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Thread: Promise Place

  1. #1
    Captain No Pants Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki.'s Avatar
    Gil
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    Default Promise Place

    *Tsuki* experiments with rhyming again! Look out. ^.^ Oddly enough, all the poems that I've written while rhyming were love poems or something close to. This is no exception in case you are wondering. XD So, be prepared to be thrown into the mind of a young girl as she writes a poem about a promise that lasts a lifetime (That's not actually the poem, I'm actually talking about myself, but that is a good idea for a poem. . . hmm . . . *starts coming up with a new poem in her head* XD) The first part could be considered a flashback, but you could also argue that it is a change in time instead of just a flashback. It really depends on how you look at it. ^_^ Oh, and in the second to last stanza, I do drop the rhyming. I would have continued, but I got kinda lazy and I really wanted to just write what I had. >.< Well, hope you like it and thanks for reading. ^^ *Tsuki*
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


    Promise Place

    Fireflies that light the night sky,
    river water rushing by.
    A fullmoon that reflects the light,
    trees grow up to be a sight.

    Our secret place away from them,
    a place where we can hide.
    A pile of rocks that reaches so high,
    we climb to the top together.

    Stand up tall and call out our names,
    fall down laughing; creating new games.
    Not letting the outside get to our hearts,
    this is where our relationship starts.

    A promise to always be there for the other,
    no matter what the problem.
    Bruises and scratches heal in time,
    but our love refuses to falter.

    We grow out of playing games in the sand,
    but never let go of the other's hand.
    Go to the place where it all began,
    touching everything that we can.

    The little tree that grew so much bigger,
    is the place we stop to rest.
    We're much older now than we were back then;
    our grandkids waiting at home.

    Old problems that seemed so bad at the time,
    are now long forgotten troubles.
    But the promise we made so long ago,
    is still fresh and clear in our minds.

    For all we can say are three simple words,
    over and over again.
    I love you, I love you, I love you,
    forever and ever my dear.


  2. #2
    Ellxeeva's Minion SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD's Avatar
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    Default

    Well there were some other stanzas that also left the rhythm but that doesn't change the fact that its good. The greatness in the poem is not the rhyming as I've said, but the message it conveys. And you did a very good job at that. I like the last three stanzas, they make you feel warm and fuzzy. I liked it.
    If Minecraft had a Japanese intro.

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  3. #3
    Captain No Pants Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki.'s Avatar
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    Default

    hehe, yea. Those, too. But those were more intentional where as the other one wasn't. If I had made the second to last one rhyme, it would have kinda gone rhyme, no rhyme. rhyme, no rhyme. and on until the end. ^^ But, I couldn't think of a good way to say it and ended up with how I have it. XD
    I'm glad that the last three stanzas made you feel warm and fuzzy. =) that was the point. ^.^


  4. #4
    Heart Cold As Ice ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR's Avatar
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    Default

    lol, It was a lovely poem, and some of them didn't rhyme, just like Sigma said. Maybe we can walk through some work to rhyme things up, but only if you would like to. Keep writing, you're great at it and I love reading your poetry, my dear great niece.
    I am no more a rose than I am its thorns.
    No more a gentle breeze than I am the hailing storm.
    I am no more hated than I am loved.
    And I am no more heartfilled than I am heartless.
    This is who I am.
    ~ELR

  5. #5
    Captain No Pants Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki.'s Avatar
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    Default

    I'm not very good at rhyming, so I either do it every other stanza, or none at all. >.<
    I think it would be lotsa fun to do that! ^________^
    And of course I'll keep writing great auntie. =)


  6. #6
    Junior Member Lotha Cryso is just really nice Lotha Cryso is just really nice Lotha Cryso is just really nice Lotha Cryso is just really nice Lotha Cryso is just really nice Lotha Cryso's Avatar
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    Default

    Oh, wow, shesh, so many awesome poetric people here. I see what you were pointing out in it, isn't that all what poetry is about, showing the point behind each word?
    Ease of life in which you may think is fine but really be that behind every wall there is someone trying to reach out to you. You'll never know if it is in a good way or bad way if you continue to run like that.

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