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Thread: Gundam SEED Destiny - Primal Innocence

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    Default Gundam SEED Destiny - Primal Innocence

    This is on the site already, but I'm planning on correcting it, so... if someone would give this a once-over and make sure my correction doesn't need correcting, that would be great. XD

    これ以上、なくしたくない 絆と云う僕らの証しを
    傷付け合って彷徨える 永遠の行方をこの手で誘おう

    kore ijou, nakushitakunai kizuna to iu bokura no akashi o
    kizutsukeatte samayoeru eien no yukue o kono te de izanaou

    I don't want to lose any more of the proof of the bonds between us
    Hurting each other, wandering, I'll beckon to Eternity with my own hands

    幾つもの時代を 見守ってる
    何時もと変わらぬ 星達は
    僕らが明日に 迷わないように
    照らし続けてくれている

    ikutsumo no jidai o mimamotte'ru
    itsumo to kawaranu hoshi-tachi wa
    bokura ga ashita ni mayowanai you ni
    terashitsudzukete kurete iru

    The unchanging stars
    That have watched over countless eras
    Continue to shine on us
    So that we won't lose our way tomorrow

    だけど歩き続けてく程に
    人の優しさに 触れる度に
    目の前のモノが 総てなんだと
    思い知らされ 立ちくらむ

    dakedo arukitsudzukete'ku hodo ni
    hito no yasashisa ni fureru tabi ni
    me no mae no MONO ga subete na n'da to
    omoishirasare tachikuramu

    But as much as I continue walking
    When I'm touched by someone's gentleness
    I realize that what's in front of me is all there is
    And that realization is dizzying

    「悲しみを力に変えてく」
    それを強さと 云うのならば
    何処に行けば 手に入る
    揺るがぬ心 誰か教えてくれよ
    tell me where to go

    "kanashimi o chikara ni kaete'ku"
    sore o tsuyosa to iu no naraba
    doko ni ikeba te ni hairu
    yuruganu kokoro dareka oshiete kure yo
    tell me where to go

    "Turning sadness into power"
    If that's what strength is
    Then someone tell me where I have to go
    To obtain a steadfast heart
    Tell me where to go

    これ以上、なくしたくない 絆と云う僕らの証しを
    傷付け合って彷徨える 永遠の行方をこの手で誘おう

    kore ijou, nakushitakunai kizuna to iu bokura no akashi o
    kizutsukeatte samayoeru eien no yukue o kono te de izanaou

    I don't want to lose any more of the proof of the bonds between us
    Hurting each other, wandering, I'll beckon to Eternity with my own hands

    逸る気持ちを 押さえ切れずに
    振り返る余裕を 無くしてゆく
    そんな独りよがりじゃ いつかは
    大事なモノを 落してしまう

    hayaru kimochi o osaekirezu ni
    furikaeru yoyuu o nakushite yuku
    sonna hitoriyogari ja itsuka wa
    daiji na MONO o otoshite shimau

    Without holding back my rash feelings
    I lose the ability to look back
    That self-satisfaction
    Will someday cause me to lose what's precious to me

    繰り返す出逢いと別れ
    重ね合う夢を 紡いでいく
    僕らはそんな 単純に
    型成ていないから 独りじゃいられない Yeah…
    we belong together

    kurikaesu deai to wakare
    kasaneau yume o tsumuide iku
    bokura wa sonna tanjun ni
    dekite inai kara hitori ja irarenai Yeah...
    we belong together

    Repeated meetings and partings
    Spinning together the overlapping dreams
    Because you and I aren't made so simply
    We can't be alone, yeah...
    We belong together

    見上げてるこの大空に 「願いよ叶え」と云うだけなら
    誰でも出来る、怯えるな 高鳴る鼓動に未来を託して

    miagete'ru kono oozora ni "negai yo kanae" to iu dake nara
    dare demo dekiru, obieruna takanaru kodou ni mirai o takushite

    Just saying "grant my wish" to the wide sky as you gaze at it
    Is something anyone can do, so don't be afraid -- entrust your pounding heart to the future

    僕らはこの世に生まれて 初めて触れた温もりと
    寄り添いながら支え合って 生きていく ただそれだけなのに…

    bokura wa kono yo ni umarete hajimete fureta nukumori to
    yorisoinagara sasaeatte ikite iku tada sore dake na no ni...

    We are born into this world, and while drawing nearer to that first warmth we touched
    We support each other and go on living; though that may be all...

    tell me where to go
    これ以上、なくしたくない 愛と云う僕らの証しを
    傷付け合って彷徨える 永遠の行方をこの手で
    Don't forget primal love 譲れない 心が剥がされそうになっても
    誰の為でなく 自分の為に 人を信じていたいと願ってる

    tell me where to go
    kore ijou, nakushitakunai ai to iu bokura no akashi o
    kizutsukeatte samayoeru eien no yukue o kono te de
    Don't forget primal love yuzurenai kokoro ga hagasaresou ni natte mo
    dare no tame de naku jibun no tame ni hito o shinjite itai to negatte'ru

    Tell me where to go
    I don't want to lose any more of the proof of our love
    Hurting each other, wandering, I'll beckon to Eternity
    Don't forget primal love -- even if the heart I won't relinquish is torn away
    I want to believe in someone for no one's sake but my own
    Last edited by bluepenguin; 11-11-2009 at 12:00 PM.

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    Default

    >> I don't want to lose this proof of us called a bond anymore

    I would probably word this as "I don't want to lose anymore of the proof of the bonds between us," which loses the と云う somewhat, but sounds a little less awkward. If not that rewording, I think the 'anymore' should at least go to the middle of the sentence. Same thing with the other occurences of this phrase/pattern.

    >> To obtain an unwavering heart

    I would change "unwavering" to "steadfast"... mostly because I like that word; or if you keep "unwavering," maybe change it to "will" instead of "heart." "Unwavering heart" just sounds a little strange to me.

    >> Repeating meetings and partings
    >> Spinning together the piled-up dreams

    I think "repeating" should be "repeated," and "piled-up" should be "overlapping".

    >> We support each other and go on living, just simply that...

    I'd think I'd make this, "We support each other and go on living; though that may be all..." to accomodate the のに.


    I just translated a song that required four vague and lengthy footnotes though, so maybe my head's just up in the clouds~
    ~aka Xiao Cha~
    Let it be known that I loathe to see 重ねる/なる translated as "pile up."
    Get a thesaurus, everyone's 和英!

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    Default

    Thanks!

    Yeah, I was probably being overly literal with the first line there. I think putting "anymore" in the middle sounds a bit awkward, though. ETA: Oh wait, I get what you were suggesting with the "any more" now -- I misread it at first because you had it as one word (... I know I did first, I just don't tend to do that when I'm using it with "of"). Sorry!

    And "steadfast" is a really good suggestion -- I was trying to come up with something for 揺るがぬ that actually sounded... like something someone might say in English, but "unwavering" was the best I could think of.

    The other suggestions sound good, as well.
    Last edited by bluepenguin; 11-11-2009 at 11:58 AM.

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