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Thread: The girl Do you belong in my world?

  1. #1
    Senior Member kajikun16 has a reputation beyond repute kajikun16 has a reputation beyond repute kajikun16 has a reputation beyond repute kajikun16 has a reputation beyond repute kajikun16 has a reputation beyond repute kajikun16 has a reputation beyond repute kajikun16 has a reputation beyond repute kajikun16 has a reputation beyond repute kajikun16 has a reputation beyond repute kajikun16 has a reputation beyond repute kajikun16 has a reputation beyond repute kajikun16's Avatar
    Gil
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    Default The girl Do you belong in my world?

    A time of knowing
    Distance in between
    The empty space filled, by us growing

    You kept my heart warm
    As you held me in your arms
    With your wonderful charm

    I tend to wonder
    If you are a star
    Because
    You made my wish come true

    That if I had to be in love
    It could only be with you

  2. #2
    The Local Vampire XxPantherChickxX has a reputation beyond repute XxPantherChickxX has a reputation beyond repute XxPantherChickxX has a reputation beyond repute XxPantherChickxX has a reputation beyond repute XxPantherChickxX has a reputation beyond repute XxPantherChickxX has a reputation beyond repute XxPantherChickxX has a reputation beyond repute XxPantherChickxX has a reputation beyond repute XxPantherChickxX has a reputation beyond repute XxPantherChickxX has a reputation beyond repute XxPantherChickxX has a reputation beyond repute XxPantherChickxX's Avatar
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    That was really good, Kaji. -^,...,^-

    ~Beautiful set made by *Tsuki* <333

    <--Clicky, plz!

    I gave you my heart to keep in your possession. It's very fragile and the only one I have left, so please don't break it. <3

  3. #3
    Senior Member kajikun16 has a reputation beyond repute kajikun16 has a reputation beyond repute kajikun16 has a reputation beyond repute kajikun16 has a reputation beyond repute kajikun16 has a reputation beyond repute kajikun16 has a reputation beyond repute kajikun16 has a reputation beyond repute kajikun16 has a reputation beyond repute kajikun16 has a reputation beyond repute kajikun16 has a reputation beyond repute kajikun16 has a reputation beyond repute kajikun16's Avatar
    Gil
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    thanks i still need to make my poem a bit better

  4. #4
    The Local Vampire XxPantherChickxX has a reputation beyond repute XxPantherChickxX has a reputation beyond repute XxPantherChickxX has a reputation beyond repute XxPantherChickxX has a reputation beyond repute XxPantherChickxX has a reputation beyond repute XxPantherChickxX has a reputation beyond repute XxPantherChickxX has a reputation beyond repute XxPantherChickxX has a reputation beyond repute XxPantherChickxX has a reputation beyond repute XxPantherChickxX has a reputation beyond repute XxPantherChickxX has a reputation beyond repute XxPantherChickxX's Avatar
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    Default

    If you ever need a proof reader, I'm here. X3

    ~Beautiful set made by *Tsuki* <333

    <--Clicky, plz!

    I gave you my heart to keep in your possession. It's very fragile and the only one I have left, so please don't break it. <3

  5. #5
    Captain No Pants Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki.'s Avatar
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    aww, short, but sweet. ^^
    Even though it didn`t have many words, the emotion was still shown.
    But . . . it was kind of hard to read at parts. The middle in particular, for some reason.
    I really liked the end, though.
    "You made my wish come true,
    that if I had to fall in love,
    it could only be with you."
    ^^
    Anyway, keep working at it, dad.
    Oh, and I think what threw me off, was all the extra words.
    It felt like some could be left out, but that`s just me.
    So . . . yea! Good job, though. =)

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    Faded Existence Rein* has a reputation beyond repute Rein* has a reputation beyond repute Rein* has a reputation beyond repute Rein* has a reputation beyond repute Rein* has a reputation beyond repute Rein* has a reputation beyond repute Rein* has a reputation beyond repute Rein* has a reputation beyond repute Rein* has a reputation beyond repute Rein* has a reputation beyond repute Rein* has a reputation beyond repute Rein*'s Avatar
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    okay it was good. very sweet but it lacked actual structure and apart from its sweetness the flow was also a little bit lax. i don't know word chose or the amount of words or syllable in each line something was a little off.....

  7. #7
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    Yeah bro, you need to add more words to your poem to make a stronger foundation. Its sweet but the flow is not its best and one sentence is the word "because". Sometimes a one word sentence is used for emphasis, but that's mostly descriptive and other powerful words.

    And I agree with everyone else that the ending was the best part and I thought it was really cute.
    If Minecraft had a Japanese intro.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature...&v=H5qFZjuKet4

    |Set made by Neukifly|

    Super Saiyan Dango


  8. #8
    Stuck in Love's Capture Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara has a reputation beyond repute Kaname Shikara's Avatar
    Gil
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    Emotions everywhere ^^ pure, true, emotions in this poem

    Amazing set by
    Ezza Obsuna ^^

    The days fly by and the feelings remain
    So far away and causing us pain
    That's okay we'll make it through
    Soon we'll get to say "I love you"



  9. #9
    What a feeling in my soul Artcell has a reputation beyond repute Artcell has a reputation beyond repute Artcell has a reputation beyond repute Artcell has a reputation beyond repute Artcell has a reputation beyond repute Artcell has a reputation beyond repute Artcell has a reputation beyond repute Artcell has a reputation beyond repute Artcell has a reputation beyond repute Artcell has a reputation beyond repute Artcell has a reputation beyond repute Artcell's Avatar
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    Aww...I like the poem!It's so sweet!
    Lovely set made by the awesome Arxia!
    Thanks so much girl!
    ♥♥♥

  10. #10
    ``Climbing up the Walls`` Li Xia has a reputation beyond repute Li Xia has a reputation beyond repute Li Xia has a reputation beyond repute Li Xia has a reputation beyond repute Li Xia has a reputation beyond repute Li Xia has a reputation beyond repute Li Xia has a reputation beyond repute Li Xia has a reputation beyond repute Li Xia has a reputation beyond repute Li Xia has a reputation beyond repute Li Xia has a reputation beyond repute Li Xia's Avatar
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    Short yet so sweet. . . Keep up the good work^^
    ^○^歴下アリス^○^
    メリザです。
    よろしくおねがいします〜
    ^_^


  11. #11
    Ruler of Fire ultra_maniac has a reputation beyond repute ultra_maniac has a reputation beyond repute ultra_maniac has a reputation beyond repute ultra_maniac has a reputation beyond repute ultra_maniac has a reputation beyond repute ultra_maniac has a reputation beyond repute ultra_maniac has a reputation beyond repute ultra_maniac has a reputation beyond repute ultra_maniac has a reputation beyond repute ultra_maniac has a reputation beyond repute ultra_maniac has a reputation beyond repute ultra_maniac's Avatar
    Gil
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    add more emotion to it it will get the grace keep it up you are good at writing
    ~ai~rox~

    Thanks teed for the site info

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