AnimeGalleries [dot] NetAnimeWallpapers [dot] ComAnimeLyrics [dot] ComAnimePedia [dot] ComAnimeGlobe [dot] Com

User Tag List

+ Reply to Thread
Results 1 to 8 of 8

Thread: like a love story

  1. #1
    Romanace Girl sogood01 has a reputation beyond repute sogood01 has a reputation beyond repute sogood01 has a reputation beyond repute sogood01 has a reputation beyond repute sogood01 has a reputation beyond repute sogood01 has a reputation beyond repute sogood01 has a reputation beyond repute sogood01 has a reputation beyond repute sogood01 has a reputation beyond repute sogood01 has a reputation beyond repute sogood01 has a reputation beyond repute sogood01's Avatar
    Gil
    967.84
    Gender
    My Mood
    In Love
    Gifts Pocky
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Latest Post
    01-14-2012 11:08 AM
    User Info Thanks / Tagging Info Gifts / Achievements / Awards vBActivity Stats
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Location
    amanda , oh
    Age
    22
    Threads
    15
    Posts
    41
    Rep Power
    0

    Default like a love story

    when i first saw you
    i took a deep breath to say hello
    as you look at me and smile you say, "how do you do?"
    blushing as i try to speak, thinking what a nice fellow

    as you take me by the hand
    you would walk me in then you took a seat
    feeling weak in the knees, feeling like i can't stand
    so happy to have met

    a few months later down the road
    you got down on one knee
    looking ever so calm and mellow
    looking down plainly to see

    as tears come down my face, i see a ring
    then he would look at me and say, "will you marry me?"
    looking at him with a smile i say, "yes" feeling like i could sing
    just like a love story it's a happy ending as you can see
    Last edited by sogood01; 01-10-2010 at 02:11 AM.
    *~A moment like this we will never be able to go back. Holding you like this wanting the time to stop. Just the two of us we don't need words.~*



  2. #2
    Captain No Pants Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki.'s Avatar
    Gil
    516.44
    Gender
    Gifts Cowboy Hat Dr Who Tardis Dr Who SonicScrewdriver
    Mentioned
    89 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Latest Post
    10-05-2014 09:45 AM
    User Info Thanks / Tagging Info Gifts / Achievements / Awards vBActivity Stats
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Age
    19
    Threads
    115
    Posts
    3,755
    Blog Entries
    66
    Rep Power
    4300

    Default

    Aww, that's really cute. ^_^
    But some of the greatness behind it was thrown off by the mistakes in the writing,
    sorry. >.<

    Anyway, once again you've done a great job! Can't wait for the next. =D


  3. #3
    Artistic Muse Kirei Shijin has a reputation beyond repute Kirei Shijin has a reputation beyond repute Kirei Shijin has a reputation beyond repute Kirei Shijin has a reputation beyond repute Kirei Shijin has a reputation beyond repute Kirei Shijin has a reputation beyond repute Kirei Shijin has a reputation beyond repute Kirei Shijin has a reputation beyond repute Kirei Shijin has a reputation beyond repute Kirei Shijin has a reputation beyond repute Kirei Shijin has a reputation beyond repute Kirei Shijin's Avatar
    Gil
    3,897.29
    Gender
    My Mood
    Inspired
    Gifts Fuuko Starfish 258 - Mudkip Favorite
    Mentioned
    1 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Latest Post
    11-04-2012 10:31 PM
    User Info Thanks / Tagging Info Gifts / Achievements / Awards vBActivity Stats
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Location
    OHayo, US
    Age
    25
    Threads
    62
    Posts
    611
    Blog Entries
    9
    Rep Power
    538

    Default

    That's a really cute/romantic poem!
    But I have to agree with Tsuki, the mistakes within it take away from the good poem.

    Here's your poem again but edited because I'm not sure if you caught some of your mistakes. ^^

    when i first saw you
    i took a deep breath to say hello
    as you look at me and smile you say, "how do you do?"
    blushing as i try to speak, thinking what a nice fellow

    as you take me by the hand
    you would walk me in then you took a seat
    feeling weak in the knees, feeling like i can't stand
    so happy to have met

    a few months later down the road
    you got down on one knee
    looking ever so calm and mellow
    looking down plan to see <- not sure what you were trying to say here, sorry.

    as tears come down my face, i see a ring
    then he would look at me and say, "will you marry me?"
    looking at him with a smile i say, "yes" feeling like i could sing
    just like a love story it's a happy ending as you can see



    The last line was pretty much perfect though, great job!
    Hope I helped.
    Last edited by Kirei Shijin; 01-09-2010 at 11:29 PM.


  4. #4
    Captain No Pants Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki.'s Avatar
    Gil
    516.44
    Gender
    Gifts Cowboy Hat Dr Who Tardis Dr Who SonicScrewdriver
    Mentioned
    89 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Latest Post
    10-05-2014 09:45 AM
    User Info Thanks / Tagging Info Gifts / Achievements / Awards vBActivity Stats
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Age
    19
    Threads
    115
    Posts
    3,755
    Blog Entries
    66
    Rep Power
    4300

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Kirei22 View Post
    That's a really cute/romantic poem!
    But I have to agree with Tsuki, the mistakes within it take away from the good poem.

