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Thread: Original Fiction: A Broken Home Of Our Kind

  1. #1
    Junior Member BlackRebellion is just really nice BlackRebellion is just really nice BlackRebellion is just really nice BlackRebellion is just really nice BlackRebellion is just really nice BlackRebellion's Avatar
    Gil
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    Default Original Fiction: A Broken Home Of Our Kind

    This is A Story I began A Couple yrs Back And I believe It's time I finished it And For Other Ppl to read, It's been locked awy from anybodys Eye Except mine! I Hope you Enjoy! ^_^


    Prologue

    I had just woke up from a reacuring nightmare; I was cold in this hot house.
    I looked at my calendar...

    "YAY" I said silenly, Today's my B-Day.I was turning 18 today, the yr is 1920.
    I got up threw on a corset, and a sun dress nothing to fancy.
    I rushed down stairs" Good morning sweetheart, there's something me and your father need to tell you" I saw
    it! a sign of disappointment... " What Mother" I said. She said " we'll meet
    in your fathers din after school... Okay!"
    I shook my head "Yes" as I Made myself a bowl of porage, as I scooped a spoonful
    I looked at her she was staring at me, her eye's began to water and then in that breif
    second tears fell from her cheeks, she turned really quick..."you should get moving or you'll be
    late" She said in a sobbing voice... I got up and put on my shawl " love you see
    you after school" I said.
    As I was walking to my fathers din I looked around somethin kept nagging at
    me like this was the last time I'd ever see this place.
    I opened the door to the din and there sat my dad with another man he was tall Slinder
    and he tapped his fingure impationtly on the arm of my dad's chair, " Oh I'm sorry" I said I smiled.
    ( I was so nieve about this person sitting diagnal from my dad).
    "It's okay, This is sirus he's..... A guy from work, he's her to discuss a paper..." I smiled
    "Goodbye Daddy" I said and started to walk out, he stopped me. He looked at
    the guy nerviously and then back at me " your meeting us here after school!! Right?"
    "Yes" I said and walked out the door.
    At school it was the same old thing but there were some kids missing from the class,
    The rumor was that some diseas was threatining our town.
    That was normal every time someone was not in school they'd
    make up a diseas for the explination for some one not being there.
    I was walking home from school every one stopped to say happy B-Day and to wish me well.
    When I got to the house no one was there I looked in the din first"Hello Mama, papa!!"
    but there was no answer I thought maybe they went out to visit our naighbors who were sick
    so I sat at the kitchen table and did my homework. when I was finish I got up wrote on a piece of paper!
    "I'll be back later tonight going out for my B-Day I'll be home later so I can celibrate it with you guys!"
    I went up stairs and grabbed my most prettiest dress, It was black Cotton with dark blue lace around the edges. I loved it. as I put it on I heard knocking at the door. " I'll be down it a minute!"
    and I finished up with my make up and acssesories, I walked down stairs and opened the door there in front of me was my two best friends miley and abby."I'm ready!!"
    "well lets get a move on it we don't wanna be late matt is going to be there!!"
    " how'd that happen the most popular boy in school! why would he come to a place like that!!"
    "Well silly it's your b-day I'm thinkin he has a crush on you!!"
    'No way!!"
    "why not!!"
    "b/c I'm the poorest one outta all of the kids in school!!"
    "well maybe he doesn't care about money!!"
    "impossible!!"
    we all started giggling as we walked through the woods to get there,
    little did I know I was the pray of two!
    we kept walking we were in the middle of the woods when we heard howling.
    "WOLVES!!"
    "no can't be they never come this far into town"
    I looked at both of them they were horrified" don't worry, were better than they won't hurt us!!"
    and for that moment I had there trust, until.
    five wolves dashed out of the bushes around us surrounding us they stared at each other than at me. the leader moved his head as if saying yes the wolves charged at us and when it was over I was lying on the ground covered in my friends blood and remains, I cryed and cryed but I did not move from my position. the leader of the pack came up to me and I looked up and there he was stairing me face to face. "I've chossen you my self you are of right age for the leader!!"
    he turned to his pack and said something as he was turned I was jerked up from the ground. I looked up at her she was beautiful but not known to my town. she said " what do you think your doing??"
    "choosing my darling"
    "chooseing you can't have her!! she's mine!!"
    I felt safe there in her arms but cold she was frozen like Ice.
    " no I got to her first. She's mine!!"
    he stood an two legs and in a brief second he was human standing there taller than me and strangely familiar looking.
    "well you can't she's too pretty for your kind to have!"
    "well I chose her"
    "like you can choose your ears from your ***, you pathetic mutt!!"
    he barred his teeth and stepped forward. she turned me to face her breasts."she will not be taken by you!!"
    "so It shall be you who takes her?"
    her chest was cold,Icee and a little harder than mine.
    "if I shall save her from the likes of you then yes!!"
    "no way in hell I Got to her first,I've had my eyes on her for a month now!!"
    "well too bad so sad!! she was to be mine at birth!!"
    I heard the other wolves howl and get closer.
    she wispered to me"hold on tightly to me!!"
    I through my arms around her waist,I was still crying
    "she's now fully mine" then the air picked up wind blew my hair every where. I looked down at the ground to realize there was no ground beneath us, I couldn't scream I couldn't move it was if her cold body had frozen me to her.
    We finally stoped the air died and we were standing in front of this hotel it was populated people where going in and coming out. I finally found my voice "what is this place?"
    "why sweetheart this is the future!!" we walked through the doors she held on tight to me " don't move so human like, hold your head up high and walk straight ahead!!" I did as she said.
    she was leading me to the stairs straight ahead of us. when out of nowhere someone who was apparently drunk aproched us " hey baby" he said as he brushed her hair, she just kept walkin " come on baby girl whats with you this evening??. I get it she's your new fling trying somethin new!!"
    he grabed my wrist and pulled me a way from her. she snatched me back and held me close to her. " you incompatant little pathedic below life bastered! she's mine touch her again and you'll die!!" it got really silent and every one looked at her, but she held her head up high and countinued to walk me to the stairs we climed up them and went into a room.
    she sat me down on the bed and went to another room she came back with this piece of a fabric that was thick and soft one end was wet,she came over to me and started to wipe the blood off of my face and limbs!



