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  1. #1
    Creative mind Mr. Panda has a reputation beyond repute Mr. Panda has a reputation beyond repute Mr. Panda has a reputation beyond repute Mr. Panda has a reputation beyond repute Mr. Panda has a reputation beyond repute Mr. Panda has a reputation beyond repute Mr. Panda has a reputation beyond repute Mr. Panda has a reputation beyond repute Mr. Panda has a reputation beyond repute Mr. Panda has a reputation beyond repute Mr. Panda has a reputation beyond repute Mr. Panda's Avatar
    Gil
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    Wink 21 weeks

    Ooookay. So, here's the thing. I live in Belgium, so my native tongue is Dutch...so all my stories are in Dutch. Dx

    But, I wanted to know what you guys thought of them, so I decided to transelate them. For now, I've only transelated the prologue. The first chapter should pop up today too.

    Happy reading. <3


    Prologue

    Prologue:

    Oh dear, it seems Pologan didn't clean up while I was gone, it's so dusty in here. Pologan? Pologan?! Where are you? Pologan, I demand you come before me this- ah, there you are. Why haven't you cleaned anything up here while I was gone? Television? What have you been watching? A soap serie? Which one? Oh? Did Haley kill George or not? I knew it!
    Oh well, might as well do it myself. Now, where are my glasse- oh here on my head, how silly of me. Ah, sitting down, grabbing a book and just relax... Oh, hello, I didn't notice you were here. I'm Chronos, God of space and time, welcome to my humble home. It's not big, but it sure is comfortable. Oh, you are human? Why didn't you tell me so, I find you humans so interesting! There are millions of stories going on in the world. Going from the smallest one of a girl picking up an apple from a plate to the largest one where a soldier fights for his life to once more see his family. I don’t know every single one of them, but let me tell you, one by one, they’re all marvelous stories for sure. The reason? Humans are marvelous. They show emotions and act according to those emotions. If you are hungry, you will eat. If you are sad, you will cry. If you desire something from the bottom of your heart, you will thrive to succeed in getting it. If you feel anger, you will destroy. If you feel happiness, you can fly. Humans have always let themselves run by emotions. Emotions are something strange. Although I place a name upon one emotion, the description is wrong. I call the emotion of destruction: anger. And yet not everyone who is angry destroys. Or, the emotion called love. You don’t share the same love for your friends as for the person you spend the rest of your life with. Every single part of this system it is just spectacular. But why is it that, if every human possesses emotions still have different stories? That is because they have different emotions from each other, which makes every individual unique and marvelous at the same time. Whether a person is a terrorist and destroys lives for a belief or a policeman protects the innocent by sacrificing himself because he thinks justice should prevail, they are all unique in their own way but yet the same. They follow their own emotions, going their own way. If you have guessed this all right, then you are still in the game. Not many follow my philosophy and some have become confused and stopped reading. Oh, I shouldn’t speak out loud, poor you. But I can not let you just go like that. I feel like you’re missing out on something. Ah, I know. How about we take a look at one specific story, as a gift from me, to you? Let us see...which book should I - oh, here. This is one of my favorites. It's kind of dusty, I haven't read this book in ages!
    Not everything is black and white like that.

  2. #2
    Creative mind Mr. Panda has a reputation beyond repute Mr. Panda has a reputation beyond repute Mr. Panda has a reputation beyond repute Mr. Panda has a reputation beyond repute Mr. Panda has a reputation beyond repute Mr. Panda has a reputation beyond repute Mr. Panda has a reputation beyond repute Mr. Panda has a reputation beyond repute Mr. Panda has a reputation beyond repute Mr. Panda has a reputation beyond repute Mr. Panda has a reputation beyond repute Mr. Panda's Avatar
    Gil
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    Finally, I got to transelate the first chapter.

