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Thread: Leading Lady

  1. #1
    Senior Member Princely Dreaming Doll has a reputation beyond repute Princely Dreaming Doll has a reputation beyond repute Princely Dreaming Doll has a reputation beyond repute Princely Dreaming Doll has a reputation beyond repute Princely Dreaming Doll has a reputation beyond repute Princely Dreaming Doll has a reputation beyond repute Princely Dreaming Doll has a reputation beyond repute Princely Dreaming Doll has a reputation beyond repute Princely Dreaming Doll has a reputation beyond repute Princely Dreaming Doll has a reputation beyond repute Princely Dreaming Doll has a reputation beyond repute Princely Dreaming Doll's Avatar
    Gil
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    Default Leading Lady

    Leading Lady

    My Lady Eloquent
    You come down in that vivacious dress
    and that dangerous smile
    That leads men to your ethereal trails

    My leading lady tonight you're
    looking like an extra special jewel
    I'm not sure what it is
    The wave in the air
    Or the sound of the music

    My leading lady
    Lady Eloquent will you take my hand
    for a dance in the ballroom

    Take the mask off Lady Eloquent
    I don't care any more if it is a masquerade party
    Let's be dark and secretive and take our mask off
    Whisk ourselves away in some magical forest

    Cause tonight you're my leading lady
    Tonight you have the fragrance of hovering seraphs
    My beautiful Cinderella


    "There exist only three respectable beings: the priest, the warrior, the poet. To know, to kill, and to create."-Charles Baudelaire

  2. #2
    Ellxeeva's Minion SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD's Avatar
    Gil
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    You're username used to be Sparkly whatever, right? I can tell just by your poetic style. I thought you were improving but you went back to cutting the lines at the wrong places.

    My Lady Eloquent
    You come down in that vivacious dress
    Along with that dangerous smile
    Which leads men to your ethereal trails

    My leading lady
    tonight you're looking like an extra special jewel
    I'm not sure what it is
    The wave in the air
    Or the sound of the music

    My leading lady
    Lady Eloquent will you take my hand
    for a dance in the ballroom

    Take the mask off Lady Eloquent
    I don't care any more if it is a masquerade party
    Let's be dark and secretive and take our mask off
    Whisk ourselves away in some magical forest

    Cause tonight you're my leading lady
    Tonight you have the fragrance of hovering seraphs
    My beautiful Cinderella
    Here is how I changed your poem a little bit to make the flow at least better. If you're going to cut the phrases somewhere, just change the words before or after the "line-cut" so that you don't compromise the flow. I combined the first two words of the first line with the second line. I know that it looks bigger, but it sounds better to the reader that way.
    If Minecraft had a Japanese intro.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature...&v=H5qFZjuKet4

    |Set made by Neukifly|

    Super Saiyan Dango


  3. #3
    AF's Annoying Weeaboo Yoko Littner has a reputation beyond repute Yoko Littner has a reputation beyond repute Yoko Littner has a reputation beyond repute Yoko Littner has a reputation beyond repute Yoko Littner has a reputation beyond repute Yoko Littner has a reputation beyond repute Yoko Littner has a reputation beyond repute Yoko Littner has a reputation beyond repute Yoko Littner has a reputation beyond repute Yoko Littner has a reputation beyond repute Yoko Littner has a reputation beyond repute Yoko Littner's Avatar
    Gil
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    I agree, your not really getting that far in your poetry skills. Maybe try a different hobby? I don't like saying that to users but its starting to seem like Poetry isn't your thing. But if you must, keep it up. =]
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  4. #4
    Old and Cranky Rem Nightfall has a reputation beyond repute Rem Nightfall has a reputation beyond repute Rem Nightfall has a reputation beyond repute Rem Nightfall has a reputation beyond repute Rem Nightfall has a reputation beyond repute Rem Nightfall has a reputation beyond repute Rem Nightfall has a reputation beyond repute Rem Nightfall has a reputation beyond repute Rem Nightfall has a reputation beyond repute Rem Nightfall has a reputation beyond repute Rem Nightfall has a reputation beyond repute Rem Nightfall's Avatar
    Gil
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    I think you guys are reading this weirdly. I read it as new sentences. Each one is a new sentence. Or little fragments of thought. I think it's a unique way of writing poetry. They have freestyle poetry for a reason. And I don't think it's very nice to trash over someone's style. I personally can read it very well and so can Kelly[Kelly isn't a writer]. We both understand it very well. I think it's a nice poem Pandemic. You have a nice way of writing. Much different from what other people are use to. But it's very nice and lovely. Keep up on the poetry.[and I'm going to get slammed for this one]

    Wedding is in October. And I'm going to be a dad. Super excited.

  5. #5
    AF's Annoying Weeaboo Yoko Littner has a reputation beyond repute Yoko Littner has a reputation beyond repute Yoko Littner has a reputation beyond repute Yoko Littner has a reputation beyond repute Yoko Littner has a reputation beyond repute Yoko Littner has a reputation beyond repute Yoko Littner has a reputation beyond repute Yoko Littner has a reputation beyond repute Yoko Littner has a reputation beyond repute Yoko Littner has a reputation beyond repute Yoko Littner has a reputation beyond repute Yoko Littner's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rem Nightfall View Post
    I think you guys are reading this weirdly. I read it as new sentences. Each one is a new sentence. Or little fragments of thought. I think it's a unique way of writing poetry. They have freestyle poetry for a reason. And I don't think it's very nice to trash over someone's style. I personally can read it very well and so can Kelly[Kelly isn't a writer]. We both understand it very well. I think it's a nice poem Pandemic. You have a nice way of writing. Much different from what other people are use to. But it's very nice and lovely. Keep up on the poetry.[and I'm going to get slammed for this one]
    Hmm, trash? Its called criticism and everyone has their own opinions on poetry so I don't like how you would think your opinion is right over others. Now I won't trash you because it is your opinion ;D
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  6. #6
    Old and Cranky Rem Nightfall has a reputation beyond repute Rem Nightfall has a reputation beyond repute Rem Nightfall has a reputation beyond repute Rem Nightfall has a reputation beyond repute Rem Nightfall has a reputation beyond repute Rem Nightfall has a reputation beyond repute Rem Nightfall has a reputation beyond repute Rem Nightfall has a reputation beyond repute Rem Nightfall has a reputation beyond repute Rem Nightfall has a reputation beyond repute Rem Nightfall has a reputation beyond repute Rem Nightfall's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by -Raiken- View Post
    Hmm, trash? Its called criticism and everyone has their own opinions on poetry so I don't like how you would think your opinion is right over others. Now I won't trash you because it is your opinion ;D
    I wasn't thinking my opinion is over yours. I think it's rude to discourage someone like that. I'm more about the fact that you're discouraging this person who pours their living into these poems.

    Wedding is in October. And I'm going to be a dad. Super excited.

  7. #7
    AF's Annoying Weeaboo Yoko Littner has a reputation beyond repute Yoko Littner has a reputation beyond repute Yoko Littner has a reputation beyond repute Yoko Littner has a reputation beyond repute Yoko Littner has a reputation beyond repute Yoko Littner has a reputation beyond repute Yoko Littner has a reputation beyond repute Yoko Littner has a reputation beyond repute Yoko Littner has a reputation beyond repute Yoko Littner has a reputation beyond repute Yoko Littner has a reputation beyond repute Yoko Littner's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rem Nightfall View Post
    I wasn't thinking my opinion is over yours. I think it's rude to discourage someone like that. I'm more about the fact that you're discouraging this person who pours their living into these poems.
    There is only a point to you can encourage someone then you begin to think what will encouraging do. Sometimes you NEED to tell the person the truth. Lying like that would make my post nothing and also mean that what I am saying is just a plain lie.
    Last edited by Yoko Littner; 06-23-2009 at 08:26 PM.
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  8. #8
    Old and Cranky Rem Nightfall has a reputation beyond repute Rem Nightfall has a reputation beyond repute Rem Nightfall has a reputation beyond repute Rem Nightfall has a reputation beyond repute Rem Nightfall has a reputation beyond repute Rem Nightfall has a reputation beyond repute Rem Nightfall has a reputation beyond repute Rem Nightfall has a reputation beyond repute Rem Nightfall has a reputation beyond repute Rem Nightfall has a reputation beyond repute Rem Nightfall has a reputation beyond repute Rem Nightfall's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by -Raiken- View Post
    There is only a point to you can encourage someone then you begin to think what will encouraging do. Sometimes you NEED to tell the person the truth. Lying like that would make my post nothing and also mean that what I am saying is just a plain lie.
    If they have the will to learn and from what I have read. He has tried to get better. And if he has that will then maybe the better thing to do is encourage. Because it's apparent they have the will. It isn't a lie if they have the will to learn.