  2. #2
    LUCKY DUCK Capernicus has a reputation beyond repute Capernicus has a reputation beyond repute Capernicus has a reputation beyond repute Capernicus has a reputation beyond repute Capernicus has a reputation beyond repute Capernicus has a reputation beyond repute Capernicus has a reputation beyond repute Capernicus has a reputation beyond repute Capernicus has a reputation beyond repute Capernicus has a reputation beyond repute Capernicus has a reputation beyond repute Capernicus's Avatar
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    I...uh...erm...wth?

    Okay so lemme get this straight, plot wise. This girl's mom starts crying and the dad is meeting with some creepy guy. It's the girl's birthday, and there is some super mysterious disease possibly spreading, or it's an excuse. She goes home to an empty house, does homework, then goes to a movie with her friends. Along the way she is ambushed by a pack of wolves who eat her friends, then claim she is the chosen one. But another wolf comes and takes (flies?) her away to some hotel in the future. And...does what? Has lesbian/furry sex with her?

    Your spelling is atrocious, your syntax is lacking, and your use of imagery is all but non-existent. However, you do get points for the lesbian elements.


    Back, by popular demand! Now with new avy.


  3. #3
    Junior Member BlackRebellion is just really nice BlackRebellion is just really nice BlackRebellion is just really nice BlackRebellion is just really nice BlackRebellion is just really nice BlackRebellion's Avatar
    Gil
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    Close! And yes I know My Spelling is bad! + the only Word Document I have to work with Is word pad! :/
    And Okay No She's Not Fleed to the future and no not a other wolf, She was taken by another creature!
    When I post my next Chapter I hope you get it more! ^_^

  4. #4
    Heart Cold As Ice ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR's Avatar
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    The creature is cold, and if it is the 1920s, I don't think there would be that many movies the poor could go to. The sounds of the dress, she would most likely would have gotten it pass down from her mothers side. If you need a better word documentation thingy, I can install one in for you and gma. But as a first one for you on here? I liked the idea for it at least.
    I am no more a rose than I am its thorns.
    No more a gentle breeze than I am the hailing storm.
    I am no more hated than I am loved.
    And I am no more heartfilled than I am heartless.
    This is who I am.
    ~ELR

  5. #5
    Junior Member BlackRebellion is just really nice BlackRebellion is just really nice BlackRebellion is just really nice BlackRebellion is just really nice BlackRebellion is just really nice BlackRebellion's Avatar
    Gil
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    They Aren't goin to the movies! :/ yeah I know And A Better word document would be nice! And Exactally about the dress!

  6. #6
    LUCKY DUCK Capernicus has a reputation beyond repute Capernicus has a reputation beyond repute Capernicus has a reputation beyond repute Capernicus has a reputation beyond repute Capernicus has a reputation beyond repute Capernicus has a reputation beyond repute Capernicus has a reputation beyond repute Capernicus has a reputation beyond repute Capernicus has a reputation beyond repute Capernicus has a reputation beyond repute Capernicus has a reputation beyond repute Capernicus's Avatar
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    ...then where are they going?


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