AnimeGalleries [dot] NetAnimeWallpapers [dot] ComAnimeLyrics [dot] ComAnimePedia [dot] ComAnimeGlobe [dot] Com


User Tag List

+ Reply to Thread
Results 1 to 11 of 11

Thread: Disappearing love

  1. #1
    Deep in thought kisses2 has a reputation beyond repute kisses2 has a reputation beyond repute kisses2 has a reputation beyond repute kisses2 has a reputation beyond repute kisses2 has a reputation beyond repute kisses2 has a reputation beyond repute kisses2 has a reputation beyond repute kisses2 has a reputation beyond repute kisses2 has a reputation beyond repute kisses2 has a reputation beyond repute kisses2 has a reputation beyond repute kisses2's Avatar
    Gil
    815.48
    Gender
    My Mood
    Torn
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Latest Post
    09-30-2012 08:24 PM
    User Info Thanks / Tagging Info Gifts / Achievements / Awards vBActivity Stats
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    Far away from you.
    Threads
    6
    Posts
    71
    Rep Power
    231

    Default Disappearing love

    I haven't posted a poem in a long time and i just put this one together with rarely little thought but I thought it was okay so tell me what you think.

    Disappearing love


    Sorrow fills my mind
    The aches of the past trembling in my shaky hands
    The distant and lonely future seeming so close
    The power and happiness so unforgettable
    It's all just your disappearing love

    The memories rewinding in my head
    The blood from my broken heart seeping through my veins
    Water puddles from the tears I cried
    Broken mirrors from the rage I gained
    It's all just your disappearing love

    Love so strong but now so broken
    Happiness greatly fulfilled but now saddened
    Phone calls memorized but now forgotten
    It's all just your disappearing love

    All I can do is wonder
    Was I not good enough to appear in your present or even your future
    Did I hurt you or abandon you in some kind of way
    Was my love for you not clear enough
    I realize now that it's all just your disappearing love
    Last edited by kisses2; 12-29-2009 at 01:27 AM.
    Sig by: Wolley.

  2. #2
    つき *Tsuki* has a reputation beyond repute *Tsuki* has a reputation beyond repute *Tsuki* has a reputation beyond repute *Tsuki* has a reputation beyond repute *Tsuki* has a reputation beyond repute *Tsuki* has a reputation beyond repute *Tsuki* has a reputation beyond repute *Tsuki* has a reputation beyond repute *Tsuki* has a reputation beyond repute *Tsuki* has a reputation beyond repute *Tsuki* has a reputation beyond repute *Tsuki*'s Avatar
    Gil
    990,970,312.51
    Gender
    Gifts 001 - Bulbasaur Cowboy Hat Dr Who Tardis
    Mentioned
    89 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Latest Post
    01-30-2021 04:30 PM
    User Info Thanks / Tagging Info Gifts / Achievements / Awards vBActivity Stats
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Age
    28
    Threads
    116
    Posts
    3,770
    Blog Entries
    66
    Rep Power
    4310

    Default

    hmm . . . well, I think the beginning was a little shaky,
    but I think it gets better as it goes.

    Actually, I think that the second stanza itself improved expotentially over the first.

    The only thing I didn't quite understand was the first line:
    Quote Originally Posted by kisses2
    Sorrow feels my mind
    It could indeed mean something deep,
    but it feels as though what it leads onto beginning with is
    "Sorrow fills my mind." Correct me if I'm wrong.

    *thinks* Oh, and this is just a weird thing about me,
    but I noticed how you switched from a capital I to a lowercase i when referring you yourself. I know it's weird for me to notice that, but it messes with the flow when I'm reading it. >< I know. I'm weird.

    Anyway, that's about all.
    Besides from a couple minor mistakes,
    it was really good overall.
    It left the reader with a deep understanding of the narrator's feelings,
    and the sadness that's felt.

