Hey Azu, I'm doing that thing again where I find a person whose translations I dislike and pick on them relentlessly. Though the corrections should be a bit more spaced out this time, because it turns out Gundam SEED Destiny character songs are pretty difficult to translate (who knew?) and I don't want to flood the LD board.
This is actually one of the less iffy ones -- obviously I disagree with parts of it, but it's not the hot mess that, say, Primal Innocence or Emotion is. However, it's the only one I felt confident enough in my translation of to post the correction without sending it through LD first. Which probably means I've made some huge mistake that I just didn't notice, but.
Anyway, if you think I'm being needlessly nitpicky, just let me know. I get a bit overzealous with the corrections sometimes.
>Even should it cost my life, I don't want you to kill
Even if it costs your life, I don't want you to kill ((This could really go either way, but I think it makes more sense for the subject to be consistent throughout the sentence.))
鳥のように My wishes over their airspace.
守りたまえ My life I trade in for your pain.
>Please, ride on the wind and ring the daybreak's bell
>Like a bird, my wishes over their airspace
>Cross the countless waves. You are facing the future. Go to protect you now.
>My life I trade in for your pain
>Stop the fight now!
May my wish ride on the wind and ring daybreak's bell
Like a bird - My wishes over their airspace
Crossing countless waves, to protect
You, who are facing off against tomorrow - My life I trade in for your pain
Stop the fighting
((The translator has mistaken "negai" for "onegai" and as a result has missed the fact that the whole stanza is addressing the wish rather than the "you." Also, 立ち向かう is more "fight" or "face off against" than simply "face".)
>Hey, why do human beings keep repeating their sins?
Hey, why do people repeat their mistakes, piling one upon another?
((Possibly very nitpicky, but 過ち is "mistake", rather than "sin."))
>Judging one another with their instincts, in this land that belongs to no one
We judge each other with fire on this earth that belongs to no one
((I checked with Google to make sure the kanji lyrics weren't wrong here, and there were way more hits for the line with 炎 than with 本能, so presumably 炎 is correct.))
If nothing else, the honnou/honoo thing should be fixed, both in the translit and the translation.