    Have fun:


    Chapter one: Bad luck


    "I understand," Lydia whispered through the phone.
    "You see, I think it doesn't go that well between us anymore. That's all you know? You're a really nice girl, but we just don't fit," the other person answered.*
    "No no, don't worry John, I understand," Lydia answered.
    "Good, then...I guess, yes, I'll be right there, hey, I have to go now, ok?" John said and before Lydia could even say anything, he cut off the line.*
    Now, I just threw you into the story. I'm sorry for that, so allow me to explain.
    Currently we're in the story of Lydia, a girl of 18 who just got dumped by her boy, I mean, ex-boyfriend. Now, on with the story, I tend to wander off sometimes if I don't watch out.
    Lydia closed her mobile and felt a small tear roll over her cheek. It has been two months eversince she was in a relationship with a boy named John. The relationship probably ended because he had his eyes set on another because she had the small hunch eversince John mentioned what kind of a cool girl Mary was.
    She lied on her bed and made quite a lazy movement to grab a piece of chocolate which was on her night table, and started nibbling on it. It was a habit of hers, to chew on a piece of chocolate when she had to work something out, whether it be sad or good moments. Chocolate reminded her of her 11th birthday where her grandmother, who has now passed on, made an L-shaped chocolate for her. She loved her grandmother a lot.*
    She threw in the last piece of the chocolate and stood up to take a good look at herself in the mirror. She prodded her own cheek, something she always did to make sure she wasn't dreaming. Disappointed, she turned around and slowly walked out of her room, only to be attracted by her mother's cooking.*
    "What's for supper?" she said very silent as she leaned over the banister.
    "You sound enthusiastic," her mother answered sarcastically, "having a fight with John are we?"
    "Over," she said. She moved on to the kitchen and sat down.
    "What do you mean, over?" she answered.
    "He broke up with me because he thought we didn't fit well together," Lydia emphasized what she meant, "I bet he broke up with me so he could be with Mary."
    "What a jerk!" the mother said and held her wooden spoon with some sauce on it in the air.
    "I don't care anymore," Lydia said and took a plate where she started to put some of the chow on her plate.
    "I smell something good!" they heard the brother, Bruno say, as he walked into the kitchen with a big smile.
    "It's potatoes with sausage in tomato sauce and vegetables," Lydia said pretty dramatic as she put a few sausages on her plate.*
    "Whoa. You look pretty down," Bruno answered.
    "You look pretty happy," Lydia answered her 4 year older brother.*
    “I just got an extra level on Runner (some online game he plays) aaaand I found a stone of Iseree!” he said very proud of himself.
    Did I mention that Bruno is a very smart person who's studying to become a lawyer? Even I am amazed that he finds the time to study and play that game.
    “Why are you so down? Are you having a fight with John?” Bruno said before he saw the mother's 'noo!' face.
    Lydia sighed deeply as she draws the plate closer to her. Bruno sat down and like Lydia he started loading up his plate, “we're over.”
    “Over?! Why? Don't tell me he dumped you for someone else?” he said.
    “I think he did,” Lydia said.
    “Why I ought to -
    “Bruno go get your father please. Tell him it's suppertime,” the mother quickly said.
    “Fine,” Bruno said and stood up to get his father.
    “Don't worry dear, you'll find someone else,” the mother said and rubbed her daughter's shoulders.
    “I guess,” she said and played with her spoon, waiting till her father came down.
    “Hmm, I smell something delicious!” the father said as he came into the kitchen.
    “It's potatoes with sausage in tomato sauce and vegetables,” both Bruno and Lydia said.
    “Oh wow, you look down, Lydia,” the father said, “having a fight with John?”
    Within the second Lydia experienced an outburst. She loaded up more food on her plate, stood up like a rocket, took her plate, walked out the door and closed it with a bang.
    “Was that necessary?”the mother said.
    “What?” the father not understanding anything.