    Okay. I'll stop rambling.
    Anyway, keep working on it!
    I'm sure you'll be great! ^_^

  3. #3
    Deep in thought kisses2 has a reputation beyond repute kisses2 has a reputation beyond repute kisses2 has a reputation beyond repute kisses2 has a reputation beyond repute kisses2 has a reputation beyond repute kisses2 has a reputation beyond repute kisses2 has a reputation beyond repute kisses2 has a reputation beyond repute kisses2 has a reputation beyond repute kisses2 has a reputation beyond repute kisses2 has a reputation beyond repute kisses2's Avatar
    Gil
    815.48
    Gender
    My Mood
    Torn
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Latest Post
    09-30-2012 08:24 PM
    User Info Thanks / Tagging Info Gifts / Achievements / Awards vBActivity Stats
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    Far away from you.
    Threads
    6
    Posts
    71
    Rep Power
    231

    Default

    Thanks! I'll fix the errors. This was just something I came up with really fast so i didn't think of spelling as well as I should have! Thanks for telling me and commenting.
    Sig by: Wolley.

  4. #4
    AF's Resident Color Taster Sr Machinehead has a reputation beyond repute Sr Machinehead has a reputation beyond repute Sr Machinehead has a reputation beyond repute Sr Machinehead has a reputation beyond repute Sr Machinehead has a reputation beyond repute Sr Machinehead has a reputation beyond repute Sr Machinehead has a reputation beyond repute Sr Machinehead has a reputation beyond repute Sr Machinehead has a reputation beyond repute Sr Machinehead has a reputation beyond repute Sr Machinehead has a reputation beyond repute Sr Machinehead's Avatar
    Gil
    1.09
    Gender
    My Mood
    Mellow
    Gifts Chameleon Cookie Fuuko Starfish
    Mentioned
    78 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Latest Post
    09-19-2016 02:14 AM
    User Info Thanks / Tagging Info Gifts / Achievements / Awards vBActivity Stats
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    In a Poorly Lit Room.
    Age
    29
    Threads
    18
    Posts
    898
    Blog Entries
    18
    Rep Power
    805
    Gamer IDs

    Gamertag: Sr Machinehead PSN ID: Sr_machinehead Steam ID: DocMK

    Default

    hmm i like it and its good but just not my cup of tea. i cant see anything wrong with it though so thats a good thing. on a scale of 1-10 id give it a 6.

    Set made by me
    "Do you know who I am? I'm the man who's going to burn your house down! With the lemons! I'm going to get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!"

  5. #5
    ... i am L. ♥ Yuna has a reputation beyond repute Yuna has a reputation beyond repute Yuna has a reputation beyond repute Yuna has a reputation beyond repute Yuna has a reputation beyond repute Yuna has a reputation beyond repute Yuna has a reputation beyond repute Yuna has a reputation beyond repute Yuna has a reputation beyond repute Yuna has a reputation beyond repute Yuna has a reputation beyond repute Yuna's Avatar
    Gil
    11,161.93
    Gender
    My Mood
    Wicked
    Gifts 025 - Pikachu
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Latest Post
    08-27-2015 05:56 PM
    User Info Thanks / Tagging Info Gifts / Achievements / Awards vBActivity Stats
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    Spira
    Age
    32
    Threads
    13
    Posts
    529
    Blog Entries
    46
    Rep Power
    1289
    Gamer IDs

    Gamertag: Cynaethus PSN ID: cynaethus Steam ID: cynaethus

    Wink

    I just have to say, that I love this poem.
    I read it out loud the first time through and all I can say is outstanding job!

    What I like the most about this poem is the emotion. Since I'm such a hopeless romantic, I immediately put myself into the things you identified here.

    ... I can pick out a few lines that really caused me to have that movie-like view of my past relationship run through my mind. I liked how powerful it was. Sad, but powerful nonetheless -- I can relate. I love things like that. (:


    Overall, great job! I really enjoyed it. <3
    Last edited by Yuna; 12-29-2009 at 02:57 AM.