    Wedding is in October. And I'm going to be a dad. Super excited.

  9. #9
    AF's Annoying Weeaboo Yoko Littner has a reputation beyond repute Yoko Littner has a reputation beyond repute Yoko Littner has a reputation beyond repute Yoko Littner has a reputation beyond repute Yoko Littner has a reputation beyond repute Yoko Littner has a reputation beyond repute Yoko Littner has a reputation beyond repute Yoko Littner has a reputation beyond repute Yoko Littner has a reputation beyond repute Yoko Littner has a reputation beyond repute Yoko Littner has a reputation beyond repute Yoko Littner's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rem Nightfall View Post
    If they have the will to learn and from what I have read. He has tried to get better. And if he has that will then maybe the better thing to do is encourage. Because it's apparent they have the will. It isn't a lie if they have the will to learn.
    Hmm maybe your right. Maybe I should of not said what I said. But you know how I am, the truth must be said. That's how I think.
    Check out Anime Globe for the latest in anime reviews and anime news!


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  10. #10
    Old and Cranky Rem Nightfall has a reputation beyond repute Rem Nightfall has a reputation beyond repute Rem Nightfall has a reputation beyond repute Rem Nightfall has a reputation beyond repute Rem Nightfall has a reputation beyond repute Rem Nightfall has a reputation beyond repute Rem Nightfall has a reputation beyond repute Rem Nightfall has a reputation beyond repute Rem Nightfall has a reputation beyond repute Rem Nightfall has a reputation beyond repute Rem Nightfall has a reputation beyond repute Rem Nightfall's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by -Raiken- View Post
    Hmm maybe your right. Maybe I should of not said what I said. But you know how I am, the truth must be said. That's how I think.
    I understand that. And you are correct as well. But as I have seen and read he did try to get better. He's still experimenting with his style a little. There is no need to bag on someone for experimenting and trying. But I understand where you are coming from and it's the right thing to do. Sugar coating things is never the better option.

    Wedding is in October. And I'm going to be a dad. Super excited.

  11. #11
    Captain No Pants Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki. has a reputation beyond repute Tsuki.'s Avatar
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    Sparkly Periwinkle, I think, Sigma.

    ^*stares* hmm . . . well, I think both of you are right.
    I see how Rem Nightfall sees it, and how -Raiken- sees it.
    Depending on how you "see" it, it can be either good, or bad.

    Personally, I've always found (umm . . . what's his name . . .) *scrolls to the top* . . . Pandemic Doll's style to be a bit refreshing. Others have issues with it, and he's gotten quite a bit of crap about that, but it makes sense to me.
    I think what I like is the imagery. It doesn't explain what the Leading Lady looks like exactly, but with my overactive imagination, I see her perfectly well. I don't know, perhaps it's just me, but I like it. >.<


  12. #12
    Ellxeeva's Minion SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tsuki Moon88 View Post
    Others have issues with it, and he's gotten quite a bit of crap about that, but it makes sense to me.
    I think what I like is the imagery.
    Haha yeah I think he has, but the only problem he has is cutting off his sentences at the wrong places. I didn't say he was bad, but he still has that one little problem. I didn't change his poem too much, so at least he's improving.
    If Minecraft had a Japanese intro.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature...&v=H5qFZjuKet4

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