    The following day she ignored John completely, especially after he saw that he was hugging Mary, the message was loud and clear. Mary seemed to be ignoring her too, probably because John made up a gossip why they broke up. Now that she was single again, she gave it a thought. Why was she so attracted to John in the first place and now, she hates him so?
    She thought back of the two months when she fell in love with a very good looking boy with who she also started a relationship. She stood in front of her locker, and thought back of the first relationship she had, which was four years ago. That wasn't one worth mentioning either, let me tell you. She all of a sudden realized, she never had any good relationships. Only short and quick ones. Maybe the problem was her, that she didn't manage to get a good relationship? She put away some books to make her bag a bit lighter. She took off and came across a widescreen window, which showed her reflection. She stopped and looked at herself and turned her waist from right to left, trying to get a peek at her bottom and her body. A girl with long brown hair, blue eyes, a cup-size which was acceptable and a very nice figure. Yes, it wasn't her body, as she knew it, it had to be her personality. Maybe because she's kind of interested in the internet, books and doesn't go to parties that much? Or, no, it had to be her love for Japanese culture, especially the art.
    “What if the reason is that I refuse to have sex with the men I've dated?" a little voice said to her. She was surprised that came out, and she became a little bit dizzy. Were men really like that? She looked back at her relationships: “Charlie, 14, asked for sex after 3 months, I said no and it was over. Lucas, 16 years, asked for sex after 2 days, I refused, and it was over after a week. Peter, 16 years, asked for sex after 2 weeks, I refused and he broke up after 2 days. John, asked for sex after 1 month, I refused, he broke up with me for Mary,” she all of a sudden thought of. Never the boys gave her a really good reason “why” they broke up, so this had to be it. She leaned against the wall and caught her breath. Is this really how boys are? Like horny coyotes that roam around? She swallowed a few times until she could see straight again, and slowly went on to her class.
    She entered the classroom, stood in front of her chair and let herself fall down like a rocket, next to her best friend, Emily.
    “Well, good morning to you too sunshine,” Emily said, “you look awfully down. Are you having a fight with John?”
    Lydia planted her hand on her face and sighed deeply, in which she let her hand slide off her face like she was wiping off dirt.
    “No,” she said very seriously. She looked at Emily and leaned on her desk with both her arms. After that, a long silence occurred. They looked at each other and nothing was said for a minute or two. This is the game called: “Identify the core of the problem.”
    “Can I ask you something?” Lydia started.
    “Yes...” Emily answered.
    “How is Jonas?” Lydia asked. Jonas was Emily's boyfriend, who she's been together with for almost 3 years now.
    “Good...Why do you ask?” Emily said. She was starting to get a bit worried.
    “Are boys horny coyotes?” she then all of a sudden asked.
    “What?”
    “Are boys, horny, coyotes?” Lydia emphasized this time.
    
”Lydia, are you alright?” Emily asked.
    “John broke up,” she said and she leaned all the way forward and let her face disappear between her arms.
    Emily was silent for a while.
    “You'll find someone else,” finally came out of her mouth as she rubbed Lydia's back to comfort her a bit.
    “Oh, yes, thank you,” Lydia answered very sarcastically.
    “So, how do you feel?” Emily asked.
    “Somewhere between bad and extremely unlucky,” Lydia answered again. She put herself straight-up again and placed her head into her hand, “you could say I'm already used to it.”
    Lydia turned her head over to Mary, who was smiling as she was texting someone, who was probably John. She turned her head back to Emily, who brought her head to the same level as Lydia.
    “You, still ARE a virgin, right?” she asked just to be sure.
    “Yes,” Lydia said, “but for some reason I feel like a {word meaning one who engages in sexual acts for financial compensation has been redacted}. Count with how many guys I've been already!”
    “I lost count...” Emily said honestly.
    “Exactly,” Lydia said.
    “Well, then you're not a {word meaning one who engages in sexual acts for financial compensation has been redacted}, but...a girl with bad luck,” Emily tried to comfort her.
    “Bad luck? This isn't bad luck anymore, it's like some God doesn't want me to have a relationship,” she said. Now, don't look at me for this. I'm not the God of love.
    She looked at Mary, who was smiling at her mobile. Probably texting with John.
    “John is a jerk. Just leave him, you deserve much better,” Emily said all of a sudden.
    “I guess,” Lydia sighed.
    “Class,” mr. Rym said, “today we have a new student. Please welcome him.”
    All the students looked to their left as they saw a 6 feet tall boy with dark brown hair come into the class. Mr. Rym nodded at the young man who took a step forward.
    “H-hello, I'm Alex. I'm 18, I love to play basketball and to work out. In my free time I like to read books and go out with friends. I'm also very fond of drawing, but I'm not that good at it,” he said.
    Everyone looked at him, but no one said anything, besides smile, nod or made a small cough.
    “Come come, introduce yourself further on during the breaks. Now then, all take your books on page 24, we're going to finish those exercices we did yesterday...”

    “So, what do you think of the newguy?” Emily asked during lunchbreak, as she took a bite of her sandwich.
    “No idea, I haven't talked to him yet,” she said and stood up, “I'm getting some coffee, do you want some?”
    Emily shook her head, pulling out a bottle of water out of her bag. Lydia turned around and walked towards the coffeemachine, where she saw someone familiar. The new guy, Alex, was trying to figure out how to use the coffemachine.
    “You have to pay with a card,” Lydia said, “it won't accept cash.”
    “Oh? That's too bad, I didn't bring mine today,” Alex said disappointed.
    “Here, you can use mine,” Lydia said and handed over her card.
    “Thanks, I owe you one,” Alex said very friendly and inserted the card after which he pressed 'Fastpresso'.
    “You're welcome,” Lydia said as she got her card back. She all of a sudden felt a hand on her shoulder. She turned around, seeing it was John.
    “O-oh, hi, John, how are you?” she said.
    “How are you?” John emphasized the you. She came closer to her, as their noses almost touched, “you know, I'm all alone tonight... Want to come over and see a movie?”
    “Aren't you together with Mary now?” Lydia then said. She took a step backwards.
    “But, Mary is busy tonight... Come on, it'll be fun, just you and me!” John insisted.
    “Sounds cool. Can I come too?” they all of a sudden hear Alex say on a pretty intimidating voice. John looked to his left where he saw a pretty muscled guy who was almost half a foot taller than him.
    John didn't know what to say, but I can tell you he felt rather intimidated. He looked back at Lydia, who shook her head: “No, thank you for the offer, but I'm not interested.”
    “Fine,” John said and walked off.
    Alex made a whistle sound and looked at Lydia: “Ex-boyfriend?”
    “Yes,” Lydia said and walked off very irritated. She shoved the chair very violently towards her and sat on it, took her sandwich and gnawed off a piece of it.
    “Oh dear. Not your cup of tea?” Emily said.
    “Not him,” she mumbled with bread in her mouth. She nodded her head at John, who was hugging Mary.
    “Him? What did he do?” Emily said.
    Lydia swallowed her piece of sandwich and gnawed off another piece, “he wanted me to come over for a “movie”.
    “Oh, what a douche,” Emily said and looked at John. She also saw Alex coming over, “heads up, good looking guy spotted at 6 o'clock!”
    Lydia turned her head upwards and saw Alex standing there , over towering her.
    “Hi,” he said friendly, “can I sit here?”
    “No,” Lydia said very mean and turned down her head again. She looked back up and saw that Alex was still standing there, “I'm joking, of course you can.”
    Alex sat down and opened his lunchbox, in which were a few sandwiches. He slowly took one and gently bit off a piece of it.
    “For a big guy like you you sure eat slow,” Lydia said.
    “For a small girl like you you sure have a funny attittude,” Alex said back.
    For some reason, this made Lydia giggle. She put her hand in front of her mouth and smiled.
    “Ok, you got me there,” Lydia said while laughing. She took a sip of her coffee.
    “Are you still sad?” Alex then asked her.
    She looked at Alex for a while, as she tried to peel his words off one by one. she blinked her eyes a couple of times. She was surprised to hear it. No, she wasn't surprised, but happy. She was happy to hear it, for an unknown reason. But without having the time to savor her happiness, she felt someone tapping on her shoulder. She turned around. It was Mary.
    “Stay off my boyfriend, you {word meaning one who engages in sexual acts for financial compensation has been redacted}!” she yelled.
    Lydia was silent for a second, and slowly opened her mouth, “what?”
    “You heard me. Stay off John. I heard how you invited him to a movie at your place. John's mine now, you understand you little {word meaning one who engages in sexual acts for financial compensation has been redacted}?” she said violently.
    “Oh, right...you're with John now,” Lydia laughed, “I'd watch out. John's rather demanding.”
    “You're just jealous,” Mary said and turned around. Before she knew it, she felt the ground under her nose. She quickly stood up, only to be the laughingstock of the whole room. Her face lid up like a red flashlight and she turned her head fiercely towards Alex and Lydia, in which she saw Alex slowly pull back his foot.
    “YOU,” she yelled.
    “Hey, don't look at me. I can't help it that I'm so tall,” he smiled. Humiliated, Mary walked off to John.
    Within the minute Lydia started to laugh out loud. She looked at Alex and wiped away a tear.
    “Thank you,” she said.
    “Now we're even for the fastpresso,” he said while laughing.
    Last edited by Mr. Panda; 06-11-2009 at 02:53 PM.
    Not everything is black and white like that.