    [
    Currently : fighting zombies ] - [ TWEET | INSTA ]

  6. #6
    Deep in thought kisses2 has a reputation beyond repute kisses2 has a reputation beyond repute kisses2 has a reputation beyond repute kisses2 has a reputation beyond repute kisses2 has a reputation beyond repute kisses2 has a reputation beyond repute kisses2 has a reputation beyond repute kisses2 has a reputation beyond repute kisses2 has a reputation beyond repute kisses2 has a reputation beyond repute kisses2 has a reputation beyond repute kisses2's Avatar
    Gil
    815.48
    Gender
    My Mood
    Torn
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Latest Post
    09-30-2012 08:24 PM
    User Info Thanks / Tagging Info Gifts / Achievements / Awards vBActivity Stats
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    Far away from you.
    Threads
    6
    Posts
    71
    Rep Power
    231

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by sr. machinehead View Post
    hmm i like it and its good but just not my cup of tea. i cant see anything wrong with it though so thats a good thing. on a scale of 1-10 id give it a 6.
    Thanks for the comment and the rating!

    Quote Originally Posted by Yuna View Post
    I just have to say, that I love this poem.
    I read it out loud the first time through and all I can say is outstanding job!

    What I like the most about this poem is the emotion. Since I'm such a hopeless romantic, I immediately put myself into the things you identified here.

    ... I can pick out a few lines that really caused me to have that movie-like view of my past relationship run through my mind. I liked how powerful it was. Sad, but powerful nonetheless -- I can relate. I love things like that. (:


    Overall, great job! I really enjoyed it. <3
    Aww!! Thank you! This comment really made my day!! I'm glad you enjoyed it!
    Sig by: Wolley.

  7. #7
    Senior Member Daken. has a reputation beyond repute Daken. has a reputation beyond repute Daken. has a reputation beyond repute Daken. has a reputation beyond repute Daken. has a reputation beyond repute Daken. has a reputation beyond repute Daken. has a reputation beyond repute Daken. has a reputation beyond repute Daken. has a reputation beyond repute Daken. has a reputation beyond repute Daken. has a reputation beyond repute Daken.'s Avatar
    Gil
    307.38
    Gender
    My Mood
    Lurking
    Gifts 311 - Plusle 133 - Eevee Spinning Beach Ball Doom
    Mentioned
    315 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Latest Post
    08-31-2014 03:25 AM
    User Info Thanks / Tagging Info Gifts / Achievements / Awards vBActivity Stats
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    Planet X.
    Threads
    18
    Posts
    2,840
    Rep Power
    3672

    Default

    Great poem, and I like how you managed to make it make sence. I can actually picture whats happening in your poem, thats a plus. Sad poem though indeed, sad or not, it still came out good for you putting rarely little thought in it.

    All I have to say is to keep up the good work, you are very good with your words, since I didn't find it confusing at all. Your poetry is really great, I can't wait for you to write another one so I can read it also. Lets shoot for a happy one next time. lol.

  8. #8
    Deep in thought kisses2 has a reputation beyond repute kisses2 has a reputation beyond repute kisses2 has a reputation beyond repute kisses2 has a reputation beyond repute kisses2 has a reputation beyond repute kisses2 has a reputation beyond repute kisses2 has a reputation beyond repute kisses2 has a reputation beyond repute kisses2 has a reputation beyond repute kisses2 has a reputation beyond repute kisses2 has a reputation beyond repute kisses2's Avatar
    Gil
    815.48
    Gender
    My Mood
    Torn
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Latest Post
    09-30-2012 08:24 PM
    User Info Thanks / Tagging Info Gifts / Achievements / Awards vBActivity Stats
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    Far away from you.
    Threads
    6
    Posts
    71
    Rep Power
    231

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Novak View Post
    Great poem, and I like how you managed to make it make sence. I can actually picture whats happening in your poem, thats a plus. Sad poem though indeed, sad or not, it still came out good for you putting rarely little thought in it.

    All I have to say is to keep up the good work, you are very good with your words, since I didn't find it confusing at all. Your poetry is really great, I can't wait for you to write another one so I can read it also. Lets shoot for a happy one next time. lol.

