search

[s13mobilesuit]

so i feel this gental breeze
upon my skin,these eyes now water
the tears now run yet my face
shows no signs of compassion
i am empty


i scream in my head hoping it gets out
hoping the universe shakes as my voice echos
threw it , and maybe just maybe some one hear me


and asnwers why i cry with out feeling
why i cannot find this so called emotion
that i envy everything for i have nothing
and so i scream in my head hoping it gets out
but for now the gental breeze upon my skin
helps keep the monster within,
for i search for my compassion

[Anime Forum]

Hmmm, really weak. I don't want to say too much because then I know I'll be questioned on how I feel so better luck next time. The flow was off, the stanza's were really confusing and you need to think more when writing and make it neater then before. Keep trying =]

[SigmaSD]

Well I can tell your poetic style is different, like the type you usually read in front of people or something. It looks unattractive because you didn't capitalize some words and stuff, but even so I read it and it was smooth sounding to me. I would say that something in the 3rd line needs to be changed because you lose some rhythm in there.

I like the rest of it since it was nice. I just like that imagery in the second stanza with the echoes in empty space. That was just wow. *claps* The last stanza was also so filled with all this creative imagery that helps build a clear picture. I hope to see more from you. But just a reminder, it's spelled gentle not gental *grammar nazi*

[Gero50]

I think it's a good start though keep practicing and coming up with new ideas and remember practice makes perfect. Good luck next time.