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Thread: Song of battle.

  1. #1
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    Default Song of battle.

    I know that the title probably doesn't go well with the poem, but I couldn't come up with anything good. Well I wrote this sonnet in an attempt to make it in an iambic pentameter format but I don't think I followed this rule too well. As always comments on improvement are welcomed.

    Song of Battle

    The stench of battle lingers in the air.
    On opposite sides; the two armies meet.
    Both of them gaze; a malevolent stare.
    As they both strive towards the others defeat.

    The battle starts, as swords start to engage.
    Steel rips through flesh as they try to defend.
    A macabre scene on this tragic stage.
    As death grasps the souls of the fallen men.

    Holding back tears for their fallen brothers.
    Anger and sorrow spurring them to fight.
    This is just one of their many struggles.
    The heavens cry out; a bloodthirsty sight.

    Does fame and power drive them towards glory?
    Or does fear mark the end of this story?
    If Minecraft had a Japanese intro.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature...&v=H5qFZjuKet4

    |Set made by Neukifly|

    Super Saiyan Dango


  2. #2
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    Gil
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    Default

    i think..
    a battle story would have been a better title...

    i think it's quite good..
    not as good as EL Cid..
    but good..
    really...

    ~Howl's Mistress Evil Twin from the Other Side here to save her from further humiliation...

    avenge me!..
    kill kill kill

    sig by .Elmer

  3. #3
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    Default

    I agree " A battle story" is a better title..It was good. I'm not much for battles but rhyming was on par . short and good

  4. #4
    Heart Cold As Ice ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR's Avatar
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    Default

    It was solemn, the second to last paragraph (Yes, I know, I'm not good with poetry terms, people who have complained about that please note that down.) doesn't seem to rhyme with the first and third line. It is good to see you are writing again, keep trying and keep writing.
    I am no more a rose than I am its thorns.
    No more a gentle breeze than I am the hailing storm.
    I am no more hated than I am loved.
    And I am no more heartfilled than I am heartless.
    This is who I am.
    ~ELR

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