    Here's your poem again but edited because I'm not sure if you caught some of your mistakes. ^^

    when i first saw you
    i took a deep breath to say hello
    as you look at me and smile you say, "how do you do?"
    blushing as i try to speak, thinking what a nice fellow

    as you take me by the hand
    you would walk me in then you took a seat
    feeling weak in the knees, feeling like i can't stand
    so happy to have met

    a few months later down the road
    you got down on one knee
    looking ever so calm and mellow
    looking down plan to see <- not sure what you were trying to say here, sorry.

    as tears come down my face, i see a ring
    then he would look at me and say, "will you marry me?"
    looking at him with a smile i say, "yes" feeling like i could sing
    just like a love story it's a happy ending as you can see



    The last line was pretty much perfect though, great job!
    Hope I helped.
    Yea, that's much better.
    Oh, but reading it again, I noticed.
    From here:

    a few months later down the road
    you got down on one knee
    looking ever so calm and mellow
    looking down plan to see
    to here:

    as tears come down my face, i see a ring
    then he would look at me and say, "will you marry me?"
    looking at him with a smile i say, "yes" feeling like i could sing
    just like a love story it's a happy ending as you can see
    It turns from first person, to second person. Is there a reason for that?

    Also, this line,
    looking down plan to see
    would definitely make more sense if it was, "Looking down I plainly see."
    Or even, "Looking down, so plain to see." would work.
    I'm also assuming that "plan" is supposed to be "plain." Correct me if I'm wrong.


  5. #5
    Ellxeeva's Minion SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD's Avatar
    Gil
    87,592.99
    Gender
    My Mood
    Sleepy
    Gifts Luna Cake Lie Soras Keyblade
    Mentioned
    82 Post(s)
    Tagged
    1 Thread(s)
    Latest Post
    09-11-2014 11:59 PM
    User Info Thanks / Tagging Info Gifts / Achievements / Awards vBActivity Stats
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Location
    In your dreams. =0
    Threads
    147
    Posts
    5,959
    Blog Entries
    118
    Rep Power
    6147
    Gamer IDs

    Wii Code: 1596-5790-7816-3407

    Default

    The way you wrote some of it was awkward, it kind of disturbed the flow of the poem. I can see what you were trying to do, but it sounds weird, sorry. Maybe if you add some punctuations to make pauses in places to make it dramatic and smooth the flow of the poem down a little.
    If Minecraft had a Japanese intro.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature...&v=H5qFZjuKet4

    |Set made by Neukifly|

    Super Saiyan Dango


  6. #6
    Romanace Girl sogood01 has a reputation beyond repute sogood01 has a reputation beyond repute sogood01 has a reputation beyond repute sogood01 has a reputation beyond repute sogood01 has a reputation beyond repute sogood01 has a reputation beyond repute sogood01 has a reputation beyond repute sogood01 has a reputation beyond repute sogood01 has a reputation beyond repute sogood01 has a reputation beyond repute sogood01 has a reputation beyond repute sogood01's Avatar
    Gil
    967.84
    Gender
    My Mood
    In Love
    Gifts Pocky
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Latest Post
    01-14-2012 11:08 AM
    User Info Thanks / Tagging Info Gifts / Achievements / Awards vBActivity Stats
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Location
    amanda , oh
    Age
    22
    Threads
    15
    Posts
    41
    Rep Power
    0

    Default

    oh >< i'll go over it didn't really notice
    *~A moment like this we will never be able to go back. Holding you like this wanting the time to stop. Just the two of us we don't need words.~*



  7. #7
    Ruler of Fire ultra_maniac has a reputation beyond repute ultra_maniac has a reputation beyond repute ultra_maniac has a reputation beyond repute ultra_maniac has a reputation beyond repute ultra_maniac has a reputation beyond repute ultra_maniac has a reputation beyond repute ultra_maniac has a reputation beyond repute ultra_maniac has a reputation beyond repute ultra_maniac has a reputation beyond repute ultra_maniac has a reputation beyond repute ultra_maniac has a reputation beyond repute ultra_maniac's Avatar
    Gil
    13,655.00
    Gender
    My Mood
    Amused
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Latest Post
    10-09-2010 05:42 AM
    User Info Thanks / Tagging Info Gifts / Achievements / Awards vBActivity Stats
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Location
    manga world
    Threads
    64
    Posts
    684
    Rep Power
    325

    Default

    nice story indulge in it good one probably more sense needed to do that awesome even though some mistakes kirei and tsuki corrected that needed something way beyond to think something like that asi said when i reped u u have heck of a talent to write and imagination
    ~ai~rox~

    Thanks teed for the site info

  8. #8
    Stuck in Love's Capture Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara's Avatar
    Gil
    5,474.71
    Gender
    My Mood
    Tired
    Gifts Hot Chocolate Flowers Fan2 Wolf
    Mentioned
    59 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Latest Post
    08-03-2013 06:15 PM
    User Info Thanks / Tagging Info Gifts / Achievements / Awards vBActivity Stats
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    In Between Darkness and Light, Engulfed in Fire and Ice
    Age
    21
    Threads
    138
    Posts
    2,563
    Blog Entries
    17
    Rep Power
    2386

    Default

    This poem has a lot of meaning beind and you expressed your emotions strongly while writing it. ^^

    Amazing set by
    Ezza Obsuna ^^

    The days fly by and the feelings remain
    So far away and causing us pain
    That's okay we'll make it through
    Soon we'll get to say "I love you"



+ Reply to Thread

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

     

Similar Threads

  1. Love Love Baby (panties warning)
    By Xian Pu in forum Wallpapers
    Replies: 10
    Last Post: 02-04-2007, 06:17 AM
  2. What Are You Listening To?
    By Daenerys in forum J-pop/rock (and other music)
    Replies: 1391
    Last Post: 10-23-2004, 07:58 PM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts