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Thread: Ascending Apathy, Righteous Tears

  1. #1
    The Poet Sword Tetsanosuke has a reputation beyond repute Tetsanosuke has a reputation beyond repute Tetsanosuke has a reputation beyond repute Tetsanosuke has a reputation beyond repute Tetsanosuke has a reputation beyond repute Tetsanosuke has a reputation beyond repute Tetsanosuke has a reputation beyond repute Tetsanosuke has a reputation beyond repute Tetsanosuke has a reputation beyond repute Tetsanosuke has a reputation beyond repute Tetsanosuke has a reputation beyond repute Tetsanosuke's Avatar
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    Default Ascending Apathy, Righteous Tears

    Tears which tear heaven asunder,
    Those which flood troy,
    A gentle breeze of humanity,
    From deep within the void

    Those which we ignore
    Less intense when we don't care,
    Unforgiving we remain-
    Caught in apathy's snare

    Under the current we wait
    and lay, our cares to waste
    all away, and degenerate
    Until we lose, logical reasons
    For careless boon, committing
    Hopeless human treason

    And inside these shells we wait and wait
    And hope to God that religion is right
    To be proven wrong by science's stake
    'Less our souls be Satan's appetite

    And through fear we conquer millions
    With chains of selfish gain,
    Under wonders, writhing in bars
    Of each and every childhood scar

    Until the day the damned be free
    Devoted to votives misunderstood,
    We caress each other in apathy
    To this proverbial fire we add dry wood

    And here we shall lay the bodies
    Of the young, to display our blunders
    A pittance sum, which is our empty
    sympathetic vows, to golden men
    And sacred cows, to which we hope find
    The piece of mind we all hope to gain

    So when you see these tears
    True tears which assault the Gods
    Insulting revered deities
    Right into dirty trods

    Remember these words and the world
    Which has lost it's gleaming shine,
    Pity be to those that cannot see
    A truth that seems so very blind
    Last edited by Tetsanosuke; 07-02-2009 at 11:00 AM.


    Perhaps the world was never meant to make perfect sense.


  2. #2
    Heart Cold As Ice ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR's Avatar
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    Long story short, you show the worry and sadness that erupts in each person. As always, I love your poems, unusual and hard to understand when just read, looking under its skin, you see the real meaning behind it. Keep writing, my friend. ^_^
    I am no more a rose than I am its thorns.
    No more a gentle breeze than I am the hailing storm.
    I am no more hated than I am loved.
    And I am no more heartfilled than I am heartless.
    This is who I am.
    ~ELR

  3. #3
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    A deeply meaningful poem as always. I'd say it's your own brand, your own signature of poem. The poem was really quite good, a bit depressing though. Still, the reality itself is a bit harsh and depressing.


    I like the title of your poem. It fits the poem quite perfectly. I especially like your ending stanza.
    Remember these words and the world
    Which has lost it's gleaming shine,
    Pity be to those that cannot see
    A truth that seems so very blind
    Though I would say, it is we who are blind not the truth. But it can be brought to a different sense in accordance to your poem. Also, check the 6th stanza, 2nd line. You might have over-looked something there in haste.


    It's a deeply resounding poem. Well done !
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  4. #4
    The Poet Sword Tetsanosuke has a reputation beyond repute Tetsanosuke has a reputation beyond repute Tetsanosuke has a reputation beyond repute Tetsanosuke has a reputation beyond repute Tetsanosuke has a reputation beyond repute Tetsanosuke has a reputation beyond repute Tetsanosuke has a reputation beyond repute Tetsanosuke has a reputation beyond repute Tetsanosuke has a reputation beyond repute Tetsanosuke has a reputation beyond repute Tetsanosuke has a reputation beyond repute Tetsanosuke's Avatar
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    As always I whole-heartedly take pleasure from people appreciating my work, and/or enjoying it.

    As for the use of 's' on the end of [votive], as I'm assuming that spelling 'mistake' is what you're talking about Max- I felt the 's' was necessary to make the poem flow right.

    Unless you are talking about something I cannot see on that line.

    Ouh, this ambiguous world, lift me on wings of graveyard robbed leather! Hahah.

    In any case, thank you both for the comments. ^^


    Perhaps the world was never meant to make perfect sense.


  5. #5
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    Wow figuring your poetry is like trying to solve a Calculus problem. And then it turns out to be one of those problems with an answer of 1 or something. lol.

    That was really imaginative, I received different images that blended together in each stanza. It's like I would picture the gods and an ancient city first, then after I would picture of hell and the fire. It's just soo deep. I like how you go into so much detail just to describe tears and their different meanings. It's true that sometimes people use tears to get sympathy and/or apathy. But your whole imagery about how young people are used for war to settle quarrels with the elderly was what really captivated me. Nice job.
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