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Thread: Friends

  1. #1
    Stuck in Love's Capture Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara's Avatar
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    Default Friends

    A poem I thought would be a change for me I hope you like it....and I hope it's good >.< please comment as this is my first "Good feeling" poem I tried to write ^^




    Friends

    The one's who are there the most,
    When life has taken the coast
    To hurt you in all you do,
    Your friends will be there for you

    When you start feeling blue,
    It's time to start anew
    On the feelings being made,
    Your friends have always stayed

    You feel a jolt of happiness
    As your friends caress,
    The times you shared together,
    You both felt light as a feather

    It's time to feel free
    And let your mind decree,
    To always let you smile
    Through every hardship in the mile

    The bonding that happened
    Will always stay until the end,
    Until life has gone away
    And everything has swayed

    Life begins anew
    As your looking from askew
    Just remember, I have this to say:
    You are my friend and I'll love you til the end

    Friends are forever
    Last edited by Kaname Shikara; 01-11-2010 at 05:53 PM.

    Amazing set by
    Ezza Obsuna ^^

    The days fly by and the feelings remain
    So far away and causing us pain
    That's okay we'll make it through
    Soon we'll get to say "I love you"



  2. #2
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    Default

    Aww this is awesome!

  3. #3
    Captain No Pants Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki.'s Avatar
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    It's nice, but I don't think the emotions got through as much as they could have.
    But it's a good attempt! keep working at it!

    Oh, and "The one's who are there the most"
    should be without the apostrophe. ^^


  4. #4
    When I get internet, I'll be back in full force. Srk has a reputation beyond repute Srk has a reputation beyond repute Srk has a reputation beyond repute Srk has a reputation beyond repute Srk has a reputation beyond repute Srk has a reputation beyond repute Srk has a reputation beyond repute Srk has a reputation beyond repute Srk has a reputation beyond repute Srk has a reputation beyond repute Srk has a reputation beyond repute Srk's Avatar
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    Default

    Beautiful; I wish I could actually write poetry.



    Sig and avvie set by the wonderfully talented and amazing Bou. <3

    Featuring the laptop I always complain and talk about in chat.

  5. #5
    Stuck in Love's Capture Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara's Avatar
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    That's a bad habit of mine lol. Thank you for your feedback ^^ I hope to get better at writing "Good feeling" poems rather than bad >.<

    Amazing set by
    Ezza Obsuna ^^

    The days fly by and the feelings remain
    So far away and causing us pain
    That's okay we'll make it through
    Soon we'll get to say "I love you"



  6. #6
    Stuck in Love's Capture Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara's Avatar
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    Alice changed her name to Srk? O.o
    Last edited by Kaname Shikara; 01-27-2010 at 09:48 AM.

    Amazing set by
    Ezza Obsuna ^^

    The days fly by and the feelings remain
    So far away and causing us pain
    That's okay we'll make it through
    Soon we'll get to say "I love you"



  7. #7
    Captain No Pants Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki.'s Avatar
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    Haha, there's really no such thing as "good feelings" and "bad feelings."
    They all come from humans,
    and if you can write a beautiful poem about either,
    then I'd say that's quite amazin' ^^


  8. #8
    Senior Member Blanc has a reputation beyond repute Blanc has a reputation beyond repute Blanc has a reputation beyond repute Blanc has a reputation beyond repute Blanc has a reputation beyond repute Blanc has a reputation beyond repute Blanc has a reputation beyond repute Blanc has a reputation beyond repute Blanc has a reputation beyond repute Blanc has a reputation beyond repute Blanc has a reputation beyond repute Blanc's Avatar
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    Default

    I agree with Tsuki on this one. And did you say this was your first good feeling poem? If it was I'm amazed, such a good looking poem in your first try.

    Not bad though, keep at it.

  9. #9
    Stuck in Love's Capture Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara's Avatar
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    No not my first poem. I've written many others but this one is the first one that wasn't melancholy ^^

    Amazing set by
    Ezza Obsuna ^^

    The days fly by and the feelings remain
    So far away and causing us pain
    That's okay we'll make it through
    Soon we'll get to say "I love you"



  10. #10
    Captain No Pants Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki.'s Avatar
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    lol. It's inspired me to write a poem.
    ^_^
    *goes off to post*


  11. #11
    Senior Member Daken. has a reputation beyond repute Daken. has a reputation beyond repute Daken. has a reputation beyond repute Daken. has a reputation beyond repute Daken. has a reputation beyond repute Daken. has a reputation beyond repute Daken. has a reputation beyond repute Daken. has a reputation beyond repute Daken. has a reputation beyond repute Daken. has a reputation beyond repute Daken. has a reputation beyond repute Daken.'s Avatar
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    Woo! Good feeling poems are the best, and I really enjoyed reading yours. You should really write more poems like that I would love to read them.

    Please continue and keep up the good work. =D

  12. #12
    Stuck in Love's Capture Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara's Avatar
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    Thank you I will try my best ^^

    Amazing set by
    Ezza Obsuna ^^

    The days fly by and the feelings remain
    So far away and causing us pain
    That's okay we'll make it through
    Soon we'll get to say "I love you"



  13. #13
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    I thought it was a good poem and it showed promise. There were some parts where the flow was weird, again due to syllables. For example, the line that reads "As your friends caress" has 5 syllables, while the conjoining sentence has 8. The first and third sentences are usually around the same syllables and so is the second and third lines. Also the first stanza was a bit weird.

    After those first stanzas the flow got into a hip hop kind of beat which I really enjoyed and that was my favorite part of the poem. We are all beginners at this in a way so lets help each other grow okay?
    If Minecraft had a Japanese intro.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature...&v=H5qFZjuKet4

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  14. #14
    Stuck in Love's Capture Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara's Avatar
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    Ok >.< thank you ^^ I just think these type's of poem's are what I'm worst at lol

    Amazing set by
    Ezza Obsuna ^^

    The days fly by and the feelings remain
    So far away and causing us pain
    That's okay we'll make it through
    Soon we'll get to say "I love you"



  15. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by *Tsuki* View Post
    It's nice, but I don't think the emotions got through as much as they could have.
    But it's a good attempt! keep working at it!

    Oh, and "The one's who are there the most"
    should be without the apostrophe. ^^
    i agree with tsuki but nice try be little relaxed next time
    ~ai~rox~

    Thanks teed for the site info

  16. #16
    Stuck in Love's Capture Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara's Avatar
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    It's kinda hard to be relaxed when I know poeple are going to be reading them ^^ but I'll try harder

    Amazing set by
    Ezza Obsuna ^^

    The days fly by and the feelings remain
    So far away and causing us pain
    That's okay we'll make it through
    Soon we'll get to say "I love you"



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