  3. #3
    Senior Member DOOM! has a reputation beyond repute DOOM! has a reputation beyond repute DOOM! has a reputation beyond repute DOOM! has a reputation beyond repute DOOM! has a reputation beyond repute DOOM! has a reputation beyond repute DOOM! has a reputation beyond repute DOOM! has a reputation beyond repute DOOM! has a reputation beyond repute DOOM! has a reputation beyond repute DOOM! has a reputation beyond repute DOOM!'s Avatar
    Gil
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    Welcome to the forums, you finally posted into the right section. Here comes your prize:
    That was terrible! The dialogs are not properly formed and subsequent actions are chaotically sparsed. It's not "can I sit here?" it "may I". 11 year olds are not officially novel characters, they are only spamming up the story with their childplay. Under what circumstances would Alex reply to Lydia? Normally, a brat would be greeted with a slap across the face.
    No, that was awful! Your story is of the lowest class!
    Remove this garbage and have the thread deleted, it is ruining all the other good stories posted here!
    Last edited by DOOM!; 06-16-2009 at 01:50 AM.


  4. #4
    Creative mind Mr. Panda has a reputation beyond repute Mr. Panda has a reputation beyond repute Mr. Panda has a reputation beyond repute Mr. Panda has a reputation beyond repute Mr. Panda has a reputation beyond repute Mr. Panda has a reputation beyond repute Mr. Panda has a reputation beyond repute Mr. Panda has a reputation beyond repute Mr. Panda has a reputation beyond repute Mr. Panda has a reputation beyond repute Mr. Panda has a reputation beyond repute Mr. Panda's Avatar
    Gil
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dr.McDoom!: Reloaded View Post
    Welcome to the forums, you finally posted into the right section. Here comes your prize:
    That was terrible! The dialogs are not properly formed and subsequent actions are chaotically sparsed. It's not "can I sit here?" it "may I". 11 year olds are not officially novel characters, they are only spamming up the story with their childplay. Under what circumstances would Alex reply to Lydia? Normally, a brat would be greeted with a slap across the face.
    No, that was awful! Your story is of the lowest class!
    Remove this garbage and have the thread deleted, it is ruining all the other good stories posted here!
    Hmm, yes, you do have a really good point there.

    I can't really follow you in your comment about the 11 year olds though.

    Then again, I translated my story from Dutch to English, and I should've rewritten some parts for they sound and look a lot better in Dutch than in English, so my bad for that.

    Thanks for your comment, I'll improve in the future. :3
    Not everything is black and white like that.

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