My fault or his fault?

**luz~** · 07-09-2009 03:26 PM

Okay this has been bugging me for a while I dumped a guy. He was so crushed b/c of all that I did to him I told him I needed a break. I still loved him but I wasnt ready for marriage. I later found out that he killed himself over now I feel horrified about myself. I dont even know if it was true! How should I react to all this since crying has done nothing but give me red eyes?

**Hanamaru Kunikida** · 07-09-2009 03:28 PM

Marriage? But you are only 16...unless? o.O

And I believe the guy was dumb for killing himself, you should not take the blame.

Anyways, did he had any friends? I mean, because it's very noticeable when someone wants to commit suicide.

Hint: Attitude.

**luz~** · 07-09-2009 03:31 PM

This was when I was like 14 we lasted till i was 15 then i asked how he was doing and his brother is saying its all my fault and that i never loved him

**IFS** · 07-09-2009 03:37 PM

Its not your fault, when someone decides to take hes/her own life that their choice they only blame other people so they can feel better about the decision, its just something they do to justify their actions and he probably put the blame on you because he felt rejected about you leaving him and wanted to get you back for it. There is just one thing you must remember these kinda things are almost like smoking, people do it because they want to they only use their ridiculous excuses to justify their choice so they feel less guilty and have reasons for their actions. I'm sorry to hear about your predicument but its not your fault.

**Ayame_Sohma** · 07-09-2009 03:39 PM

This should be in your blog but i will answer this and the first thing you need to do is find out if the guy did really kill himself or not and found out why? and also like Return of Ryushin said its not your fault IF he did kill himself.

I had a friend who killed himself 2 years ago and if you ever need to talk, I'm here and you can pm me anytime.

**miniPhil** · 07-09-2009 03:46 PM

Originally Posted by .luz

I don't even know if it was true!

You first need to find out if its true or not. No sense in worrying about this if its something someone made up.

Secondly if it is true its NOT your fault. Even if you did make him miserable suicide would have been his choice. As well as that you shouldn't feel any guilt anyway as you never intentionally tried to hurt him. If he is dead then yes it sucks but you cant beat yourself up over his actions.

**aishiteru333** · 07-09-2009 03:51 PM

It's not your fault at all. It was his choice and his right to commit suicide if he felt it came to that.
Honestly, I doubt he did commit suicide. I tell you from experience guys say they will kill themselves but wont really because deep down they feel so afraid.
Most likely, he just got depressed or cut himself but not commit suicide.

**luz~** · 07-09-2009 04:00 PM

He didnt threaten me his brother told me and i quote if you even care enough to know how he died he jumped off a gorge(water plant dam) but the thing is he could be the guy b/c i have nothing that proves his brother was real other than samara densuke's word for it since his bro never talks on the phone one time my ex told me hold on my brother is writing me a note as a question 4 me instead of asking outloud

**ghosti5of6** · 07-09-2009 04:04 PM

Originally Posted by Blue Stone

Marriage? But you are only 16...unless? o.O

And I believe the guy was dumb for killing himself, you should not take the blame.

Anyways, did he had any friends? I mean, because it's very noticeable when someone wants to commit suicide.

Hint: Attitude.

A very good point. Where were this guys friends when he was obviously falling apart?
You can role it over and over in your mind about how things have went down, how they could've gone differently, what you could've done differently, but that way of thinking will only drive you crazy.
But that you're still sad over it means you DID love the guy..that there was something there. As far as blaming yourself for his death...its just a bad situation. It's called Survivors Grief. It's just something you have to get past. It doesn't mean you're cold-hearted or anything. It just means that you've accepted that there is nothing you can do to change what's already happened, and that you're moving on.