Without You

[Kaname Shikara]

A poem I wrote in Social Studies class. I think I did an ok job but please give me the criticism I need lol. Hope you like it

Without You

Without you my day has no light
I lose sight
As I stumble to the ground
Trying not to make a sound

Without you my night has no moon
I hope to see you soon
As I walk about in bewilderment
I remember the time spent

Without you, my time has stopped
I'm stuck, in a never ending clock
As I'm silently awaiting
Your return for my sake

Without you my feelings are gone
I have no hope anymore
Maybe I should have told you
The simple words of "I do"

[SigmaSD]

Its good, I can see what you are trying to say. But sometimes it sounds as if you try too hard to rhyme. Second line in the first stanza is kind of short so maybe you can find a way to make it a bit longer.

My favorite line was "I'm stuck, in a never ending clock." I was just awe struck when I read it.

[Fuuma]

How Romantic. i loved it.

[Kaname Shikara]

Thanks to both of you ^^