyond repute Kirei Shijin has a reputation beyond repute Kirei Shijin has a reputation beyond repute Kirei Shijin's Avatar
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    I knew you'd like that Kirako, seeing as we're twins and all.


  13. #13
    Kirako's medic soldier Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kirei22 View Post
    Wow! you keep on getting better and better! I love the way you words things, it's so beautiful!! Simply amazing!
    And that's the bottom line....Cos Kirei SAID SO!! YEA!
    Those 2 sentences have blown my head up so big like a balloon.
    Call the police cos here comes balloon boy number 2.
    Hee eeey! Hee eeey!

  14. #14
    Ruler of Fire ultra_maniac has a reputation beyond repute ultra_maniac has a reputation beyond repute ultra_maniac has a reputation beyond repute ultra_maniac has a reputation beyond repute ultra_maniac has a reputation beyond repute ultra_maniac has a reputation beyond repute ultra_maniac has a reputation beyond repute ultra_maniac has a reputation beyond repute ultra_maniac has a reputation beyond repute ultra_maniac has a reputation beyond repute ultra_maniac has a reputation beyond repute ultra_maniac's Avatar
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    I pretty much remember the post of Three hermit's you saying want to write a poem of hidden beauty
    and you made all the af member's proud bro
    Its is simply awesome and beautiful fantastic
    ~ai~rox~

    Thanks teed for the site info

  15. #15
    Kirako's medic soldier Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ultra_maniac View Post
    I pretty much remember the post of Three hermit's you saying want to write a poem of hidden beauty
    and you made all the af member's proud bro
    Its is simply awesome and beautiful fantastic
    Hey hey hey! Look who's returned? Thank you ultra maniac. I've grown a much by reading all your poems and everyone else.

  16. #16
    Ruler of Fire ultra_maniac has a reputation beyond repute ultra_maniac has a reputation beyond repute ultra_maniac has a reputation beyond repute ultra_maniac has a reputation beyond repute ultra_maniac has a reputation beyond repute ultra_maniac has a reputation beyond repute ultra_maniac has a reputation beyond repute ultra_maniac has a reputation beyond repute ultra_maniac has a reputation beyond repute ultra_maniac has a reputation beyond repute ultra_maniac has a reputation beyond repute ultra_maniac's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nightixu@hotmail.com View Post
    Hey hey hey! Look who's returned? Thank you ultra maniac. I've grown a much by reading all your poems and everyone else.
    ya it's good to be back .
    and i totally say you proved you are one of the best in the world .
    ~ai~rox~

    Thanks teed for the site info

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