    Thanks! Your comment made me happy ha and laugh.. I'll go for a happy one on my next one. Thanks for reading and commenting! Means a lot!
    Sig by: Wolley.

  9. #9
    Ruler of Fire ultra_maniac has a reputation beyond repute ultra_maniac has a reputation beyond repute ultra_maniac has a reputation beyond repute ultra_maniac has a reputation beyond repute ultra_maniac has a reputation beyond repute ultra_maniac has a reputation beyond repute ultra_maniac has a reputation beyond repute ultra_maniac has a reputation beyond repute ultra_maniac has a reputation beyond repute ultra_maniac has a reputation beyond repute ultra_maniac has a reputation beyond repute ultra_maniac's Avatar
    Gil
    13,655.00
    Gender
    My Mood
    Amused
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Latest Post
    10-09-2010 05:42 AM
    User Info Thanks / Tagging Info Gifts / Achievements / Awards vBActivity Stats
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Location
    manga world
    Threads
    64
    Posts
    684
    Rep Power
    334

    Default

    well you wrote a very deep meaning poem there and ya tsuki said same thing i thought after seeing it overall great one awesome keep on writing
    ~ai~rox~

    Thanks teed for the site info

  10. #10
    Senior Member .Miki~ has a reputation beyond repute .Miki~ has a reputation beyond repute .Miki~ has a reputation beyond repute .Miki~ has a reputation beyond repute .Miki~ has a reputation beyond repute .Miki~ has a reputation beyond repute .Miki~ has a reputation beyond repute .Miki~ has a reputation beyond repute .Miki~ has a reputation beyond repute .Miki~ has a reputation beyond repute .Miki~ has a reputation beyond repute .Miki~'s Avatar
    Gil
    729,667.18
    Gender
    My Mood
    Happy
    Gifts 151 - Mew 035 - Clefairy Strawberry
    Mentioned
    109 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Latest Post
    07-19-2013 01:37 PM
    User Info Thanks / Tagging Info Gifts / Achievements / Awards vBActivity Stats
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Location
    Heaven's Gate
    Age
    30
    Threads
    16
    Posts
    963
    Blog Entries
    11
    Rep Power
    798

    Default

    Love it kisses!
    It is very emotional and it captivated me from the start. I think you are a great poet, and keep up the good work =)

    You're like an angel from a picture book...

  11. #11
    Deep in thought kisses2 has a reputation beyond repute kisses2 has a reputation beyond repute kisses2 has a reputation beyond repute kisses2 has a reputation beyond repute kisses2 has a reputation beyond repute kisses2 has a reputation beyond repute kisses2 has a reputation beyond repute kisses2 has a reputation beyond repute kisses2 has a reputation beyond repute kisses2 has a reputation beyond repute kisses2 has a reputation beyond repute kisses2's Avatar
    Gil
    815.48
    Gender
    My Mood
    Torn
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Latest Post
    09-30-2012 08:24 PM
    User Info Thanks / Tagging Info Gifts / Achievements / Awards vBActivity Stats
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    Far away from you.
    Threads
    6
    Posts
    71
    Rep Power
    231

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by ultra_maniac View Post
    well you wrote a very deep meaning poem there and ya tsuki said same thing i thought after seeing it overall great one awesome keep on writing

    Thanks for the comment!


    Quote Originally Posted by Bliss View Post
    Love it kisses!
    It is very emotional and it captivated me from the start. I think you are a great poet, and keep up the good work =)
    Thanks, Bliss. Glad you liked it!
    Sig by: Wolley.

+ Reply to Thread

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

     

Similar Threads

  1. Love Love Baby (panties warning)
    By Xian Pu in forum Wallpapers
    Replies: 10
    Last Post: 02-04-2007, 06:17 AM
  2. What Are You Listening To?
    By Daenerys in forum Music Discussions
    Replies: 1391
    Last Post: 10-23-2004, 07:58 PM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts