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Thread: ♥♥♥You'll Always remain in my heart♥♥♥

  1. #1
    Senior Member Angel Yumi has a reputation beyond repute Angel Yumi has a reputation beyond repute Angel Yumi has a reputation beyond repute Angel Yumi has a reputation beyond repute Angel Yumi has a reputation beyond repute Angel Yumi has a reputation beyond repute Angel Yumi has a reputation beyond repute Angel Yumi has a reputation beyond repute Angel Yumi has a reputation beyond repute Angel Yumi has a reputation beyond repute Angel Yumi has a reputation beyond repute Angel Yumi's Avatar
    Gil
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    Default ♥♥♥You'll Always remain in my heart♥♥♥

    It's so hard to say "I Love You", and not draw back in tears
    It's so hard to know that your not there to help me face my fears
    It's so hard to answer the calls from my phone, not knowing it's not your voice
    It's so hard to see you laughing when I'm crying deep inside
    It's so hard to fall in love again when I'm still in love with you
    It's so hard to let go of the feelings I felt for you
    It's so hard to think that you might fall in love with someone new
    It's so hard not to cry about the memories we have shared together
    It's so hard to know that you will confide with someone else who isn't me
    It's so hard to move on when there so much to say
    It's so hard to think and wonder, where did I go wrong?
    How can it be wrong? When it feels so right.







    I dedicate this poem to my ex-boyfriend who broke my heart twice and until now I still love him. All I can say is:
    "Letting go isn't giving up, it's accepting that some things aren't meant to be"
    Last edited by OminousCloud; 12-09-2010 at 12:29 AM. Reason: removed colours

  2. #2
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    Gil
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    Default

    nice poem and good thought in words efficiently used and you can do better keep it up
    ~ai~rox~

    Thanks teed for the site info

  3. #3
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    Default

    It was a good poem.

    Amazing set by
    Ezza Obsuna ^^

    The days fly by and the feelings remain
    So far away and causing us pain
    That's okay we'll make it through
    Soon we'll get to say "I love you"



  4. #4
    Senior Member Gero50 has a reputation beyond repute Gero50 has a reputation beyond repute Gero50 has a reputation beyond repute Gero50 has a reputation beyond repute Gero50 has a reputation beyond repute Gero50 has a reputation beyond repute Gero50 has a reputation beyond repute Gero50 has a reputation beyond repute Gero50 has a reputation beyond repute Gero50 has a reputation beyond repute Gero50 has a reputation beyond repute Gero50's Avatar
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    Default Re: ♥♥♥You'll Always remain in my heart♥♥♥

    Very nice work, and I see the message perfectly.
    Gero Server Guru




  5. #5
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    Default Re: ♥♥♥You'll Always remain in my heart♥♥♥

    The concept and message of the poem is great... however, I have an issue reading it. Most of the time I stay away from reading poetry because to me Poetry has to have a rythm. It follows a beat.
    In this poem there really isn't a beat.

    Take the first two lines. They are flowing and well written, they have a steady and rythmic beat. The rhyme does help but isn't the reason I find there is a flow, the syllables match and you can picture yourself reading it in tune with the beat of a drum or the ticking of a metronome. It's a flow thing.
    Then you stopped that beat and switched it up.

    I find most times when writing poetry (which I tend not to do much of because I myself have issues with the beat.) is that if the first two lines rhyme, there needs to be a rhyming pattern.
    There are great poems that don't rhyme though so please don't think I believe all poetry should rhyme.

    What you have written is a great amount of expression of how you feel but it's not quite a poem yet. I would suggest taking a look at it and reworking some of the lines to follow a steady pace. Most poems have some sort of pattern to them otherwise they are not really poems so much as thoughts expressed in short verse.

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  6. #6
    Heart Cold As Ice ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR's Avatar
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    Default Re: ♥♥♥You'll Always remain in my heart♥♥♥

    I can feel a small sadness while reading this poem, but something just didn't click. It wasn't that it doesn't have beat, like LadyP has stated (though there isn't one), but it feels as though something is missing. Don't get me wrong, it is still good, just keep working at it and don't give up writing, my friend, keep working and making new things, fill out lines and feel out what you want to put down. And remember to have fun with it even if it's something that hurts. I will wait to read your next one, my friend.
    I am no more a rose than I am its thorns.
    No more a gentle breeze than I am the hailing storm.
    I am no more hated than I am loved.
    And I am no more heartfilled than I am heartless.
    This is who I am.
    ~ELR

  7. #7
    Senior Member Senjou_Akira has a reputation beyond repute Senjou_Akira has a reputation beyond repute Senjou_Akira has a reputation beyond repute Senjou_Akira has a reputation beyond repute Senjou_Akira has a reputation beyond repute Senjou_Akira has a reputation beyond repute Senjou_Akira has a reputation beyond repute Senjou_Akira has a reputation beyond repute Senjou_Akira has a reputation beyond repute Senjou_Akira has a reputation beyond repute Senjou_Akira has a reputation beyond repute Senjou_Akira's Avatar
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    Default Re: ♥♥♥You'll Always remain in my heart♥♥♥

    reminded me someone i so hard to forget


    Illusionists


  8. #8
    Kirako's medic soldier Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com has a reputation beyond repute Nightixu@hotmail.com's Avatar
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    Default Re: ♥♥♥You'll Always remain in my heart♥♥♥

    The poem was written in an interesting way. I like it. I can relate to it really well because i felt and still feel the same way. It spoke to me ^^ Thats why i believe its a good poem

  9. #9
    Junior Member Thenu is on a distinguished road Thenu's Avatar
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    Default Re: ♥♥♥You'll Always remain in my heart♥♥♥

    Very nice poem! =)

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