This is where I say "money and power". True, I want those things. Sometimes, life just feels empty. Along the road on my never ending quest for money and power, I'd like to stop periodically and find some love and home.
Some people say that home is where you hang your hat, lay your head, or where your heart is. My hat is on the dashboard. I can sleep pretty much anywhere. And my heart? Well...I don't know where it is. I lost it some time ago, and haven't found it yet. It's not in New York. It's not in California. And it's not in Texas - though this is the best of the three by far. I just don't feel like I belong here.
Love is a series of chemical reactions, and is generally one sided or a lie. When you do find it, it's fleeting and reaches escape velocity quickly. It is probably running from you and your dysfunctional personality. [for those that don't get it, the "you" in this is actually me]
Love requires a mutual attraction, understanding, and respect. And probably a few other things, but I don't care to go in depth. Lets just say that those three things are pretty difficult to find in one location.
I can look at a girl I meet somewhere, and be attracted to her, but behind that lovely face usually lies a brick wall that I simply cannot navigate around or penetrate. And I've never been very good at opening up to people in the first place. And if I can't get past that obstacle, then there is no connection, no attraction, simply a passing fancy. Meanwhile, there are others that probably have short walls that I could simply vault over, but in their cases, I'd often rather be eaten by zombies than try. You get my drift. You probably have similar issues.
Meanwhile, money comes from hard work, and power comes from ruthlessness and internal resolve. I think. Maybe corruption factors in there somewhere too. Connections, definitely. I haven't got any of those.
And then there's the problem - too much money is never enough. The second problem is the definition of power. Does it mean strength, resolve, authority? I desire strength. I possess resolve. And I could care less about authority. What I want is the power to determine my own fate, and to destroy those who stand in my way. That's power, and in the times we live in now, that's a damned pipe dream.
What do you want most?