A start?

[Sparda]

Well im not a poetry writer in the slightest sense, but you guys have inspired me to attempt something, with your great poems.

This is something ive started but not finished, please tell me what u think and if u have to how bad it is, i will accept any criticism...

This Demonic presence
is eating me alive
it does not make any sense
how the darkness thrives

The weaker i become
the quicker i fall
as my body turns numb
my dreams begin to call

the light starts to fade
as my eyes slowly descend
The darkness has made
my dreams transcend

[polaris 北極星]

short yet effective. i was definately feeling the desperate feeling portayed in the poem, and the flow was not too shabby. keep up the good work!

[Anime Forum]

It was So - So. Not great, but not bad at all. The flow was alright and I now expect more from you so yea, post more sometime Sparda. =]

[Sparda]

short yet effective. i was definately feeling the desperate feeling portayed in the poem, and the flow was not too shabby. keep up the good work!

thank you

It was So - So. Not great, but not bad at all. The flow was alright and I now expect more from you so yea, post more sometime Sparda. =]

yes i understand that and ill try harder next time

[SigmaSD]

That's pretty good considering it's your first poem. You might want to look into the first two sentences because the second sentence continues the first (obviously) but the way you wrote it seems to make it sound awkward and throws off the flow of the poem.

If you enjoy writing poetry then keep working hard and you'll eventually get better.

[Sparda]

That's pretty good considering it's your first poem. You might want to look into the first two sentences because the second sentence continues the first (obviously) but the way you wrote it seems to make it sound awkward and throws off the flow of the poem.

If you enjoy writing poetry then keep working hard and you'll eventually get better.

Thank you, understood and i will try