"A wench almost bit off that comely wench husband's willy as he cooked pancakes fer tea - while she gave that scurvey dog oral sex.
In th' heat o' passion he lost his grip on th' pan and spilt boilin' oil down that comely wench back.
The winsome lass clenched that comely wench teeth on his willy and in agony he bashed that comely wench on th' head with th' pan.
Both only admitted how they received their injuries after "intense questionin'" by hospital docs in Carioca, Romania. The lubber needed treatment t' his willy while th' lady had burns, two black eyes and a broken cheek bone."