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Thread: always on my mind

  1. #1
    Romanace Girl sogood01 has a reputation beyond repute sogood01 has a reputation beyond repute sogood01 has a reputation beyond repute sogood01 has a reputation beyond repute sogood01 has a reputation beyond repute sogood01 has a reputation beyond repute sogood01 has a reputation beyond repute sogood01 has a reputation beyond repute sogood01 has a reputation beyond repute sogood01 has a reputation beyond repute sogood01 has a reputation beyond repute sogood01's Avatar
    Gil
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    Default wanna be by your side

    baby your always on my mind
    looking out the window letting out a sigh,
    all around i see all these signs
    looking out seeing such a beautiful butterfly,

    wouldn't know what to do if i was with out you
    wouldn't know what to do if i ever lost you forever,
    never have to worry like i do
    i know we'll always be together,

    looking out in the deep blue sky
    you have a way of making me so warm inside,
    never thinking of why
    always wanna be by your side,

    always there when i need you most
    can't help thinking your always on my mind
    day and night just wanna hold you close...
    just wanna be by your side
    Last edited by sogood01; 01-10-2010 at 02:18 AM.
    *~A moment like this we will never be able to go back. Holding you like this wanting the time to stop. Just the two of us we don't need words.~*



  2. #2

    Default

    Wow okay you've improved tremendously! There are much lesser mistakes now and it sounds good like good poetry should.

    "you have a why (Way) of making me so warm inside"
    "looking out seeing such a butiful (Beautiful) butterfly,"
    "looking out the window leting(letting) out a sigh,"

    Those are the only faults in the poem. Everything else is fantastic. I'm glad you're consistently writing more poetry. The next one will be flawless.

  3. #3
    Captain No Pants Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki.'s Avatar
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    Default

    Well, there are a couple more . . .

    Quote Originally Posted by sogood01 View Post
    never have to worrie like i do
    That would be worry.

    Quote Originally Posted by sogood01
    alway there when i need you most
    Always?

    Other than that, and the ones pointed out in the previous post,
    it really was great. ^^
    You keep improving, and it's quite remarkable.
    Continue writing!


  4. #4
    Romanace Girl sogood01 has a reputation beyond repute sogood01 has a reputation beyond repute sogood01 has a reputation beyond repute sogood01 has a reputation beyond repute sogood01 has a reputation beyond repute sogood01 has a reputation beyond repute sogood01 has a reputation beyond repute sogood01 has a reputation beyond repute sogood01 has a reputation beyond repute sogood01 has a reputation beyond repute sogood01 has a reputation beyond repute sogood01's Avatar
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    Default

    thank you ^_^ i will.
    *~A moment like this we will never be able to go back. Holding you like this wanting the time to stop. Just the two of us we don't need words.~*



  5. #5
    Ruler of Fire ultra_maniac has a reputation beyond repute ultra_maniac has a reputation beyond repute ultra_maniac has a reputation beyond repute ultra_maniac has a reputation beyond repute ultra_maniac has a reputation beyond repute ultra_maniac has a reputation beyond repute ultra_maniac has a reputation beyond repute ultra_maniac has a reputation beyond repute ultra_maniac has a reputation beyond repute ultra_maniac has a reputation beyond repute ultra_maniac has a reputation beyond repute ultra_maniac's Avatar
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    Default

    tremendous improvement and good style for writing keep up the good work
    ~ai~rox~

    Thanks teed for the site info

  6. #6
    Stuck in Love's Capture Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara's Avatar
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    Default

    I agree you have improved VERY much with this poem.

    Amazing set by
    Ezza Obsuna ^^

    The days fly by and the feelings remain
    So far away and causing us pain
    That's okay we'll make it through
    Soon we'll get to say "I love you"



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