HAPPY SAINT PADDY'S DAY!!!
OI OI OI
Fill up your pints! Put a shamrock or clover in your hat! Wear all your fabrics a green! And don't be afraid to sneak in a lil' whiskey in your coffee this morning!
Today is Saint Patricks Day!
THE HISTORY OF SAINT PATRICK
He was this "bloke" from England who decided to travel himself up to Ireland and convert people to christianity. Well folks, it damn hell worked because nearly the entire country is Christian now. Also apparently he scared away rodents by playing poorly on his pan whistle, but this isn't why you came on this thread innit?
So I offer you all my personal
SURVIVAL GUIDE TO SAINT PADDY'S DAY!
Now back home, we would have started this celebration last Friday, holding parties and events each day until today which being Saint Patrick's Day and all. Today seems to be the day the rest of the world celebrates it, which I'm perfectly fine with as long as you through one hell of a party and celebrate the hell out of it!
"BUT BURNTHOUSE!!! I'M NOT IRISH!!! WHAT SHOULD I DO???"
No worries gents and dames! EVERYONE'S IRISH
ON SAINT PADDY'S DAY!!
Now here are a few rules!
1: You MUST wear green
. And people with green eyes don't get a free pass. Punishment includes anything your cruel friends can think of!
2: Men must find an Irishman to rub for goodluck. Ladies must find an Irishman to kiss! (extra points if said Irishman is drunk)
3: Everyone must engage in a fight one way or another! Winning or losing isn't the point here, the point being to gain their respect!
4: Although this rule can't be excercised here, swearing is no longer Taboo in everyday conversation. If someone asks why reply with the reliable "Piss off I'm Irish!" A line that can be used by any and everyone on Saint Paddys day!
5: An important rule for those in North America. We in Ireland have what's called the Shamrock. You in North America have what's called the clover. Spite to what you may think, and spite what scientists say on how they're exactly the same thing... THEY'RE NOT! If you're in North America and pick up a clover infront of an Irishman and say "This is a shamrock! LOL" Then said Irishman is allowed to sock you one right in the mouth. And since everyone is Irish on Saint Paddys Day... I'd be careful!
6: If you play a musical instrument, you're required to play it at least once! The more noise the better... and noise sounds much better in music form (we all know that).
7: If an actual Irishman tells you "You're not really Irish are you!" then simply reply with "Everyone's Irish on Saint Patrick's Day! OI!". A true Irishman will understand, but watchout for shady Irish folk... they're out looking for a rumble.
8: If you're of age, then one pint of Guinness is required for your daily intake of liquidy goodness. I'm a bit dissapointed in the imported product Guiness, but it beats most other dark beers regardless!
Beer is also very encouraged! It entertains me to no end, I love it!
10: If you happen to find a leprechaun... don't bother following it because he'll lead you straight to trouble! Mark my words!
"BURNTHOUSE!!! QUICK!!! I ACCIDENTALLY BROKE ONE OF THESE RULES, AND SOME IRISH FOLK ARE LOOKING AT ME FUNNY!!! WHAT SHOULD I DO?"
You'd only really get in this situation if you're drinking age, so this tactic bounds to work for you. If you're caught in a situation where people are questioning your devotion to Saint Patrick's Day rules and you happen to have a drink in hand... this is what you do.
"SCREW THE RULES!!! IT'S SAINT PATRICK'S DAY!!!!!" *chug chug chug*
It works wonders, and you're bound to make instant friends! It pratically nullifies any rule I just previously made up, so you're free to have a very happy Saint Paddy's Day!